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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pick 4 year old DD from school?

444 replies

marshyrun · 20/11/2023 11:10

DD2 is 4 and in reception. She’s had the usual on off cough / colds since starting in September and is just coming to the end of a bad cold, she went to school throughout with me just giving her calpol in the mornings.

She woke up today absolutely fine, had breakfast, in good spirits. Still a slight cough but had some calcough before leaving.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything, they’ve said she’s just being quiet and clingy and not enthusiastic about participating in some of the activities. They’ve asked me to come and collect her if she’s still being “clingy” after lunch.

AIBU to not pick her up unless she’s actually poorly? I’m the first one to drive to school if my child is poorly but this doesn’t seem to be the case today. She’s naturally shy and quiet anyway so her being reserved is not out of character at all!

OP posts:
wokbun · 20/11/2023 12:23

I would ask how this being clingy is manifesting and go from there.

Humphhhh · 20/11/2023 12:24

BiscuitsandPuffin · 20/11/2023 12:22

@Humphhhh LOL X-post. 100% agree with you.

It's threads like this that make me realise how far from real life Mumsnet is!

ghostestwiththemostest · 20/11/2023 12:26

Yes, absolutely pick her up. The teacher is there and can see that she's struggling. You're not.

ChocHotolate · 20/11/2023 12:27

They have suggested you collect her after lunch so she is marked as present for the full day

Singleandproud · 20/11/2023 12:29

@BiscuitsandPuffin to be fair I am guilty of that. When I was a SAHM and she was small I'd be much more likely to keep her off compared to when I was working as a teacher in which case it was youre going in unless you've got D&V, now I WFH full-time I'm back to being more lenient to if she needs time off - although she's a teen now and pretty much looks after herself.

TheOccupier · 20/11/2023 12:30

I wouldn't want to pick up in this situation this either. YANBU.

TakeMe2Insanity · 20/11/2023 12:31

But you’ve given calpol every morning to get her to school!!! Surely the biggest clue is there!

BlackInk · 20/11/2023 12:33

Your DD was in school all last week with a bad cold and cough and they didn't call you to pick her up then, so she's obviously now feeling (even) worse than she did. Of course you should go and get her if you can – she's only tiny and clearly not feeling herself. She could be coming down with a chest/throat/ear infection as a result of the virus she's just had. She could just be run down from being in school all week last week with a bad cold. I don't think you can refuse to go and get her!

Justanothermanicfunday · 20/11/2023 12:33

Go get your Little Girl, Op Sad I'm saddened that you're even questioning it!

Itsbritneybitch22 · 20/11/2023 12:34

Why would you send your child to school throughout her illness anyway? This is why bugs go non stop around the schools.

TimetoPour · 20/11/2023 12:36

What are you doing that is more important than looking after your child who is clearly not coping in school? School is not free childcare. You said yourself she has managed until now but today the teacher has noted she is NOT ok and feels she is not up to being in class.

RampantIvy · 20/11/2023 12:36

She might have been fine at 9 am, but by morning break she clearly wasn't. The school were concerned enough to call you, so YABVVU by leaving her at school.

Or is this a reverse?

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/11/2023 12:37

I'm not sure that I'd pick up in those circumstances either. She doesn't have a temp and the school clearly don't think she's that poorly or they'd be asking you to pick her up right away.

Especially if you're at work, you can't just take time off willy nilly.

Chanhedforthis · 20/11/2023 12:37

Surely this is a wind up?

She's your little girl, only 4 and poorly. Surely you want to bring her home and cuddle her, make her feel better?

MikeRafone · 20/11/2023 12:37

collect her if she’s still being “clingy” after lunch.

yeah, as after lunch the register will have been done and she will not count as absent

if she is ill, get her now. If she is not ill then she stays there until the end of day

Luxell934 · 20/11/2023 12:43

Nah you’re right OP stand your ground hun and just let her suffer until the end of the day. Bloody schools thinking they can just send children home for being abit “clingy” with a cough and cold. In my day you just dosed them with calpol and they got on with it. If she doesn’t have a temperature after the calpol kicks in then no one can say for sure she’s really ill can they?!🙄

Just please go and pick up your daughter.

RampantIvy · 20/11/2023 12:48

She doesn't have a temp

She didn't have a temperature when she left the house, but she might have developed one by the time the school contacted the OP.

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/11/2023 12:51

RampantIvy · 20/11/2023 12:48

She doesn't have a temp

She didn't have a temperature when she left the house, but she might have developed one by the time the school contacted the OP.

In the OP.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything

redskyanight · 20/11/2023 12:53

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/11/2023 12:51

In the OP.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything

Show quote history

She probably doesn't have a temp because she was dosed up on Calpol.

hellomi · 20/11/2023 12:55

I'd feel awful leaving my potentially poorly child at school! If the school have called it's for a reason. Go and get her.

Lavenderflower · 20/11/2023 12:55

If the school have called you probably should collect her.

PetalsAndFlowers · 20/11/2023 12:55

In this instance I would pick her up. As others have mentioned, schools like high attendance so they wouldn’t call unless they genuinely felt she was too poorly to be there. Plus she’s only 4 so she won’t be missing a great deal. My DD’s school is the opposite, very strict and sent out an email to parents reminding them that ‘coughs and colds are not a reason not to send your child into school’ 😳 - which makes no sense to me considering some children really do get very poorly with them. I’ve been very lucky with DD as she somehow has a fantastic immune system (didn’t get it from me that’s for sure! I’m always ill 😹) and she’s never had to have any time off. But I’ve seen kids going in that are very poorly 😿
Side note - think my DD’s school is likely unusual in this respect as she also had quite a bad accident a couple of years ago where an set of heavy drawers in the classroom fell on her & left her with a very nasty cut - which she now has a permanent scar from! And they didn’t call me whatsoever at all which I was fuming about at the time (she was only 6!) x

TeenLifeMum · 20/11/2023 12:57

I went and picked up dd3 when she “wasn’t herself” according to teachers but no clear illness… until I picked her up to cuddle her and carry her to the car (reception and tiny child) and she vomitted all over the school’s main reception area. She’d never been sick before so didn’t know the warning signs.

if school say she’s not right, go and get her.

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/11/2023 12:58

redskyanight · 20/11/2023 12:53

She probably doesn't have a temp because she was dosed up on Calpol.

Show quote history

OP says she had Calcough which is just a cough syrup. Glycerin and sugar basically.

Octavia64 · 20/11/2023 12:59

In my experience this usually means the kid is about to vomit and they don't want to clean it up at school.

(TA and teacher many years)