Page 6 | Partner not wanting to split household bills

mum1010219 · 2023-11-20T20:29:53+00:00

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together? Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

theleafandnotthetree · 20/11/2023 23:33

I just cannot wrap my head around someone in 4 years or so having a baby with one guy, splitting up with him, having a relationship with another guy to the level of TTC and moving in. WTF? There's a tin of tuna in my press much longer than that. Others will disagree but the bald facts of this alone would make me question your judgement and taste in men. I think you should throw this one back, concentrate on living as a single mum enjoying raising your precious child and when you are ready to spot the difference between selfish pricks and decent men, begin to date. And maybe down the line think about living with someone and really getting yo know them and seeing how the dynamic works for you and then maybe, just maybe you marry first ideally and have another child. Where in God's name is your rush?

grumpycow1 · 20/11/2023 23:35

Run away OP! He sounds awful.

This alone should decide it: “felt like he will never seen my son as his step child” Please prioritise your already existing child and get away from this man. 50/50 bills is more than reasonable, it’s not like your kid brings in any income is it?!

telestrations · 20/11/2023 23:35

He's not a "partner" then is he?

He's a cocklodger who will have you paying for and doing EVERYTHING!

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/11/2023 23:37

Do not move in with this man.

Do not have a child with him.

grumpycow1 · 20/11/2023 23:37

theleafandnotthetree · 20/11/2023 23:33

I just cannot wrap my head around someone in 4 years or so having a baby with one guy, splitting up with him, having a relationship with another guy to the level of TTC and moving in. WTF? There's a tin of tuna in my press much longer than that. Others will disagree but the bald facts of this alone would make me question your judgement and taste in men. I think you should throw this one back, concentrate on living as a single mum enjoying raising your precious child and when you are ready to spot the difference between selfish pricks and decent men, begin to date. And maybe down the line think about living with someone and really getting yo know them and seeing how the dynamic works for you and then maybe, just maybe you marry first ideally and have another child. Where in God's name is your rush?

I do think this has an element of truth too. Have you rushed into it OP perhaps because you really want another baby? Please take a step back and not rush it. It’s your son’s life to consider too. Better to be a happy single mum than live with a bellend.

billy1966 · 20/11/2023 23:42

Poor little mite.

What a mean horror you have brought into his young life.

And you actual want to have a child with a man who begrudges the one you have?

Shocking.

You need to take a hard look at your choices.....because this set up is absolutely not in your 3 year olds best interests.

What an utter loser.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 20/11/2023 23:44

mum1010219 · Today 20:49

I dont need his help money wise but moving in means he would need to contribute towards household bills as he will be using gas/Electricity/wifi, eating food and so on so only fair

Is he moving in with you? Are you moving in with him? Are you getting a new place together?

Whatever the answer, he doesn't sound like a keeper, and definitely not good father material to his own bio kids let alone partnering someone whose child would be his step child.

What are his good points? Because he's not showing up well.

caringcarer · 20/11/2023 23:45

Changingplace · 20/11/2023 20:33

Do not move in with him, he’s showing you exactly who he is and how he views your son, keep your independence & reconsider this entire relationship.

He won't make a good stepdad. When I moved in with DH before we were married he insisted on sharing the costs of all bills in fact he paid more because he earned more and he insisted on paying for my 2 DS's to go to sports clubs because I couldn't afford to pay. He took them out to the cinema and swimming and made the effort to get the boys to love him. He knew we came as a package deal, me and my 2 boys. It was love me love my boys, and he still does love them and they are adults now. I don't think from what you have said he wants any responsibility for your son. If you have a baby together imagine how he'd treat your son differently to your shared son.

caringcarer · 20/11/2023 23:48

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:49

I dont need his help money wise but moving in means he would need to contribute towards household bills as he will be using gas/Electricity/wifi, eating food and so on so only fair

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If you only work one day a week are you on benefits? If you are when he moves in you have to notify UC and your benefits will stop or you make a joint claim as a couple.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 20/11/2023 23:55

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 20/11/2023 20:35

What all the PPs are saying. Seriously, if you move in with this man you will regret it. He is not kind, reasonable or father/husband material.
You've been warned. Ignore the advice at your peril.

This

Fraaahnces · 20/11/2023 23:58

Please don’t move in with him and for god’s sake don’t get pregnant to this man. He is always going to treat your son as less worthy than the offspring of his own loins. He is tight and pedantic and this will only just be the very surface.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/11/2023 00:01

You're trying for a baby with a man you don't even live with, who expects to text your son like your mistake and your baggage.

Why??

Merryoldgoat · 21/11/2023 00:01

These threads are always so pointless and I always get sucked in.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/11/2023 00:04

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:51

Yeah rent and council tax would be included in the bill split as well but food for son and anything he needs from say Asda would be fully covered by me

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So you're going to do a food shop for you and your son's wonderful loving step father, which is split 50/50 and then one for your son that just you pay for. And when it's time for pudding and DH gets out, say a Swiss roll from your joint shopping, your going to tell DH no no, Steve helped pay for this, you go get a different treat. This is for me and Steve and baby Anabelle.

And you think that's healthy?

Copperoliverbear · 21/11/2023 00:05

I'd say goodbye to him he's a cunt and if you move in with him and have a baby you'd be mad, he doesn't love your son and once he had his feet properly under the table he will be worse.
End it now

SleepingStandingUp · 21/11/2023 00:07

SecretVictoria · 20/11/2023 20:47

Sorry @redalex261 I quoted you in error.

Same comments apply to this. I wouldn’t want to pay for someone else’s child either. How do you afford to live now working only one day a week.

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Then don't move in with a SAHP with a young child. It's not complicated. Don't try and make a family with a SAHP if their existing child is something you have no commitment to. Presumably in the event of a crisis where OP needing the DP to look after the child, he should invoice her with his hourly rate!

SleepingStandingUp · 21/11/2023 00:10

TheAbsurd · 20/11/2023 20:41

So how will the finances work if you have a baby with him? He will only pay for one child’s bills and you will pay for the other? But they are both your children? No, that doesn’t work, you have to live as one whole family.

Op would pay for her quarter and sons quarter and new child's eight, DP would pay for his quarter and new child's eighth. So so he'd be paying about a third of the bills. Perhaps when he benefits from her being at home she can charge him half the going rate for childcare and if he buys a tub of ice cream, op can pay him per scoop for her eldest.

Isthisreallydoable · 21/11/2023 00:29

He's absolutely ridiculous. So what would the bill split look like if you do have a child with him sometime soon?

FourteenTog · 21/11/2023 00:35

Please leave, your son won't be happy or maybe even safe

LimePi · 21/11/2023 00:45

Don’t move in with him. And yes he doesn’t see your DS as part of his family

Mari9999 · 21/11/2023 00:56

@mum1010219
Why won't you and your child's father be covering his expenses? Isn't that how it should be happening? If you cannot cover the expenses for your existing child, why would you be considering having yet another child? In what way does that seem reasonable in your current situation?

Codlingmoths · 21/11/2023 01:44

Mari9999 · 21/11/2023 00:56

@mum1010219
Why won't you and your child's father be covering his expenses? Isn't that how it should be happening? If you cannot cover the expenses for your existing child, why would you be considering having yet another child? In what way does that seem reasonable in your current situation?

She will lose income by merging households, and she will lose income by having a baby with this man. She can’t afford to move in with him if he thinks it’s her cost.

eiiyyo · 21/11/2023 01:45

So you're just a baby making machine to him? He doesn't love or care about you (and by extension your son)?
You are a second-class citizen in his world and your son 3rd class.
Honestly give your head a wobble!

Fraaahnces · 21/11/2023 02:54

I looked up the difference between a relationship and a partner. I think this would help you see the difference. You need to tick both boxes if you want to be happy together.

Partner not wanting to split household bills

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/11/2023 05:16

Codlingmoths · 21/11/2023 01:44

She will lose income by merging households, and she will lose income by having a baby with this man. She can’t afford to move in with him if he thinks it’s her cost.

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This. He sounds horrible. If he loves you, he should want to make your life better, not worse. As is, he is literally telling you he won’t and that he will forever see your ds as second to a child you may make together.