To find home births completely selfish

[Baabaaba]

No I know I’m going to sound like a grumpy ogre but having been recently diagnosed with cancer and feeling as crap as I can do I was given the displeasure to listen to my neighbours have a home birth last nigh. She and baby are both home and well now however they did need a blood transfusion and ended up going in an ambulance anyway. Am I being unfair to think why did they keep me and my two children up all night with her screaming which nearly killed her when she would have had a safer delivery in hospital and if of had a better night sleep.

I know this is selfish and I am being unfair but honestly why put your health and baby’s health in danger I’m genuinely want to be told how I’m being unfair

Are you sure she chose to have a home birth? I had a home birth with my second baby as she came too quickly to risk getting to the hospital in time.

Personally I wouldn't have chosen a home birth but I have a couple of friends who did, mainly due to previous traumatic experiences in hospital. I understand their reasoning, just as I would understand those choosing hospital birth, induction, C-sections....I do think you're being unreasonable because everyone should have the choice where/how they give birth (where medically possible).

What a dreadful argument.

Women who expect an acceptable level of care during childbirth are not responsible for other women not receiving adequate care. The system should be properly staffed. In any case, staff shortages can be a reason for refusing a home birth on the day.

Since when were women in labour responsible for ensuring adequate and safe staffing of NHS maternity services? I thought the NHS employed people to manage staffing levels.

Where I am they encourage home births. So presumably the midwives don't see them as putting mum and baby in danger.

Yanbu op. Shoulda called the police on it ffs.

I wouldn't have had a home birth, and I live someplace where the average ambulance response time is 7 minutes and my closest hospital is less than 2 miles away. That said, I think everybody should do what is best for them. This was presumably a one-time thing or at least an uncommon thing. YABU.

That may be true about pain relief and like I said if you have a home where you’re not going to disturb other people (especially kids) then knock yourself out and birth wherever you want. But many women make noises when giving birth which would be scary for kids/those who haven’t experienced birth/just all of us really. I don’t think it’s fair to subject other people to listen to it if you have a choice.

Also, putting the whole traumatising kids thing to one side, most musmsnetters would think it terribly rude if someone’s neighbour played loud music or had a loud party without letting their neighbours know and kept their kids up all night, so I don’t see why this gets a free pass?

end of the day I just don’t think it’s fair on the children sitting awake next door listening to some grown up woman screaming scary noises. Very upsetting.

OP made clear this woman’s birth did not last 15 minutes and in the end required an ambulance

Agreed OP I find it one of the most selfish things a mother to be can do

😂I find this one of the stupidest comments of the thread 🤣

I can think of many, many things I could do as a mother that would be more selfish than having my statistically safer (for me), cheaper for the NHS, faster, calmer for my babies, and avyually fairly enjoyable homebirths.

But yes, how very selfish of me because a neighbour might of heard some noise for an hour or so😂

I realise this is a long thread, and I hope and expect my point has been made already - but I'm still going to make it again.

My SIL had two home births. Why? Because she goes into labour very fast. She barely made it to hospital with her first, and that was when she lived minutes away. With her second, she was advised that she might easily go into labour suddenly and with no warning, and hospital was 30-40 minutes away. She had absolutely no warning. She called her midwife, who was ten minutes away, and the midwife arrived in time to deliver the placenta. Her third delivery, she didn't even consider hospital.

It would have been enormously dangerous for SIL to try to get to hospital - can you imagine? If you have a matter of minutes between first signs of labour and delivery? And equally, she couldn't camp out at hospital for days around her due date, could she?

Far the best option was for her to plan to be at home, with a qualified midwife who could get there faster than she could get to hospital.

I think hospitals are wonderful, and thank goodness we have them, but I wish people would understand that some women who have home births aren't doing it for shits and giggles.

It was a one off. At least it's not loud shagging noises every night. Although I guess now you will probably hear the baby.

Cancer sucks. I'm sorry you're going through it but this is a bit grumpy. White noise might help.

Of course it's not about the noise to the neighbours and everything to do with the absolute unnecessary risks you take with your own life and that of your unborn baby.

And the posts about costs are hilarious 😂 With my homebirths I had community midwives for a couple of hours. Had I been in hospital I'd have taken up a bed (probably overnight?), still have had midwives present, possibly have had drug cost and use of equipment, meals? Etc. Certainly would've cost the NHS more.

But no one judges women for going to hospital. Why aren't they criticised for using up so many NHS resources when they could just have their babies at home? Because that would be bloody stupid that's why 😆We thankfully live in a civilised country where women can make their own informed decisions about where to give birth....even if a neighbour has one bad night's sleep as a result.

I had one midwife at 2 of mine - two at the first but not for long.

@Devonshiregal you think k having a party and having a baby the same 😂

It's not traumatising for the neighbours, play some music, calming preferably and the neighbour in labour may hear the vibes

The ambulance needed has nothing to do with the home birth, or the unreasonable neighbour.

Personally, I would've made a meal for the family to have the next day, they would've been exhausted after labouring all night.

Oh and a gift to welcome the new child.

Oh stop being so sensible! It's like you're trying to get rationale!

@Devonshiregal I was in hospital for 15 mins, because most of my labour was at home, in a terraced house!

When I was pregnant my midwife was leaving the surgery just as I was arriving for my appt. She had no intention of calling me as when I stopped her and asked if appointments were running to time she said they weren't running at all as she has been called to say a home birth had begun. The receptionist would have told me on arrival.

I was most upset and put out, I'd waited patiently for my appointment and saved lots of questions and anxiety issues to be dismissed.

I felt this was unfair, I appreciate that it's a woman's right to have the birth she wants but if resources are low that it stops other services which are important to other women then something isn't right. If a service has enough midwives and ambulances to safely facilitate then I don't see an issue so long as woman isn't going against medics advice.

So your need trumped the other mother? Why?

Perhaps she did it because it’s statistically safer for a mother with no medical issues and she wanted to actually have a midwife (2 in later stages of labour) attend to her throughout her labour (unlike in hospital where a midwife is running between 3 labouring women)

also have you been to a post natal ward? How many posts on here are speaking of that hell!

I wouldn't wish my hospital birth experience on anyone. My home birth was amazing.

I'm sorry that you struggled to sleep, but YABU.

@Plankingplanks twaddle. Home births are much cheaper than hospital births so women who make an informed decision for a planned home birth are not depriving the NHS of resources, they are in fact saving it money. Figures are in the Birthplace study research if you'd care to look.

Whiteday I hope the NHS billed you for those 15 minutes, scandalous excess use of resources ! 😂

Of course she wasn't going to call you. A woman was in labor ffs! It's she supposed to say 'yeah, I'll be right there - after I've managed to get hold of everyone that I was supposed to see'.

If she was just leaving, she would have not long had the call. It's likely that if your appointment had been later on, the receptionist would have called you to let you know, but the timing didn't really give her the chance.

I do understand how frustrating it is to go to an appointment and for some reason it's not available to you - it has happened to me for different reasons. It's annoying, but sometimes in a medical setting, someone else's health has to take priority in that moment.

I was home within two hours........

DHs infamous words "I've been in Ikea longer than that"!

I think this might be reasonable if it was happening a couple of times a week. I feel that is unlikely so I will go with you are being unreasonable.

Hey OP. Sorry you had to listen to your neighbour birthjng next door. On top of the lost sleep it must have been quite upsetting hearing the screams/wails of pain - just because women used to do things that way, doesn't mean they are fine and dandy for everyone impacted by it today! (I'd have actually been very distressed by that type of noise with no escape from it so I understand).

(And to add to the anecdata - of the 3 women I know that had home births, 2 needed hospital transfers as the placenta did not detach.)