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Original poster

Partner not wanting to split household bills

383 replies

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:29

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

OP posts:
Takethehintandfuckoff · 20/11/2023 21:12

This is one of those threads where you have to despair at the stupidity of the OP.

I feel sorry for your son, you’re a volunteer for this arsehole’s selfish cock lodging behaviour, your child is a victim of both of your selfish behaviour.

SheIsStuck23 · 20/11/2023 21:12

@mum1010219

I’m sorry if I’m missing some details but are you saying he wants to move into your house but not pay 50% of the bills?

What is he suggesting then?

And please stop trying to conceive until all this is sorted and he’s paying his fair share and has proven his commitment to you.

At the moment, all I can see is you ending up a single mum to two children because this will not end well.

Zanatdy · 20/11/2023 21:13

This guy is never going to be a decent stepdad , I’d seriously end it now before you are pregnant

Tinkerbyebye · 20/11/2023 21:14

Do not move in with him and do not have a child with him

how much electric, gas,water etc does he think a three year old will use? Practically none as it’s you. Then add in his chargers, his extra lighting/heating if he gets up earlier, extra cooking, extra food for him etc and it will be 50/50ish

he will always treat your child differently and he is showing you true colours.

BadBarry · 20/11/2023 21:14

Well what a catch he is! Please do not move in with or have a kid with him!

Ticklemeharder · 20/11/2023 21:14

Words fail me … trying for a baby?! Come the fuck on OP.

Topsyturvy78 · 20/11/2023 21:15

Don't move in with him and FFS don't have a child with him. If he's refusing to take your son on as his own he isn't worth your time.

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 20/11/2023 21:16

Hope you are not pregnant and tell him you want nothing to do with a man who would treat your son so appallingly.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 20/11/2023 21:16

Why on earth are you trying to have a baby with this person?

Please don't.

And don't move in together.

He doesn't have your or your child's best interest at heart, only his own. And you're not protected when it all goes to hell. And it will.

YANBU

FairyMaclary · 20/11/2023 21:17

Op why are you wanting to live with this man? Why are you attracted to him?
Why would you give up your independence to cohabit with him?

Your spidey senses are there for a reason. Hence you are posting on here. I’d stop trying for baby 2 and have a break from him.

NameChange259 · 20/11/2023 21:19

DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS MAN

NutellaNut · 20/11/2023 21:20

OMG, seriously? This man doesn’t want to contribute to his half of the bills because you have a three-year-old using up all that power, energy, food and resources! Madness. I can only echo other posters and implore you to think again about moving in with this horrible leech.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 20/11/2023 21:21

Greenpumpkinface · 20/11/2023 20:57

You are extremely lucky that he is showing you who is now and how exactly he feels about you and your DS. Take this chance to get out now from this relationship. Don't mess up you and your DS's life for this horrible selfish man.
Prioritise you and your DS.
Absolutely do not have a child with this man.

This. A thousand times.

TheRealLilyMunster · 20/11/2023 21:26

Stop trying for a baby.

Don't move in with him.

He is no good for you or your son - get rid.

TTCbaby2x · 20/11/2023 21:29

He sounds like he's .... not the one

Mrsttcno1 · 20/11/2023 21:34

OP how long have you actually been in a relationship with this man?

First of all, do not even think about trying to have a baby with this man right now while you fundamentally disagree about things.

Second of all though, I think arrangements like this are quite common in “new” families. I have 1 friend who has a 4 year old son and is now with a new partner, they live in a house together but bills are not split equally. She pays 65% of the rent and bills currently on the basis that she pays her “share” and a contribution for her son’s “share”- it’s another room to heat, another tv to have on, another person to bath/shower, another persons food to buy, another set of washing to do, another light to have on etc etc. so a straight 50/50 split would mean he is in essence paying for her child, they both agreed this split and I do think that’s quite common in new families so if he’s proposing that kind of thing then he’s not entirely unreasonable- if he’s proposing not to pay at all then he’s not.

LakeTiticaca · 20/11/2023 21:36

He's a cocklodging CF. He's expecting yoi to pay for him as well?
No way
Dump him

user1471556818 · 20/11/2023 21:50

How horrible for your son .Don't move in don't have a baby with him and have a real think about your future together would be my advice.

Yekaterinap · 20/11/2023 21:50

Now don't be silly, you must know he is a wrong un but still you're going to go ahead and move in with him.

TwinkleTwinkleTwinkleTwinkle · 20/11/2023 21:53

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:51

Yeah rent and council tax would be included in the bill split as well but food for son and anything he needs from say Asda would be fully covered by me

Show quote history

If your son is only 3, he woukd potentially grow to be very close to his step dad. If he discovers this man ring fences the money and bills you separately for his couple of fish fingers, it will in time break his heart. The child will come to see himself as a financial burden on you, and will see that the new baby is treated well in comparison.

How will it work handing down clothes and toys to baby sibling? Will dad reimburse you/your son for those?

The whole set up sounds rather like the plot of Cinderella.

If your new partner loves you, then he should also love your son - particularly if he's only 3. Whatever happened to any friend of yours is a friend of mine?

Get this straightened out before you move in together and certainly before getting pregnant.

And if nothing else, if he earns so much more than you, he should be happy to provide for you.

suitsyoumissus · 20/11/2023 21:56

FFS Op - stop trying to have a baby with him for a start! Then give your head a wobble and think about what this is telling you about how he feels about your little boy.

HowAmYa · 20/11/2023 21:59

Wtf?!
My DP only lives with us on weekends as he works away. DD childcare is split between XH and I.
DP STILL insisted on splitting all costs in half. In fact because mortgage is under my name (bought once exh and I split), DP actually pays the utilities in full. He literally stays here only 30% of the time.
This isn't a partnership OP. This is a business transaction. Your child is being seen as your commodity and not his.
Wtf kind of attitude is that. And WHY ON EARTH would you want a baby with someone who doesn't even view your child as part of your family!!

SawX · 20/11/2023 22:04

Dump him. Pray you aren't pregnant. And move much, much, much slower with the next one.

momtoboys · 20/11/2023 22:06

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 20/11/2023 22:08

Thankfully he has shown you who he is and how he considers you and your son BEFORE you have moved in and got pregnant. Phew. Lucky escape from a financial abuser