Large financial gift from parents to brother but not me

[Crabbypattys]

I feel so upset by this, I would appreciate others opinions on this matter. So my parents are in their 70s, well off and financially secure. My df called a few months ago and said that he was planning to gift 100k each to myself and my
brother . I understand this was partly to do with trying to avoid inheritance tax all being well. My df asked what I may have in mind for this and I said I would speak with a financial advisor and make sure it is managed wisely. I approached a FA and told them what was being planned. Told my df, then it all went a bit quiet. I waited and waited and then my brother announced he was in the process of buying a property. I text him and asked if he had received the money, he had months ago. I said that I hadn’t and didn’t want to ask as I felt grabby doing so but I couldn’t help but feel this was unfair. My dps have form for favouring db. I often feel excluded from these family situations and there are some unhealthy family dynamics at play I have come to realise. My df called the day after I have had this discussion with db and says he will transfer the money over as is ready. I wait but several days later, nothing. I’m now wondering what on earth is going on, yes, I could ask but again I don’t want to “beg” or appear grabby. Please don’t judge, I know I am lucky in a way this has been offered (but I haven’t actually received it yet). It would be life changing for me and my ds. I feel so upset as I feel like I’m being played with. I’m starting to wonder if it will be given at all. Wwyd?

I agree calling to say the money might have been lost as it hadn’t arrived.

Did you df come back to you on the matter? Hope everything goes as planned for you

OP, did you get the money. I am waiting for an update.

I don’t know why some people think it’s rude and grabby. It’s odd to offer money and not give it. I’d be upset at being offered but it not being given. I’d rather not be offered it in the first place!

Sounds like your DF almost wants you to beg for it given the dynamics of your family

I hope you get an answer soon 🙏

I bet they gave the favoured brother £200k instead.

Agree with this

This..

Feeling as though a sibling has been favoured over you again? I wouldn’t say this was a nice problem to have at all.

OP hope you come back with a positive update.

If your father said he would transfer money & it didn't arrive id 100% chase that up even if its just by chance something went wrong!

As to the rest that's really unfortunate & hope you can sort it out while your all still around

Did you dad ever come back to you?

I'd be worried too that money has gone astray- good luck

Any results, OP?

Money and controlling families don’t mix well. You dad might be looking for reasons to go back on this deal. If I was you I wouldn’t look at houses just yet.

I agree with PP’s that you’ve done the right thing following up. If someone said that they were transferring a large amount to me this week (whether in installments or not) and nothing had appeared, I’d be genuinely concerned that it had been misdirected to the wrong account.

It’s likely that he hasn’t initiated the transfer yet, but he needs to confirm that.

He's not simply controlling, he's pitting one sibling against another. We have this in our family, and it's disgusting. If op does not have her money, I'd simply move on from it, as hard as it would be. No excuses for her father. If you're going to offer, why leave her wringing her hands wondering. Hate to say it, but he might be enjoying it. Not all parents are good parents.

Just ask.
I would like to give my children money ( not that much!) but would prefer to do it only for buying property so I'll probably make a judgement call about that in the future. Unless it was for the start of a business etc I can't see how it would be a good use of it so would probably change my mind depending on the plans.
As in, if they were looking to buy I would consider giving some money. If it was just a gift I would probably until we actually died.

Wait until we died

I know! It's not like the OP has just decided out of the blue to ask her parents for a ton of money, they've offered it to her, given it to the brother but not her, of course you'd ask them!

Need an update OP. Hope you got it sorted

That depends on the bank account. There is not a blanket limit.

The IHT liability rests with the estate, not the recipient of the potentially exempt transfer (PET).