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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner not wanting to split household bills

383 replies

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:29

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

OP posts:
wesurecouldstandgladioli · 20/11/2023 20:53

Pooooochi · 20/11/2023 20:51

What a dickhead. How much more does a 3 year old add to bills anyway?

Its probably more the fact that OP is only working one day a week so its likely he would need to subsidise their living costs.

OP has said she can manage the bills on her own.

If he wants to move in, he needs to pay his way, and that’s half the bills.

TicTacNicNak · 20/11/2023 20:53

Seriously, how much gas and electricity does a young child use? I echo everyone else. Don't have him move in as you'll lose your tax credits and single person council tax allowance. Start using effective contraception immediately. He's not a keeper. Your bar is set extremely low but hopefully you'll take our responses in good faith and develop some self worth.

Pooooochi · 20/11/2023 20:53

I dont need his help money wise

What job have you got that pays enough to live working only 1 day a week

Conkersinautumn · 20/11/2023 20:54

Moving in with someone as a single parent also means increased bills like council tax and a loss of eligibility for support with childcare possibly income support.

Original poster
mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:54

Pooooochi · 20/11/2023 20:51

What a dickhead. How much more does a 3 year old add to bills anyway?

Its probably more the fact that OP is only working one day a week so its likely he would need to subsidise their living costs.

Working one/two days a week is what I would be left with working full time after paying childcare.. may aswell spend the time while he's young with him before he gets funded hours and I can up hours at work..

OP posts:
BlueEyedPeanut · 20/11/2023 20:54

Is this really the best you could find to father another child for you? It's going to be a bit shit for your existing son to watch a new baby get treated like family by your partner while he is there in the background being treated like someone else's baggage.

Whattodo112222 · 20/11/2023 20:55

God, in what world would you want to conceive a child with this man. Come on OP, seriously??

TomatoSandwiches · 20/11/2023 20:57

Who suggested him moving in together anyway?
If him moving in means less income and or benefits for you and your son and he ends up saving money without paying his fair share then why bother moving him in?
Throw this one back, he's more than happy to step on your head to serve himself.

Katej82 · 20/11/2023 20:57

Seriously.. he knew she wasn't working to look after her son the one he knew about before he started trying for a baby and moving in with op. He knew about the situation and is acting like a tosser if op moves in with him any support she currently gets may stop. Child's dad may support but op has already said partner will earn 4x as much I think she said. Sorry but to me if you meet and love someone they have a child you love that child and treat as your own family or forget it. If for example a woman said this to a man with a child would you have the same opinion? I think that any such woman would be seen as heartless and selfish just like op partner is. He's willing to let op struggle while he most likely will be better off.

Greenpumpkinface · 20/11/2023 20:57

You are extremely lucky that he is showing you who is now and how exactly he feels about you and your DS. Take this chance to get out now from this relationship. Don't mess up you and your DS's life for this horrible selfish man.
Prioritise you and your DS.
Absolutely do not have a child with this man.

Jewelspun · 20/11/2023 20:58

Good grief! Are you seriously considering moving in with this prat?

Pull yourself together, you can do way better than him!

A toad under a rock would be - better option than this piece of work.

Ontheperiphery79 · 20/11/2023 20:58

Why the hell are you trying for a baby with someone you don't even live with yet?
And, if you feel you can only work 1 day a week with your 3 year old, how do you propose to fund a 2nd (as yet imaginary) child?!
You're clearly not compatible as he doesn't want to pay for the child that isn't his and, to be honest, why should he?

Merryoldgoat · 20/11/2023 20:59

I wouldn’t countenance spending another 5 minutes with a man who felt like that about my child.

Your child will be a second class citizen in his own home with him as a step father.

But you’ll ignore all of the posts telling you this, let him sponge off you, have the baby and come back to tell us how unhappy you are in 2 years.

ExtraOnions · 20/11/2023 21:00

Don’t waste your life on this petty prick … can you imagine how he will be about money in the future ??? No no no no no

Jewelspun · 20/11/2023 21:01

You haven't even lived together and you're trying for a baby!

That alone is beyond stupid.

notmorezoom · 20/11/2023 21:01

This isn't a man to plan your future with.........

Hankunamatata · 20/11/2023 21:04

Why are you ttc when you don't live together, havnt sorted out bills. It's got to be one of the most silly things iv heard of on here in a while

Blanca87 · 20/11/2023 21:05

Please, please read all the cocklodging threads. Then when you are done read the threads where the ‘other ‘ child is treated differently I.e like shit.
Then reread them again. Your future self and child will thank you for enacting on reading and taking stock of those threads.

LimeCheesecake · 20/11/2023 21:05

Whose idea was trying for a baby?

he’s not going to be a good dad. Try again.

WandaWonder · 20/11/2023 21:06

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:54

Working one/two days a week is what I would be left with working full time after paying childcare.. may aswell spend the time while he's young with him before he gets funded hours and I can up hours at work..

Show quote history

Then why on earth have another, a man in a not a plan

SpilltheTea · 20/11/2023 21:07

Why did you think it was a good idea to try for a baby before sorting the basics out first?

Codlingmoths · 20/11/2023 21:08

No no and no, not when you’re talking about another baby. And not anyway if you’ve lost benefits or child tax credits because he’s moving in- you’d be effectively paying him to live with you compared to previous and he thinks that’s fine? But when you’re talking about a baby, what happens on mat leave? You can’t afford it or have to go back sooner because you have to keep paying your older child’s share of the bills? I think this is a case of not a good idea to move in.

greyhairnomore · 20/11/2023 21:09

Please don't move in with him and whatever you do don't have a baby. What happens if you're on mat leave and not earning , what will happen then ?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 20/11/2023 21:10

You're trying to have a baby with someone you don't even live with

What is the world coming to?!?

Beamur · 20/11/2023 21:10

Greenpumpkinface · 20/11/2023 20:57

You are extremely lucky that he is showing you who is now and how exactly he feels about you and your DS. Take this chance to get out now from this relationship. Don't mess up you and your DS's life for this horrible selfish man.
Prioritise you and your DS.
Absolutely do not have a child with this man.

This.
He doesn't sound like a keeper. Quibbling about splitting bills is a huge red flag.
Get back on contraception.