What's the big deal about letting kids watch a couple of videos during a meal out ?

[kittensss]

I've noticed it is SUPER frowned upon here.

What's the big deal if you want to have a longer dinner and keep your kids happy and entertained ?

My kids are good to sit and colour and talk and eat for the first 30 minutes to an hour, but if we want to stay longer than that, they get bored.. fair enough. What's the big deal about letting them watch some stuff on our phones of iPads ?

I know of no one in real life who is as judgy as the parents on here.

We went for a big family lunch recently, the adults wanted to enjoy it a bit longer and out came the phones for the preschoolers to look at for half an hour or so. We were able to enjoy our lunch and took them to the playground after. No harm done.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

I don't get the problem which seems to be coming up here time and time again on so many threads. Do you assume we don't talk to our kids because we let them watch the iPad for a bit during lunch ?

Why can't you talk to your children? Play with them?

It's a family meal so they should feel part of the family. Eating together is meant to be fun and happy.

I'm not judgey on it. I believe parent how it works for you

There have been some threads asking if they should use them, I've sometimes said I don't and given some ideas of what I do, but also said if that doesn't work and they need them do it and if anyone thinks anything, they should mind their business.

To some if you say you don't do the same as them they take it as judgement, like when I've been with friends who have got a screen out for theirs and I haven't they've started listing the reasons and it's felt a bit awkward. I say they don't have to justify it at ALL and I mean it, but sometimes I feel a bit awkward for 'not' doing it and like people react like I'm judging when I'm honestly not in the slightest

I haven't massively noticed judgement on here myself

Which was it OP? “Quietly” (some noise) or “You literally couldn’t hear” (silent).
Any noise at all from devices is annoying.

It works for about an hour and if no catching up with the other adults is needed after that.

If we want to actually enjoy our catch up AND have the kids there, they get to watch something while we catch up, after the first hour or so of interacting and eating together etc

Lots of my friends do the same.

On very quietly is almost worse than on a normal volume. It is immensely irritating to be able to just make out a kids show. So yabu on that point.

Since you must know not all parents use screens at meals out, neither do they resort to assaulting their young children, do you accept it’s possible to manage without? What are those families doing differently to yours?

The false binary of babysitting by screen or letting your children run riot is goady, defensive and immature.

I don't give a shit what your kids are listening to or watching, provided I can't hear it. With headphones, it's absolutely fine. I don't know anyone who is bothered by that. I see kids with headphones on watching things on a tablet or playing a game or whatever all the time and I don't think anything of it at all because it doesn't affect me.

Just 'very quietly' is not fine, though. If it's loud enough for your child to hear it, it's loud enough for other people to hear it too. The tinny sound of someone watching something, especially something suitable for pre-schoolers, is incredibly irritating and intrusive and not what people want to hear while they're having a meal. Headphones are a must.

Or would you rather our entitled ' brats ' ruined your pub lunch ?

The frustrating thing here is that you think this is an either/or. There are other options.

One is that you accept that, when your kids are still too young to sit at the table for more than half an hour, you have to adapt your own social life accordingly and that perhaps a long pub lunch with a bunch of adults is something you have to put on hold until they're older.

Another is that you entertain them in other ways that don't involve playing a recorded noise from a squeaky, grating speaker. Everyone managed to do that pretty well until very recently. The iPhone didn't even launch until 2007 and the iPad wasn't invented until 2010. People did manage to entertain their kids in public before then.

Anyway. As I say, provided you use headphones, it's a non-issue and I don't think anyone really cares.

The two are polar opposites - one is active and the other is passive.

@cardibach bearing in mind family restaurants weren't massively a thing when I was little, yes, it was outside a restaurant. Kids weren't allowed in. I was also left home alone at 8 and walked to school with friend of the same age at 6, but yes. I was sat in a car whilst my family had a meal.

Headphones on - fine. Turned down quiet - not fine, that's like an irritating background buzz. I've no problems with children quietly watching videos, better than them running around or being allowed to visit other tables. 😀
Young kids that is - by the time they are say 9 or 10 max they should be capable of sitting at a table for a meal, taking part in chats and behaving themselves.

I'd want to see ANY adult being able to tolerate my son's (extremely NOT underdeveloped ) speech for any time longer than 30mins. The only way for anyone to get a word in the edgeways or change the topic is to offer him "to watch something". He reads the subtitles, so it's on silent. Bliss.

So many times strangers have commented on him "burning his poor mum's ears off". Screens allow me my own thoughts sometimes, so I can't apologise about that.

Drawing wouldn't help, because he draws stories 😭😂

If we are having a family with Grandkids we let them colour/draw but we talk to them about what they are doing. Or they play in the play area.

I'd rather they have a nice time waiting for their meal rather than being bored.

I wouldn't judge a child on a screen with headphones as I wouldn't know what sort of day they had all had.

I wouldn't exactly be judgey, but I don't see the point of being out if your kids are elsewhere mentally. We take books out with us and take kids to walk around if they get wriggly.

Former generations of parents developed skills in keeping kids entertained. I got stuck on a train with 3yo DC and FIL once. FIL kept DS entertained with two empty mince pie cases for nearly an hour, it was crazy! Balancing them, playing which one is it under, drawing on them, throwing and catching etc. knowing how to deal with boredom is a life skill.

I have a 7yo and 2yo.

7yo can easily go for a meal out, and will happily chat away at the table and patiently wait for his meal. 2yo however, will only do that for about 20mins before he gets bored and fidgety. At that point I haul out the colouring books, wipeable drawing books, small fidgety toys.... that will usually last about another 25mins. Will get up and go look around the restaurant/go for a walk to satisfy his fidgets for a moment. By this point I'm always hoping to food will be there as that will get him sitting still for a while.

When eating out just our immediate family, we know we can only really be sat for a meal for about 1-1.5hours as the 2yo then just wants to get up and run about. However, when out for a big family meal with extended family a meal can easily take 3hrs - I will merrily put 2yo in front of the iPad on those occasions (after my other efforts have failed!) with headphones. I feel its fair as I've tried to engage him and genuinely spent the entire meal focused on trying to keep his quiet and not running about. But there's only so long a toddler can do that for!

We've managed without plenty of times when we see going for a quicker lunch, just us. They can be entertained for around an hour, maybe a bit longer if the food keeps coming and we have lots of activity stuff.

However when we go out with our friends to catch up for a bit longer than that and we actually want to interact a bit with our friends - then it's easier to use the iPad for everyone's sake and I don't think it harms anyone.

One of mine was like that. Didn't have screens or phones at the time - would absolutely have let him use a screen with headphones if we had though. And he was a precocious talker and it was EXHAUSTING

I agree with original poster. My experience of eating out with small children is they tend to be impatient to get the food, eat the food, then want to go. Have no concept of time between order placing and food arriving, and care not a jot about their parents’ enjoyment! Let’s face it, they are not generally called to table fifteen minutes before the food appears at home. So parents need to blab to them a bit, do the colouring distractions then resort to electronics and earphones when necessary so everyone has a good experience, including other diners. To me, its far more considerate than letting them charge round screeching. Agree judging is not welcome - it is a snapshot of familes’ lives, not an indicator of their entire parenting style!

Exactly!

It was very unusual in those days for meals and pubs to be synonymous. When I was a child in the 70s, restaurants were for meals. Children almost never went to them unless for very special occasions. Pubs were for adults to drink in and if there were children in tow they would indeed be outside with a coke and a bag of crisps. Not all adults approved of it. My mum for one was very judgy about it. Which meant she stayed home while my dad went.
We took my own DC (also born 90s) only to family friendly places usually with a wacky warehouse or similar to serve as a bribe for 'sitting nicely'. They did have colouring provided by the pub.

If wearing headphones. No problem at all. The noises from devices ruin a meal for me.

Also, to PP who asked what our parents did ....

Well we very very very rarely went out for a meal (I can only really recall eating out whilst away on holiday or when we were older children) and not at all when me or siblings were very young (up to 4yo). We'd pop to the pub sometimes but even then we never had food, and we generally went to pubs with a garden and us kids all played outside whatever the weather.

I was born very late 80s

The difference between eating out and eating at home is that kids generally only sit at the table once their food is ready at home. I reckon we've probably always taken our kids out to eat from a much earlier age than we were ever taken out too. Sure we went out once in a blue moon from maybe 6+ at the youngest.

We never have screens at the table at home, but if we're waiting for food or between courses then we absolutely will have them available for our 2 + 4 year old in a restaurant. I expect as they get older we'll converse with them more and use screens less. But right now if we go out for dinner I want primarily to enjoy my food and to talk to DH, I can't do that if I'm outside for the entire time we're waiting for food cause my kids are still at a stage where they hate pretty much every activity that requires sitting still.

I don't see any issues with others who occupy their kids with them, I agree with PPs though, headphones are an absolute must.

I don't judge when I see this, as long as it's not disturbing me, but I do think it's sad. When my kids (born late 90s early 00s) were little they'd have sat on someone's knee when they got bored, and whoever it was - not necessarily one of their parents - would have chatted to them and pointed stuff out or played games. My mum was always equipped with colouring books and tiny boxes of pencils but I was never that organised. And kids can listen and still interact with what's going on around them while colouring, which they don't if they're cocooned in a digital world.

It's one of those things that makes parenting easier in the short term, but isn't great for kids long term. You sound a bit defensive about it OP, which might be because you recognise this and want reassurance?

I don't personally give me daughter a screen out of the house (unless it is a long flight) but each to their own.
However, the most annoying thing is kids watching screens with the volume up - i don't care how low the volume is, I can assure you the next table can hear it and it is beyond rude. If they have headphones, why not just use them?

Was on a long haul flight recently and both ways, I had to ask the flight attendant to ask people to turn off the volume on their kids devices. Why they didn't bring them headphones is beyond me?

For me, it’s a mixture of the different reasons mentioned why I don’t like it.

I personally have never allowed it and never had an issue. I just taught them to behave at the table from a young age. I find it sad plugging a child in during family time rather than enjoying it with them and spending time together. Obviously different if your child genuinely struggles due to additional needs etc.

That said, as long as the iPad is on silent or headphones then I don’t actually care but I do still find it a bit sad.