Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Large financial gift from parents to brother but not me

200 replies

Crabbypattys · 20/11/2023 13:41

I feel so upset by this, I would appreciate others opinions on this matter. So my parents are in their 70s, well off and financially secure. My df called a few months ago and said that he was planning to gift 100k each to myself and my
brother . I understand this was partly to do with trying to avoid inheritance tax all being well. My df asked what I may have in mind for this and I said I would speak with a financial advisor and make sure it is managed wisely. I approached a FA and told them what was being planned. Told my df, then it all went a bit quiet. I waited and waited and then my brother announced he was in the process of buying a property. I text him and asked if he had received the money, he had months ago. I said that I hadn’t and didn’t want to ask as I felt grabby doing so but I couldn’t help but feel this was unfair. My dps have form for favouring db. I often feel excluded from these family situations and there are some unhealthy family dynamics at play I have come to realise. My df called the day after I have had this discussion with db and says he will transfer the money over as is ready. I wait but several days later, nothing. I’m now wondering what on earth is going on, yes, I could ask but again I don’t want to “beg” or appear grabby. Please don’t judge, I know I am lucky in a way this has been offered (but I haven’t actually received it yet). It would be life changing for me and my ds. I feel so upset as I feel like I’m being played with. I’m starting to wonder if it will be given at all. Wwyd?

OP posts:
DogInATent · 22/11/2023 07:56

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/11/2023 07:54

We don't know how close OP lives to her family.

It might be a five hour drive.

Show quote history

And how, exactly, does the distance between them affect the OPs ability to pick up the phone, dial a number and talk, rather than send a text/message?

burnoutbabe · 22/11/2023 08:01

YerArseInParsley · 22/11/2023 00:29

BTW look up the rules for inheritance tax. If someone gives a large sum of money away withing 7 years of passing away then that money still counts as their money. I could be wrong but I'm sure that's how it works. You could end up owing money to the taxman.

Well it may fall inside the estate if they die and sone tax due by the estate

But you are not ever worse off by getting £100k now rather than it being part of parents estate when they die.

T1Dmama · 22/11/2023 08:03

Crabbypattys · 20/11/2023 19:31

The above message was for @SM4713

Edited

It would be so much easier if you quoted people when responding, then everyone knows what the answer is in response to rather than having to scroll back to find the original comment.

LookItsMeAgain · 22/11/2023 08:26

I'm getting a sneaky suspicion that the parents have transferred £200k to the brother and not £100k as mentioned and this would both explain why the OP hasn't received the funds she was promised and explain why the brother was able to afford a property to live in.

OP - I hope the above isn't what has happened and that they have just forgotten to transfer the funds to you. I really hope they haven't decided to favour one of their children over the other or play one sibling against the other.

HomiesAlone · 22/11/2023 08:35

I feel so sad for you OP.

nosleepforme · 22/11/2023 08:35

Sounds like brother got 200k…

gnarlynarwhal · 22/11/2023 08:38

Sorry to say but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they had given all of it to your brother. I have very similar dynamics in my family and my brother is very manipulative.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/11/2023 09:25

Are they perhaps waiting until the money is needed for a particular purpose?

Only saying because we have given substantial equal sums to dds to help with house purchases, but we didn’t actually transfer the money until assurance of available funds (as an outright gift) was demanded by the mortgage lender. And there was at least a year between those two occasions.

But unless there’s been estrangement for a genuine reason, or one sibling is extremely well off while the other is struggling, I don’t think it’s in the least ‘grabby’ for siblings to expect equal treatment, and personally I will never understand parents who favour one over the other.

Hijohn · 22/11/2023 09:39

Maybe it’s just crossed wires op. I would just call around if possible.

XelaM · 22/11/2023 09:43

Hope you get your money OP

Andanotherone01 · 22/11/2023 09:50

Ask, ask and ask again. There is absolutely nothing 'grabby' about it. You didn't ask for the money in the first place - it was offered to you.

MrMucker · 22/11/2023 10:24

It's not that easy to gift that amount of money at that stage in life. You have openly stated that they want to avoid a huge inheritance tax hit! They are quite overtly therefore tax evaders, and will need to jump through several hoops with bank etc to circumvent this fact. Your brother helped them by directing the funds straight into property, for which your parents have presumably officially gifted it. But just giving you £100k at this stage in their lives is blatant evasion I'm afraid.

Weird that you would so openly post that they are trying to avoid paying tax and then complain that the money is not forthcoming sooner tbh. Try to appreciate that for them to sort a workaround and legitimise the gift is incredibly time consuming for them.

MissLucyLiu · 22/11/2023 10:30

Still waiting for update !

Scarydinosaurs · 22/11/2023 10:33

Texting about 100k seems really odd I would absolutely call rather than text - or speak in person.

Do you think in your effort to not seem grabby, you’ve come across as too laid back/not bothered?

Perhaps your brother was more enthusiastic and urgent and that’s why he got his first?

burnoutbabe · 22/11/2023 10:36

how on earth is it tax evasion?

Gifts (over £3k or not out of normal income) are exempt from tax if they are more than 7 years before death (subject to some other rules too about other gifts in 7 years before that i think)

so live 7 years and its free of tax. live less than 7 years and its included in estate with some discounting.

Perfectly legal!

I think going to see them or having a clear phone call about the money is best - discussing when and how it will be released. Not assuming (based on posts on this forum) that they are ignoring you and giving it all to your brother.

I mean they MAY be playing a nasty game. But you accusing them of it would be very hurtful if that is not the case. But it will be fairly obvious after one discussion what is going on

Underparmummy · 22/11/2023 10:40

My parents also favour my brother to a ridiculous extent. I use it a template as how not to bring up my children or deal with my adult offspring.

Mydietstartstomorrow · 22/11/2023 10:42

OP we need an update!?

ForTheLoveOfFriends · 22/11/2023 10:51

To keep the ball rolling you can let DF know you're aware he can only transfer £10,000 a day to an account that is not in his name. So transfer will take 10 days to transfer £100,000. ( this applies even if paying HMRC lump sum!) except that’s not true.

I work in the industry and the one I work for you can transfer £25000 to a new payee but £100000 to an existing payee in a day.

The faster payments limits have recently been changed.

Also if he wanted to transfer a lump sum he could make a chaps transfer.

susiedaisy1912 · 22/11/2023 10:52

Just saw this thread. I really hope it's on its way to you op. What a horrible way to be treated if it's not.

Branster · 22/11/2023 10:58

I would just leave it for now OP.
Not having any reply from DF has made it even more awkward. He clearly doesn't want to discuss the matter.
For whatever reason. Maybe he changed his mind. It doesn't matter.
You didn't have this money last week, last month etc, nothing changed.
Forget about the FA, cancel the follow up, you can always start again if anything does materialise.

It's your DF's money, his responsibility to process a transfer correctly.

So put it all out of your mind until anything actually happens. Don't ask about the money anymore. You jay or may not get it over the next few years. Maybe your DF is considering putting it in investments in your or your children's names. Maybe he simply doesn't want to give it anymore. Who knows? At least you are not in any real difficulty because of this promised money (as far as I understand it). Look at it as some form of lottery with a 50% chance of winning.

Really generous of him and you will thank him properly after (if) you receive the money.

ladykale · 22/11/2023 11:01

MrMucker · 22/11/2023 10:24

It's not that easy to gift that amount of money at that stage in life. You have openly stated that they want to avoid a huge inheritance tax hit! They are quite overtly therefore tax evaders, and will need to jump through several hoops with bank etc to circumvent this fact. Your brother helped them by directing the funds straight into property, for which your parents have presumably officially gifted it. But just giving you £100k at this stage in their lives is blatant evasion I'm afraid.

Weird that you would so openly post that they are trying to avoid paying tax and then complain that the money is not forthcoming sooner tbh. Try to appreciate that for them to sort a workaround and legitimise the gift is incredibly time consuming for them.

Ridiculous.

No this is not tax evasion.

They are free to gift it without tax implications provided that the gifter does not pass away within 7 years of the gift

DancingFerret · 22/11/2023 11:12

MrMucker · 22/11/2023 10:24

It's not that easy to gift that amount of money at that stage in life. You have openly stated that they want to avoid a huge inheritance tax hit! They are quite overtly therefore tax evaders, and will need to jump through several hoops with bank etc to circumvent this fact. Your brother helped them by directing the funds straight into property, for which your parents have presumably officially gifted it. But just giving you £100k at this stage in their lives is blatant evasion I'm afraid.

Weird that you would so openly post that they are trying to avoid paying tax and then complain that the money is not forthcoming sooner tbh. Try to appreciate that for them to sort a workaround and legitimise the gift is incredibly time consuming for them.

You're making sweeping, and quite inaccurate, assumptions about the reasons for the OP's father making gifts. Furthermore, you don't appear to understand the difference between tax evasion and tax avoidance; evasion is illegal and avoidance is legitimately arranging your finances in order to minimise your tax bill - it's called financial planning.

Being in his 70s, the OP's father is quite likely looking to avoid, or at least minimise, the amount of IHT which could be payable from his estate on his death, hence making gifts now. To avoid paying any IHT tax on his gift he will need to live for seven years after making it. If he should die within that seven year period, his executors will need to declare the gift and include it as part of his taxable estate. If he dies three years after making the gift, it will become subject to taper relief, which will reduce the tax payable on it.

I hope this will clarify your misunderstanding of financial gifts, but if you are unsure I've included a link which you might like to read to broaden your knowledge on the subject.

https://www.gov.uk/inheritance-tax/gifts#:~:text=The%207%20year%20rule,as%20the%207%20year%20rule.

How Inheritance Tax works: thresholds, rules and allowances

Inheritance Tax (IHT) is paid when a person's estate is worth more than £325,000 when they die - exemptions, passing on property. Sometimes known as death duties.

https://www.gov.uk/inheritance-tax/gifts#:~:text=The%207%20year%20rule,as%20the%207%20year%20rule.

Mylovelygreendress · 22/11/2023 11:12

DogInATent · 22/11/2023 07:56

And how, exactly, does the distance between them affect the OPs ability to pick up the phone, dial a number and talk, rather than send a text/message?

Show quote history

If you read the OP’s posts you will see that she did and they didn’t answer.

user14699084775 · 22/11/2023 11:16

MrMucker · 22/11/2023 10:24

It's not that easy to gift that amount of money at that stage in life. You have openly stated that they want to avoid a huge inheritance tax hit! They are quite overtly therefore tax evaders, and will need to jump through several hoops with bank etc to circumvent this fact. Your brother helped them by directing the funds straight into property, for which your parents have presumably officially gifted it. But just giving you £100k at this stage in their lives is blatant evasion I'm afraid.

Weird that you would so openly post that they are trying to avoid paying tax and then complain that the money is not forthcoming sooner tbh. Try to appreciate that for them to sort a workaround and legitimise the gift is incredibly time consuming for them.

No they’re not tax evaders. They are just intending to pass on their hard earned money without the tax man taking a slice. Perfectly legitimate thing to do, and what everyone with any sort of assets will look to do. It’s as easy as making a bank transfer. No hoops to jump at all.

As long as they live 7 years it’s inheritance tax free, or on a sliding scale if they don’t last 7 years. (Assuming their estate is big enough to fall into inheritance tax, it may not be)

Giving away assets if your trying to avoid care fees is different and called deprivation of assets, but of course they may be lucky and not need care, but it doesn’t sound as though OP’s parents are giving away their last penny anyway.

Ring them OP. If id promised to do similar for my kids, I wouldn’t mind them asking what was going on!

Concannon88 · 22/11/2023 11:16

About ten people have said this now. Give it up.