What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

I just makes me feel sad to see kids put in front of screens so the adults can socialise, essentially without them. It’s like hitting the ‘off’ button on their child. Especially with headphones to make it even harder for interaction either way.

going out for dinner should be a social event for everyone invited and everyone should be included

i understand logically it might be a rare occasion for the family going out. Or there might be extenuating circumstances. But from the outside looking at it the adults are putting their needs for a calm dinner ahead of their kids needs and it makes me feel sad.

@KarmenPQZ please don't feel sad. the children will have had plenty of attention. There is nothing wrong with the adults having a little chat about things that a child would have no interest in. The same as when they have a play date. They don't want Mummy there, they want to play on their own with their friend.

Doesn't bother me at all as long as headphones are worn.

My DC are now 18 and 15 and it wasn't really the norm to carry tablets or smart phones around when they were toddlers.

We ate out all the time and often in quite formal settings ( eg black tie dinners every night on a week long cruise with the extended family when they were 5 and 2 ) if they ever got restless either me or DH would take them off for a little walk outside. It wasn't always easy but we didn't have portable entertainment back then so didn't have much choice.

My 7 year old niece always has her tablet on at the table but that just seems to be the norm now.

I agree and also the same as I'm sure happens at home sometimes that any parent makes sure their child is busy while they're doing something or talking on the phone.

It's really not that tragic.. unless children are actually neglected. The odd half an hour on an iPad whilst mummy catches up with auntie Mary really shouldn't ruin a childhood.

Anyone assuming so is just drawing MASSIVE conclusions on very few facts. Is that how you operate in life ? Just making huge assumptions and drawing massing conclusions based on very little information / tiny snippets ?

I know. It’s totally irrational. But it does make me feel sad

and I will put my hands up as a parent and admit I’m not the best. Far from it. And often put my needs in front of my kids (under the guise of mental health or otherwise!) But somehow giving my kids a screen whilst eating in or out of the house is a line I personally can’t cross. Everyone has different priorities.

And in the grand scheme of things it’s def not tragic 😂

Ok well at least you can admit you sometimes put your needs first too.

But believe me, even if we sometimes give our kids screens during long meals. We do not ignore them during meals or otherwise and we absolutely adore our children and do our best every day to give them a happy childhood and the best opportunities we can give them.

To see my children happy is what I live for, which I am certain is the same for all parents. I make huge sacrifices for them. Just recently I had to sleep in a floor for a few nights, because I wanted to make my DD happy. Long long story. But their happiness is everything to me. ( again, I know I'm not special in that )

Its not the fact that adults want an hour of adult time, its that they have to use screens to get it. When I wanted to have coffee with a friend and children were there, they would be entertained with other things such as colouring for example. Of course we would be interrupted every 5/10 mins to admire their work but that's part of being a parent. It took 5 seconds to say "that's lovely dear, do another one" and go back to the conversation. Screens are used because parents know their child goes into another world and wont interrupt them. Its that going into another world and being completely disengaged from their surroundings that I have an issue with.

Absolutely distract the children with something to have an adult conversation but expect that with small children that you will be interrupted and will have to encourage them back to the activity.

I would 100 times over rather be interrupted by a child eager to show off their drawing to me than have total uninterrupted time because the child didn't even know what planet they were on.

This is fine if it’s you and your child, a bit more of an issue if (as is usual in my case) we are meeting up with someone else. We don’t have a great deal of money so it would usually be an occasion like that. Playing hangman with your child the whole time would be a little rude in that scenario.

I don’t know any children that have language issues as a result of iPad/phone use, and surely that would be in cases where it was pretty constant at home too. My four year old has a wider vocabulary than some 40 year olds I know, but as OP says, it’s not like we’re doing that all the time!

In the old days we often did colouring etc while the adults were talking at lunch. I don’t really have an issue with my child learning some digital skills instead, given the world we live in.

Thinking that our kids happiness is so important is the problem though surely? Putting their needs first means screw everyone else?

I’m not judgemental of parents who do this, but I definitely think there are more appropriate ways of keeping children entertained. I have a five year old, and if the conversation is boring or she doesn’t want to join in, she’ll colour pictures or talk with the other children. She isn’t given the option of a screen while eating out (or eating at home for that matter), because it’s a relatively short amount of time and children should be able to entertain themselves quietly for that length of time.

if children are unable to behave correctly in restaurants or public settings, you bring them home or leave them home while you’re going out. I wouldn’t want to listen to peppa pig or bluey while I’m enjoying a conversation and my dinner, just as I wouldn’t expect the tables nearby to use to want to listen to them.

to me, it sounds as though you’ve normalised screens to the point that your children are unable to sit still and behave themselves without them. I think if you brought a colouring book and some crayons with you when you go out, it would work just as easily and the break from screen time would help your children’s moods etc.

If the sound is off, then it's totally up to you.

I think this partly arises because some people will have children who are capable of behaving beautifully in a restaurant for hours, without any external distractions. Other kids may not have that capability, so their parents resort to ipads etc to keep them occupied.

If you have kids who can behave impeccably in such situations - like my dd did when she was younger - then it's very easy to pat yourself on the back and put it down to your superior parenting skills, when it's far more likely to be a question of differenced in individual temperament and development.

As long as your kids are well cared for and you're not disturbing anyone else, crack on and enjoy your meal. It really isn't anyone else's business.

to me, it sounds as though you’ve normalised screens to the point that your children are unable to sit still and behave themselves without them. I think if you brought a colouring book and some crayons with you when you go out, it would work just as easily and the break from screen time would help your children’s moods etc.

Again you are making assumptions. You don't know anything about that family apart from the hour you have have been in the same restaurant as them. That's what I can't get my head around. My Son never watched TV at home. When he got older he was on a screen a lot and self taught himself (computer) and he's earning good money from this.

Now if you knew that someone close to you gave their child too much screen time then that would be fair to comment.

People who eat out might have some meals where it is no screen time and other times when they are catching up with a friend that they may use one. Also, people saying leave the children at home then well no. People have always had children and sometimes they have to work around the adults.

I actually don't think some of the posters are concerned about the children they just want to feel superior.

I think this risks children associating restaurants with screens. What we used to do was choose a restaurant with a play area, so while waiting for food they play (one of us supervising). Then the food arrives, so they eat. That just leaves a bit of time after for colouring etc.

You are assuming that the lunch would be a “break” from screen-time, rather than the only screen-time.

What if there are no other children? What if it’s a long awaited catch up with another adult/s that you can’t leave your child at home for, for example as a single parent? And yes, lack of headphones is a problem - OP and others are talking about with headphones.

My child does hours of colouring in at nursery, it’s basically all they do, he’s completely mentally unchallenged by it. I’m good with him having an hour here or there developing digital skills through use of CBeebies Playtime, it’s not all about cartoons. That’s going to take him a lot further in life than having strong crayon skills tbh.

Ok with headphones , even if volume is low it would disturb me. I don't want to hear other people's videos or music.

Yes, I agree. Headphones only or sound turned off. Low volumes can still be very irritating!!

In some cultures it's absolutely not the norm to allow children to do a separate activity at a table. My French friends just wouldn't have it, but saying that the children seem more integrated so they wouldn't usually have a separate children's meal either or have a conversation that might not be child appropriate.I do wonder if part of the reason to have children using screens is that it's just easier to have a conversation that you actually don't want them to hear.

You’ve summed this up far better than I could have @LolaSmiles!

You need to change nurseries if all he does is colouring in.

Colouring helps develop fine motor skills, improves focus and builds creativity - all pretty useful for life i'd say

I have an adult colouring book that my Granddaughter has decided we share it and its hers too. She uses it everytime she visits. So you have no idea if you see her on a screen how long she uses a screen for.

People can keep saying they know about people's parenting skills through seeing a tiny bit of their life. I'd suggest you stop trying to judge other people.

This time last year though she asked me to watch the cartoon Grinch with her. We got comfy & watched it so yes a bit of some screen time.

Spicedapple, I was just pointing out the benefits of colouring in as an activity for young children - and i don't give a monkeys if kids go on screens, just wear headphones

It’s just people being snobby, we didn’t have anything like that with my adult DC but have headphones and tablets for the younger ones and think it’s great when we’re somewhere like a restaurant, makes the whole experience a lot less stressful 👌tbh we would just avoid going otherwise