What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

How is it good for a 3 year old to be sat down for 3 hours, 2 and a half of which are spent watching a screen? That's only good for you.

In a pub though? People will be laughing and talking louder than a very quiet phone

I think I'm judgy about parents expecting to have a 3-hour, relaxed lunch with friends, in a pub/restaurant, with very young children. This would work in a beer garden on a warm day, or one of those places with playspace for the dc. Otherwise, not really. We went out to dinner all the time as children, and behaved well enough, no screens and no child abuse to keep us in line. No one expected us to hang out for 3 hours, though. We have done the same with our dc.

I actively encourage you to hand your dc a screen and headphones on those long long lunches, though. It's not great for them to be on screens, it teaches all sorts of poor social skills, but do I care if that's your choice for your dc? No, I do not. If I am in a restaurant or pub, I just want your dc to be quiet enough that I can have a conversation with mine.

We were shouted at and smacked if we didn't do as we were told and were terrified of our parents

Speak for yourself.

This made me laugh. Some people talk such shit and talk loud so it it would be great to mute them too.

We do eat out quite a lot so I wouldn't judge my DD showing her child a screen if they were a bit aggitated or bored. We would interact with them too.

Apart from the usual bother of noise (doesn't matter how quiet you think it is, to the untrained ear child-centered TV is excruciating even at a low volume) I do have concerns about lack of social skills. Children don't learn any when they are plonked in front of a screen at what is a social occasion. Adults don't interact with children, but even worse, children don't interact with each other. Witnessed this myself in a cafe on Sunday - 5 children aged somewhere between 3 and 5 sitting with their parents at a table, each child with their individual device. If I were in this situation growing up (pre screens), I would be playing/talking with other children. Play does not have to include running around in a restaurant. Talking doesn't have to be loud. As far as I remember, we could spend hours chatting rubbish, comparing bruised knees and playing I spy. We were also included in adult conversations where possible. In contrast two of my young cousins are TV/phone babies. They still don't join family table when we have gatherings, they simply don't know how to engage with adults despite being in their late teens.
My other concern is around self-regulation. Kids need to be bored, it's a pre-cursor to creativity and self-efficacy. Give them (and an adult) a screen, and they don't require any of these skills. That's probably why you end up with cranky teenagers who groan that they are being bored when you ask them to put their phone away. If you think, you can magic them into being functional social adults without giving them these skills early in life, you are mad.

It's abhorrent. Utterly abhorrent.

And on the other hand we're complaining about a generation of kids with shorter attention spans and an over reliance on technology!
The OP will be now doubt on here in a few years time asking how to limit DC screen time.
Why create a dependency so young?
I remember when DD1 was seven (now 22) and came home with some homework to research an animal. I said she could get a book out of the library the next day and she told me the teacher had said just look it up on the internet!!
I approached the teacher the next day and asked why she wasn't encouraging the kids to go to the library and research. She said that because they wouldn't need books in the future why bother.
I couldn't believe it. I'm absolutely not anti technology but do think children should learn basic research skills, spelling, maths etc without tech first.
God knows how they'd cope if the world went dark!!

I only ever let my DS watch something in public with headphones on.

Even 'very quietly' can be heard and it's super annoying.

I think as long as everyone has finished eating it isn't a problem.

I'm in the camp of "if it's not disturbing other patrons, do whatever it takes to enjoy your meal out too". If children would otherwise be running amok and annoying other people, sure, give them a phone/tablet. If they'd otherwise be driving their parents mad by saying "I'm booored - can we go home now?", fine, give them a phone.

Just, for the love of god, take headphones for them! I went to a "naice" restaurant last week and a table of about 12 people was out celebrating a child's birthday (he can't have been more than 4). All the kids on the table had a tablet each and more than one of them had the volume up. It was really, really irritating for everyone else around them. I was definitely not paying for an expensive meal to listen to "bluey" at another table.

My DH was saying the other week when our nephews were on their tablets round their grandparents that he wouldn't have got away with it when he was a kid. He then said he used to hate going round to his grandparents because he was so bored with nothing to do. Our nephews will likely have better memories of going round their grandparents than he did as a result.

And OP I would judge you. If your kids are getting bored maybe that's the time to leave.
Pretty selfish in my opinion.

'Very quietly' means different things to different people and unless there are headphones I can guarantee myself will hear it.
I have sensory issues and want to run a mile unless headphones are used.

How do you think children coped before ipads/tech were invented?

I’ve never done it myself, and wouldn’t, but what other people do with their kids is entirely up to them. I agree it should be on headphones though.

I don't recall being out to eat with my parents. Just 30 minutes at a coffee shop or maybe lunch or ice-cream at a seaside type place.
The dinner gatherings were at home and the adults stayed at the table after food whilst the kids were quite literally demolishing my bedroom. I don't remember anything "calm" about not having screens 😳

If you can’t entertain your own children or they can’t entertain themselves and you have to use ‘an electronic baby sitter’ - then fine as long as they are wearing headphones.

If they aren’t wearing headphones then frankly you’re inconsiderate and entitled. Why do you think everyone else around you should listen to the noise?

Look it’s absolutely up to you and I don’t care how other people raise their kids (within reason). But since you asked, here are the reasons I don’t think it’s a good idea:

1. children who aren’t given the opportunity to learn how to sit nicely and eat a meal in a restaurant will never do it.
2. watching screens while eating is a bad habit which interferes with our ability to notice and follow hunger cues, and can therefore lead to disordered eating.
3. children watching screens in a restaurant aren’t having a meal with their family. They’re engaged in a separate activity in the same space. It defeats the purpose of shared time spent over a meal.

I get that it’s not always easy. It may also curtail the restaurants you go to with your kids (I’m not taking mine to any fine dining establishments while he’s still learning how to behave) but I firmly believe that in the long term I am saving myself a world of trouble by not setting this precedent.

As long as they had headphones I don't see a problem. Anything is better than kids running around the tables shouting when out for a meal.

@Laurdo

"Digital tit"

Love that! 😂

It only bothers me if I can hear sound. So with headphones on or no volume, I wouldn't even notice.

if I can hear sounds coming out if it , then yes, I would judge you for being selfish. nobody wants to hear what other people are watching. (that includes grownups as well with their phone conversations and watching their tiktoks etc).

DD is 15 now, but has eaten out at family meals since being a very young child. I used a mixture of colouring, books and tablet to keep her happy while the grown ups chat.

But she was ALWAYS on headphones or no volume as I wouldn't ever inflict noise on the people around us.

@ManateeFair hit the nail on the head, for me.

@kittensss - I firmly believe the device should be on silent or used with headphones. Using it ‘quietly’ is too subjective, and it may well still be annoying other customers - especially if they are watching different things - clashing sound tracks would drive me spare.

I do also agree that it isn’t black and white, either my kids watch videos or they riot and make a racket - dh and I managed to eat out a lot with three small boys well before the days of smart phones. When they were small, we took quiet toys with us, but by the time they were older, they knew how to behave in restaurants, and didn’t need toys or books.

We started out in places where the service would be quick, and which were family friendly, so didn’t expect ‘fine dining’ standards of behaviour, and kept things fairly short - we didn’t go out for long, 2-3 hour meals until they were old enough to cope.

Like you, we had compliments on how well the boys behaved - all without terrorising or hitting them.

I can remember being in a restaurant (I don’t go to any now as single mum I can’t leave my children so wouldn’t enjoy my meal) but I went to one about 2 years ago in central London talking set menu and the family next to us did a sing song to keep their child occupied I’ve never felt more uncomfortable (until the lady next door did a home birth but that’s a different story)

oh and never while actually eating.

And isn't it the case that most kids watching devices in public places usually have no headphones.

Says something to me regarding parents tbh.

Well maybe I’m judgy.

We didn’t have devices when mine were small, they’re only in their 20s now. We went to Chef and Brewer type restaurants where they ran around in the play area before dinner, then they sat quietly and chatted to us when they ate (very quickly) then they ran off back to the play area after. No discussing politics whilst using their fish knife.

This evolved into going to nicer restaurants with age and maturity. We also ate out with friends or family with DC of a similar age so the kids would sit and chat at one end of the table and the adults at the other. If there was a misbehaver amongst them they would be sat in between the adults, which an absolute no.

I think screens at the table are lazy parenting and bad manners. Shoot me.