To find home births completely selfish

[Baabaaba]

No I know I’m going to sound like a grumpy ogre but having been recently diagnosed with cancer and feeling as crap as I can do I was given the displeasure to listen to my neighbours have a home birth last nigh. She and baby are both home and well now however they did need a blood transfusion and ended up going in an ambulance anyway. Am I being unfair to think why did they keep me and my two children up all night with her screaming which nearly killed her when she would have had a safer delivery in hospital and if of had a better night sleep.

I know this is selfish and I am being unfair but honestly why put your health and baby’s health in danger I’m genuinely want to be told how I’m being unfair

Wow. Well I was in labour for hour upon hour upon hour both times. Almost died as did baby and needed transfusions with my second. I guess I was just an idiot - could’ve avoided all of that had I just ‘stayed at home’.

@Devonshiregal don't be so bloody sensitive, I was taking about my experience and thoughts on my birth!

Are you hung up on you didn't do it right? If so get counselling,

Wtf are you on about? Nobody is saying you would've had a better birth if you stayed home, but your birth going wrong doesn't mean that nobody else should get to labour at home OR that your one experience means home birth is inherently risky for everyone. We all suffer during labour and birth, we should get to choose how and where we do that suffering within reason and if women want to try it at home, with provision for getting to hospital if needed, it's not for anyone else to say that they shouldn't.

Wow. Well I was in labour for hour upon hour upon hour both times. Almost died as did baby and needed transfusions with my second. I guess I was just an idiot - could’ve avoided all of that had I just ‘stayed at home’.

ofgs chill out. Absolutely no one has said anything like that.

I Agree with you. Who wants to listen to shrieking and groaning all night long.

Are you seriously expecting to be hear it on a regular basis? FGs. Unbelievable.

I don't suppose many people have ever heard their neighbour giving birth. It's a rarity!

You'd think it would be the ONE time you'd cut another woman some slack.

Seriously, I'd be f*ing delighted for my neighbour. And be round with a casserole the next day. IMHO it's something to be pleased about.

I literally can't believe the misery on this thread. If you can't be happy about a healthy newborn baby delivered next door, well wtf can you be happy about ?

I suggest you read up on how moving to a new and unfamiliar environment causes stress and often causes contractions to cease, or dilation to slow. While you're at it, gen up on cascade of interventions and how they relate to labour and hospital births.

The internalised misogyny and ignorance on this thread are unbelievably depressing. Posters seem to have no understanding of the difference between their own/acquaintance’s experiences and actual research and statistics. The whole selfish argument is a total red herring and is irrelevant. Women should be entitled to safe, supported births wherever they choose to labour.

@Lookingfornewdirection - if you’re in the UK then your area doesn’t have a homebirth exemption. Any woman is entitled to request a homebirth. The reality is that it’s not that easy as many areas don’t have sufficient community midwives.

@sunglassesonthetable i would also cut someone slack if they had just been diagnosed with cancer and were being a bit unreasonable as they were exhausted, feeling unwell and probably in shock. Just bear that in mind.

No, had you had a homebirth you would have been advised to transfer to hospital as you arent allowed to be left laboring at home "hour upon hour upon hour" so yet again we have another entirely uninformed person giving an opinion.

Stop being ridiculous, woman that choose homebirths will be far more informed than you, they will have read up on all the possibilities.

YABU. I had one of my children at home (didn’t last 10 hours, I admit, and no screaming that I remember). It was lovely. I did it with the full agreement of my GP and having had all the risks explained to me. I don’t suppose when your neighbour planned this she expected it to end that way, but there are no guarantees in life.

would also cut someone slack if they had just been diagnosed with cancer and were being a bit unreasonable as they were exhausted, feeling unwell and probably in shock. Just bear that in mind.

Thanks @Naptrappedmummy

Totally would. As I said before. Maybe you didn't read that.

Not really for other posters just objecting to noise.

Research showed that for low risk women hospitals are no safer then home births and may lead to more interventions and complications. So taking risk into account and not skewing with medium or high risk cases

That doesn't negate the fact that hospital doesn't equal complications on a population level. Low risk births are also the minority of births (45%) so it makes no sense to omit medium and high risk births from data on birth outcomes, because most women will fall into these categories.

But 45% of women are low risk, that's a very substantial minority. And there are clearly documented iatrogenic risks to being in hospital. Have you read the Birthplace Study from 2011? If not I recommend it, over 60,000 births studied so statistically significant.

But given that homebirths normally only involve low risk women, and the argument is that they are risking their babies by choosing these it doesn't really matter about medium or high risk. We are not talking about population levels, we are talking about a certain group of women As a low risk mother I knew there was a real risk a hospital birth would not be safer and had a real risk it would result in unnecessary interventions, something that research holds up.

OP is getting a hard time for some reason. We've all been grumpy when we've had no sleep - especially when the thing keeping us awake is another person choosing to make all that noise! Even if it is for 'good' reasons.

I don't dislike homebirth or think it's too expensive or any of the other comments on here. I just would never do it because you just never know when something is going to go wrong, and I'd rather be in the hospital saving sometimes valuable minutes than having to wait for an ambulance (which can take hours now!) That's not a risk I'd put my baby in.

YABU. She didn’t know she was going to have to go to hospital. It’s one night FGS.

‘Choosing’ to make that noise? Did you have a silent, Scientologist-style birth?

I’d be considerably more annoyed by regular loud music or TV through the wall than by a one-off occurrence like a home birth. I mean, even if she has lots of children, it’s highly unlikely to be a regular occurrence.

OP is getting a hard time for some reason. We've all been grumpy when we've had no sleep - especially when the thing keeping us awake is another person choosing to make all that noise! Even if it is for 'good' reasons

Dear me. Never that grumpy, no.
She gave birth . Its pretty much a one off.

"choosing to make all that noise" 😂👍🏻👍🏻

They were 'choosing' to make the noise in a place (their house) that exposed other people to the noise and disruption (their neighbours).
Why do her needs trump that of the OP? The woman could choose alternative places to give birth, the OP was not able to choose where she and her kids could sleep. "I want a homebirth so I'll give no thought to anyone but myself and my baby". Seems quite selfish to me 🤷🏼‍♀️
Not everyone wants to pay reverence to a woman who chooses to homebirth. Some just want a quiet night so they can sleep, care for their children and deal with anything else such as illness.

I tho k a woman on labour is absolutely entitled to be "selfish"!

I hope that the neighbour looking after their children, never allowed them to cry, why should I have to listen to that?

They were 'choosing' to make the noise in a place (their house) that exposed other people to the noise and disruption (their neighbours).

I don't expect the new mother wanted it to be noisy. Not all births are.

Why do her needs trump that of the OP?
Because on that one^ night out of thousands of others she needed to give birth. You know, life or death situation.^

The woman could choose alternative places to give birth, the OP was not able to choose where she and her kids could sleep.
^
Alternative places were not the best place for her. ^

I want a homebirth so I'll give no thought to anyone but myself and my baby".
^
Yep, for the few times in your life this happens, you go girl.^

Seems quite selfish to me 🤷🏼‍♀️
We can all see that. Most other people get that there are some moments when you cut others some slack.

Not everyone wants to pay reverence to a woman who chooses to homebirth.
No "reverence " required. Or sarcasm.

Some just want a quiet night so they can sleep, care for their children and deal with anything else such as illn
^
Yep we all do. That's what all the other nights are for. This was ONE night. Crack on. ^