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Original poster

Partner not wanting to split household bills

383 replies

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:29

Me and my and are moving in together, but I have a son from previous relationship but the issue isn't he doesn't want to pay 50/50 on the bills as he will in hindsight be paying for my child, I only work one day a week just now due to childcare and son only being 3 ( he starts funded place in the new year) so he makes nearly 4 times a month what I do, I was saying it will be joint household bills if we all live together?
Made me feel awful as we are trying for a baby of our own and felt like he will never seen my son as his step child, he treats him like one but saying that hurt...

OP posts:
AbondonedThemePark · 20/11/2023 20:43

Oh and also, OP, you need to prioritise your son, and only consider moving in with someone who's going to love and cherish him, not think of him as "yours" who only you pay for. That is not doing the best thing for him.

Patchworksack · 20/11/2023 20:43

Be glad you found out what he’s like before you got pregnant. It may be fair he doesn’t want to contribute to nursery fees etc for a child that’s not his (does the toddler’s father contribute?) but household bills should be spilt between adults. If you are contemplating having a child together you need to make sure he’s up for supporting you both during maternity leave and almost inevitable loss of hours/earnings for years to follow. Meanness is not an attractive characteristic.

2024writeanovel · 20/11/2023 20:43

Are you trying for a baby with this man when you can’t even agree on household finances?

WandaWonder · 20/11/2023 20:44

I really hope this is not real, seriously why are you doing this?

SecondUsername4me · 20/11/2023 20:44

Stop ttcing immediately til you sort this.

How much are you going to lose on benefits by moving in with him? I'd not be too hasty to change your living circs.

TomatoSandwiches · 20/11/2023 20:44

He is taking the piss out of you.
You are just a means for him to save money and have sex on tap, you deserve better, your son deserves better.

CrimsonPig · 20/11/2023 20:44

Do you get child maintenance from the child's dad?

SecretVictoria · 20/11/2023 20:46

redalex261 · 20/11/2023 20:42

Absolutely do not move in with this tosser. DO NOT have a baby with him - will lead to your existing child being “othered” and a poor relation resented by a grown ass man. If you do you will be left a lone parent of two kids - eventually.

Same, if OP was a man he’d be having himself a new arsehole ripped on here. How do you pay for things now if you only work one day a week?

Thursdayusername · 20/11/2023 20:46

That must be really difficult to hear. At least you know now. You can't afford to move in with him and you can't afford to have a baby with him.

Original poster
mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:47

CrimsonPig · 20/11/2023 20:44

Do you get child maintenance from the child's dad?

Yeah I do, son stays over at his dads two nights a week, one which I work and other day pick up overtime if there is any, but I wouldn't except partner to pay for my child told him this anything my sons needs will be me who pays not him but bills are different when we all live under same roof

OP posts:
wokbun · 20/11/2023 20:47

If you weren't having a baby together and were just moving in then I think that's fine for a year or so while you find your feet. You should be able to pay for your son without him.

It gets messy as you're trying for a kid with him.

SecretVictoria · 20/11/2023 20:47

Pooooochi · 20/11/2023 20:42

I don't get this? Why is he supposed to fund your child? Where's your son's father? Hes the one who is supposed to pay for him, be angry at him if he isn't.

He would essentially be funding you to be off work for a child that isn't his. I wouldn't want to do that either.

Sorry @redalex261 I quoted you in error.

Same comments apply to this. I wouldn’t want to pay for someone else’s child either. How do you afford to live now working only one day a week.

wokbun · 20/11/2023 20:48

What bills is he suggesting you split?

TomatoSandwiches · 20/11/2023 20:48

You haven't said what split between bills he was willing to pay op.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 20/11/2023 20:48

SecretVictoria · 20/11/2023 20:46

Same, if OP was a man he’d be having himself a new arsehole ripped on here. How do you pay for things now if you only work one day a week?

Edited
Show quote history

OP is happy to pay her half of the bills, this man doesn’t want to pay half, he wants to pay less than OP.

Why should we rip OP a new arsehole for not wanting to pay more than half?

Her sex is irrelevant.

Original poster
mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:49

wokbun · 20/11/2023 20:47

If you weren't having a baby together and were just moving in then I think that's fine for a year or so while you find your feet. You should be able to pay for your son without him.

It gets messy as you're trying for a kid with him.

I dont need his help money wise but moving in means he would need to contribute towards household bills as he will be using gas/Electricity/wifi, eating food and so on so only fair

OP posts:
wokbun · 20/11/2023 20:50

I guess he'd be paying for the cost of the extra room for your child. They can't use much more electricity and gas- most the cost is a standing charge. Food bills - as your child grows this could cost a fair bit.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 20/11/2023 20:50

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:49

I dont need his help money wise but moving in means he would need to contribute towards household bills as he will be using gas/Electricity/wifi, eating food and so on so only fair

Show quote history

There’s so many men like these, OP. They justify it as you are managing the rent bills on your salary and benefits, so why do you need his contribution.

They’re nothing more than cocklodgers.

Arightoldcarryabag · 20/11/2023 20:51

Good of him to show his true colours before you even got over the threshold, most wait a bit.
Boot him, seriously you don't need this kind of "man" in your life.

I appreciate that despite all these messages that you obviously won't get rid of him but when you realise you deserve better, remember this as one of the early red flags when you're building the strength to leave.

Original poster
mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:51

wokbun · 20/11/2023 20:50

I guess he'd be paying for the cost of the extra room for your child. They can't use much more electricity and gas- most the cost is a standing charge. Food bills - as your child grows this could cost a fair bit.

Yeah rent and council tax would be included in the bill split as well but food for son and anything he needs from say Asda would be fully covered by me

OP posts:
Pooooochi · 20/11/2023 20:51

What a dickhead. How much more does a 3 year old add to bills anyway?

Its probably more the fact that OP is only working one day a week so its likely he would need to subsidise their living costs.

napody · 20/11/2023 20:52

Phew, that was a lucky escape.
So glad he showed you who he was so you can keep your son as far away from him as possible.
What an awful man.

Conkersinautumn · 20/11/2023 20:52

An agreement cannot be reached, failed experiment in living together. Stick to dating him and let him go. Definitely not looking ahead to sharing a child.

isthewashingdryyet · 20/11/2023 20:52

Don’t forget council tax is more as you lose your discount.

but I would not think he is a good person and so would not live with him

wokbun · 20/11/2023 20:52

mum1010219 · 20/11/2023 20:49

I dont need his help money wise but moving in means he would need to contribute towards household bills as he will be using gas/Electricity/wifi, eating food and so on so only fair

Show quote history

I see ok so not rent/mortgage?
I think energy bills and water he should split if he's not paying rent/mortgage. And then perhaps suggest a 60/40 split on food? Depends how much steak etc he eats and how much your child eats. Reassess a year down the line

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