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Original poster

Partner not wanting to split household bills

383 replies

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:29

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

OP posts:
fgjhb · 20/11/2023 20:30

Don't move in with him. Seriously.

GreyhpundGirl · 20/11/2023 20:32

That's not a partnership. I'd be reconsidering.

Changingplace · 20/11/2023 20:33

Do not move in with him, he’s showing you exactly who he is and how he views your son, keep your independence & reconsider this entire relationship.

Takenoprisoner · 20/11/2023 20:33

please don't move in with this man and definitely don't have a baby with him.

Remember you'll be losing a lot of tax credits and also the single person council tax entitlement if he moves in, and if he refuses to pay fairly then you and your child will be a lot lot worse off. Don't do that to your child! or yourself.

This man is not good partner material and definitely not good father material.

zurala · 20/11/2023 20:34

Ah, so now he's your ex. Do not stay with him, your poor son will be treated second class. Thank goodness he showed you who he is before he moved in.

Bananalanacake · 20/11/2023 20:35

Why do you have to live together, have a relationship but live separately if that's his attitude.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 20/11/2023 20:35

What all the PPs are saying. Seriously, if you move in with this man you will regret it. He is not kind, reasonable or father/husband material.
You've been warned. Ignore the advice at your peril.

LimeOrangeLemon · 20/11/2023 20:35

This would bother me a lot, either he wants to be a family or he doesn't.

makeminealargeoneagain · 20/11/2023 20:35

No way is this is a partnership. Do not try for a baby with this selfish man. He sounds horrible and doesn't care enough about you or your child.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 20/11/2023 20:37

Thank your lucky stars that he has shown you who he is before you actually moved in together.

Cut this off now, if not for your sake then for your sons sake.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 20/11/2023 20:38

Stop trying for a baby!!! Why on earth are you trying when you aren't yet living together? This is wayyyy too fast.

Shinyandnew1 · 20/11/2023 20:38

I really hope you are not pregnant. Stop having sex with this man and walk away.

Missgemini · 20/11/2023 20:38

Do not move in with him. What a horrible way to speak about your child. He’ll sit back and watch you pay more in bills?? And what happens when you have a baby for him? He’ll probably still demand you pay more when you’re on maternity leave. This is a classic case of LTB!

Katej82 · 20/11/2023 20:39

Don't move in with him certainly do not have a child with him. Omg ! What would you advise your friend? That's horrible of him. At the end of the day he knew your income would be much less he knows you have a child. If he doesn't want a family then he should sod off. Me and my husband have children from previous relationship but they are our family were a team. Please really consider how much your going to struggle financially and how he's treating your child as not part of his family x

Katej82 · 20/11/2023 20:39

Completely agree 💯

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 20/11/2023 20:40

So he wants you to subsidise his rent and bills, even though he earns more?

Don’t move even with him. If he had said he doesn’t want to pay for your son’s things (clothes, toys, food etc), I could understand that but for him to pay less than half of the rent and bills makes no sense.

talkingtoelise · 20/11/2023 20:41

This man has literally just opened the exit door for you, now get out. If he refuses to pay half the bills because of ‘your son’ what happens if you don’t have the money to buy him Christmas presents? Or school uniform? Or better yet you have a baby with him and he only takes ‘his child’ on days out or trips or buys them things. You leave now for your son’s sake and yours, this man will never be a family unit with you as he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t view your son as part of his family. Stay and I guarantee your son will have a miserable life.

AbondonedThemePark · 20/11/2023 20:41

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:29

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

Stop trying to conceive and don't move in with this man.

At the very best you need to have a lot more conversations about this. At worst he's going to be a stingy cocklodger, keeping most of his money whilst you struggle.

Sexnotgender · 20/11/2023 20:41

How long have you been together? He sounds awful quite frankly.

TheAbsurd · 20/11/2023 20:41

So how will the finances work if you have a baby with him? He will only pay for one child’s bills and you will pay for the other? But they are both your children? No, that doesn’t work, you have to live as one whole family.

Matronic6 · 20/11/2023 20:42

Agree with PP's. He sounds like a shit partner and and even worse candidate to be a stepfather. That would be the end for me.

Pooooochi · 20/11/2023 20:42

I don't get this? Why is he supposed to fund your child? Where's your son's father? Hes the one who is supposed to pay for him, be angry at him if he isn't.

He would essentially be funding you to be off work for a child that isn't his. I wouldn't want to do that either.

redalex261 · 20/11/2023 20:42

Absolutely do not move in with this tosser. DO NOT have a baby with him - will lead to your existing child being “othered” and a poor relation resented by a grown ass man. If you do you will be left a lone parent of two kids - eventually.

Hmmm33 · 20/11/2023 20:42

Stop trying to conceive with him! Hopefully you're not already pregnant

Ginmonkeyagain · 20/11/2023 20:42

What a dickhead. How much more does a 3 year old add to bills anyway?