AIBU to not pick 4 year old DD from school?

[marshyrun]

DD2 is 4 and in reception. She’s had the usual on off cough / colds since starting in September and is just coming to the end of a bad cold, she went to school throughout with me just giving her calpol in the mornings.

She woke up today absolutely fine, had breakfast, in good spirits. Still a slight cough but had some calcough before leaving.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything, they’ve said she’s just being quiet and clingy and not enthusiastic about participating in some of the activities. They’ve asked me to come and collect her if she’s still being “clingy” after lunch.

AIBU to not pick her up unless she’s actually poorly? I’m the first one to drive to school if my child is poorly but this doesn’t seem to be the case today. She’s naturally shy and quiet anyway so her being reserved is not out of character at all!

My apologies. I actually thought I was up to date with the thread but missed that OP had updated 10 mins ago.

Haha yes this is what I was thinking. Pale, clingy and unwell looking kid = vomit on the way!

Imo a child requiring calpol should not be attending school. Coughs and colds are normal but last a shorter amount of time with 2 days rest rather than soldiering on. I am the parent of a vulnerable child for whom a cold requires 5 days in hospital and am sick of not attending places because poorly children have parents who say let’s go anyway rather than staying home. Has covid taught us nothing!

YANBU. I was called last term to collect a bouncing 5yo who "looked a little quiet and wan" in class. They soon cheered up when we went out to an adventure playground, visited a farm park and had ice cream 😂. I told the teacher where we'd been the next day and funnily enough DC wasn't sent home again that term.

I agree with @GotMooMilk and @bahhamburgers . Especially in the winter months when there are so many cold and bugs about, I don't think just generally "under the weather" is sufficient excuse to miss school/be sent home, otherwise some children would constantly be off and some parents wouldn't be able to hold down a job. Days off should be reserved for when children are actually unwell.

@Itsbritneybitch22 in my line of work I can’t just leave without having someone to cover, which doesn’t happen in seconds. I had to wait 20-30 mins for someone to take over for me so I could leave. Which is pretty quick considering how short notice it was.

@GettinChillyHereFFS that’s awful your poor sister.

It shouldn't be taking her 2-3 weeks to get better after a cold. Some symptoms might linger, but the general malaise and feeling death should only ever go on for a few days, or there's something wrong with her immune system.

I don't know why you would want to let your little girl be in school when she isn't well. You know how miserable it is, so why put her through it?

Obviously there should always be rules about what you can/can't do once you come home though. Sofa and TV or bed and book. Nothing energetic, or she was well enough to stay in school.

I have seen some children who just don’t ’look right’ at school that day. Especially if you are with a child every day - you know when they are not ok.

Most times they either throw up within an hour or two, or come down with something that evening. It isn’t fair to make them sit there at school if they are feeling bad, imagine how you would feel if someone didn’t believe you and you had to sit through a day of work feeling ill.

Please pick her up.

Depends if you’re working or not imo. If you’re at home then you should just go pick her up but if they’re expecting you to drop work to collect her then YANBU.

I had to leave work a handful of times when DC were ‘sick’ and they were honestly never actually sick, they would bounce around in the back of car when I collected them. Infuriating.

Yeah she catches another a few weeks later because people like you still send them in unwell! You dosed her up so she was clearly unwell, you then argued the toss over whether you thought she was actually unwell enough to deem picking up.

If it were mine I’d pick her up because they have phoned. My kids still go to school with coughs etc as if they are off I lose income and as the sole income earner I pay the rent and buy the food so would not be happy at having to lose a days pay just because the teacher thought they were a bit more clingy than normal. There have been many a time that it’s happened and my kids learned how to play the teacher (yes even at 4 they did) and they’d act ill to come home simply because they didn’t want to be at school anymore.

It depends on the child IMO. One of mine I would collect in a heartbeat as he is never ill and never complains so if he was it would mean he was really feeling terrible; the other one LOVES a day off and if he’s feeling under the weather tries his hardest to get sent home. I’ve had to say no to picking him up before because I’ve known he’s trying it on or feels a bit under the weather but is largely okay.

Some teachers send kids home at the drop of a hat too. The only time I’ll send a child home with no discernible symptoms is if noro is raging round the school and a child complains of tummy ache. Then it’s off you pop 😂

Sorry, I wasn't clear, my sister hasn't died, but she could. Her DD is about to start nursery so this is a big concern.

Well a lot of parents work so can’t afford to have their child off school every other week and no matter what your child will catch colds as you already spread it before you even know you’ve got it 🤷‍♀️

I kind of feel your pain on this one. My eldest had a chronic, barking cough every autumn/winter for about five years, it would go on for weeks, sounded raw and painful and she was exhausted as it kept her up all night.

Despite referrals and hospital checks there was nothing wrong with her. In the end I insisted on a brown inhaler for 6 months, because that had worked for me in the end. It worked and she finally shook off the cough. I had something similar at her age and turned out I had allergic asthma which was diagnosed in my 30s.

Highly recommend vicks on feet at night, vapour plug in and humidifier at night, to try and stop the nasal drip and the cough.

Do you love your child?

So it's fair to treat school like childcare? Where the teacher cant get on with work because a child is being clingy? Ita not the teachers responsibility to look after a child that is unwell and clingy. Its unfortunate if you have to leave work but that's what happens when you have kids. Germs spread quicker when you have symptoms. Primary aged children are not vigilant with washing hands and covering their mouths when they cough.

What the actual fuck is wrong with some of you? Can't you advise or help without behaving like absolute cows and making it all about you and your superior parenting skills? As if, given your levels of empathy.

OP I feel for you. It isn't always easy to make a decision and it's really difficult juggling jobs and children, as people who work themselves mainly understand. I hope you manage this afternoon 💐

A friend’s parents used to send her and brothers to school with high temperatures. Even if the school wanted to send them home the parents said no. Friend has little to with her parents now.

Oh for heavens sake.

No. I suspect the OP hates her daughter with every fibre of her being.

@HomeschoolMum88 is that really necessary?

@Caplin thank you for the helpful reply, we’ve got a vapour plug in and a humidifier but not tried Vicks on feet! Will give that a go tonight 😊

I'm going to take the opposite view to most here, if I got the same call there is no way I would be picking my DD up. I am in work, 1hr30 minutes away from her school, working in a high pressure job, i'm not going to take the afternoon off because she is 'clingy'!

If they said she had fallen and hit her head or something, sure, work would understand, I would be there as quickly as possible, but in this instance they would just have to wait until normal pick up time.

Tough one but ultimately when the school ask you to come and collect, you have to go and collect.

I have had "the call" a few times over the years when it's been a false alarm and child has been fine but I appreciate the teachers and staff don't have the time or opportunity to give the TLC / quiet time the child actually needed. It's not always about illness but sometimes comfort too when they are that young.

As someone who doesn’t have anyone else to take the kids I had to wait until they started school in order for me to come off benefits and get a job as childcare is so expensive. So yes unfortunately some ppl have no choice but to work when the children are at school. If it was me I can’t actually leave work if they phone me I have responsibilities. It’s nice in a black a white world to just think everything is easy and they must stay at home for a week every other week when they sneeze and cough but the real world in my experience doesn’t work like that. If I don’t work I don’t get paid. If I don’t go to work every other week or more as more than one child then obviously I would get the sack. I don’t know many employers who would be happy for you to be off work so much. I almost lost a temporary job I had because my daughter was off school so much due to getting so many wheezes and needing inhalers. I think ppl who get angry at those who send their kids in with colds need to think that some parents have no choice and could be hanging on by a thread in their job because their child is already off so much. Everyone is so easy to judge.