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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find home births completely selfish

323 replies

Baabaaba · 21/11/2023 17:10

No I know I’m going to sound like a grumpy ogre but having been recently diagnosed with cancer and feeling as crap as I can do I was given the displeasure to listen to my neighbours have a home birth last nigh. She and baby are both home and well now however they did need a blood transfusion and ended up going in an ambulance anyway. Am I being unfair to think why did they keep me and my two children up all night with her screaming which nearly killed her when she would have had a safer delivery in hospital and if of had a better night sleep.

I know this is selfish and I am being unfair but honestly why put your health and baby’s health in danger I’m genuinely want to be told how I’m being unfair

OP posts:
TrishIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/11/2023 17:35

Because so many maternity services are so terrible that home births are, by far and large, safer. It’s sad but true

GrouchyKiwi · 21/11/2023 17:35

I'm sorry about your diagnosis. Flowers

But YABU.

I had a home birth for DD3, and it was much, much better than my two hospital births. I had two midwives with me the whole time, whereas for the first two the midwives just popped in and out.

My home birth was serene, relaxed and beautiful.

GabriellaMontez · 21/11/2023 17:38

Very happy to be corrected.

But surprised to hear she had a blood transfusion last night, but is home today.

Hope you're soon feeling better.

Nursemumma92 · 21/11/2023 17:38

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis but home birth is not selfish. That blood loss could have easily happened in a hospital, the only difference is that she required an ambulance. There is nothing to say what happened happened due to her being at home.

The issue here is that you were kept awake which i sympathise about, but as it was a one off I think it needs to be taken on the chin.

Plankingplanks · 21/11/2023 17:38

Ia green with you, but not for the reasons you give. A home birth is fine if you want to pay for a midwife to deliver it yourself. The NHS really can't afford this self indulgence though. Every home birth has to have 2 midwifes present and in a lot of cases an ambulance is called anyway.

Have your baby in hospital people.

OhmygodDont · 21/11/2023 17:38

My neighbour didn’t realise I’d given birth because she didn’t hear anything and asked dh if he thought baby was going to come anytime soon.

So yeah your just upset about the noise but she could have be a mooer at 1cm and not meant to be in hospital then you would have heard her for nothing.

Ihatethenewlook · 21/11/2023 17:38

Bloody hell op. The woman birthed a baby, needed a blood transfusion and almost died. And you’re calling her selfish because you couldn’t get your beauty sleep for one night? 🙄

Misunderstoodagain · 21/11/2023 17:40

My first birth was so fast that I was told for my second birth I would be prepared for a home birth as it was very unlikely I would make it to the hospital on time. You don't know what circumstances people are in, just like she most likely isn't aware of yours.
I hope you have a speedy recovery for you and your family

TrishIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/11/2023 17:41

GabriellaMontez · 21/11/2023 17:38

Very happy to be corrected.

But surprised to hear she had a blood transfusion last night, but is home today.

Hope you're soon feeling better.

Good point.

I had a blood transfusion and it took a day to get the blood and 2 day recovery to make sure I wasn’t too wobbly before coming home!

AgnesX · 21/11/2023 17:41

She did it deliberately to annoy you did she? I'm sure she hadn't anticipated how she would feel and how much noise she'd make.

And if course it's going to be a regular occurrence... You might want to consider soundproofing.

If that doesn't sound empathetic it's because it's not. My neighbours drive me nuts (I'm not a well person either) but bringing a life into the new world is definitely not the norm noise wise.

ButDaddyILoveHim · 21/11/2023 17:42

She very probably was not anywhere near 'dying' if she was back home today.

How do you know she had a blood transfusion anyway, OP?

hiddle · 21/11/2023 17:42

Well if I'd have opted to go to the hospital I would have ended up giving birth on the side of the A40, would that have been more sensible? I suppose it would have been fine as it wouldn't haven't impacted your sleep! I knew I was likely to have a fast labour due to having a fast first labour, the hospital I was due to go had an awful reputation, so I made the most sensible decision for me (and my baby, but mostly for me actually, because I was giving birth, and I matter).

Newstaronthehorizon · 21/11/2023 17:42

I had 5 beautiful uncomplicated home births so I did not take hospital resources and those beds were free for women who needed them.

You have cancer yet begrudge a woman using medical resources at a time of need?!

Shame on you.

Pololo · 21/11/2023 17:43

TrishIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/11/2023 17:35

Because so many maternity services are so terrible that home births are, by far and large, safer. It’s sad but true

The reason home births are safer are because women at medium risk and above of complications during birth simply do not have home births at a large enough rate to feature significantly in the statistics.

Portach · 21/11/2023 17:43

You’re turning a one-off noisy neighbour incident into some kind of moral issue. Being transferred to hospital isn’t wildly unusual or necessarily a sign of anything catastrophic, neither is a transfusion.I had a transfusion in hospital myself and almost died.

Im sorry about your diagnosis — best wishes.

Nursemumma92 · 21/11/2023 17:48

Plankingplanks · 21/11/2023 17:38

Ia green with you, but not for the reasons you give. A home birth is fine if you want to pay for a midwife to deliver it yourself. The NHS really can't afford this self indulgence though. Every home birth has to have 2 midwifes present and in a lot of cases an ambulance is called anyway.

Have your baby in hospital people.

A planned home birth is cheaper for the NHS than a birth on a consultant led labour ward/delivery suite. Recent studies have shown this.

Cabeza · 21/11/2023 17:49

YABVU

Giving birth is a natural bodily process not a medical situation and if someone would rather stay home then more power to them.

By your logic, parties at home are way more selfish acts because I have been kept awake by these and never by a homebirth.

Plankingplanks · 21/11/2023 17:49

Nursemumma92 · 21/11/2023 17:48

A planned home birth is cheaper for the NHS than a birth on a consultant led labour ward/delivery suite. Recent studies have shown this.

Show quote history

Please show me this research.

GabriellaMontez · 21/11/2023 17:50

Plankingplanks · 21/11/2023 17:38

Ia green with you, but not for the reasons you give. A home birth is fine if you want to pay for a midwife to deliver it yourself. The NHS really can't afford this self indulgence though. Every home birth has to have 2 midwifes present and in a lot of cases an ambulance is called anyway.

Have your baby in hospital people.

You know the cost of a hospital bed associated staffing and medicalised birth far outweighs that of a homebirth?

Perhaps labouring women could save money by avoidIng other 'self indulgences'?

Epidural maybe?

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 21/11/2023 17:52

@Plankingplanks your username is certainly apt.

You do know that there are 2 midwives at a birth regardless of home or hospital? Assuming a vaginal delivery. There are community midwife teams who are there to deliver at home. No one is taken off the ward to attend a home birth.

idontlikealdi · 21/11/2023 17:53

Sorry op for what you're going through but you are in the wrong here.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 21/11/2023 17:54

Obviously it’s unreasonable to plan any activity that involves hours of screaming or shouting or loud noise if you live in a dwelling that isn’t detached! So YANBU.
Home births for women who can’t be overheard or who have run it by their neighbours first aren’t U.

Dutch1e · 21/11/2023 17:55

Plankingplanks · 21/11/2023 17:38

Ia green with you, but not for the reasons you give. A home birth is fine if you want to pay for a midwife to deliver it yourself. The NHS really can't afford this self indulgence though. Every home birth has to have 2 midwifes present and in a lot of cases an ambulance is called anyway.

Have your baby in hospital people.

Not sure I'm following your logic.

When I had a baby in the Netherlands you paid for opting to have a hospital birth without a midwife/doctor recommending that a hospital birth would be needed, whereas homebirth was free by default. This is because homebirth is a LOT cheaper and eases the burden on the healthcare system.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 21/11/2023 17:56

The crying baby that will have resulted from the home birth though, that’s life! Move to a detached dwelling.

AnneValentine · 21/11/2023 17:59

Crikey you’re in for a rough few months if that’s upset you!