AIBU to not pick 4 year old DD from school?

[marshyrun]

DD2 is 4 and in reception. She’s had the usual on off cough / colds since starting in September and is just coming to the end of a bad cold, she went to school throughout with me just giving her calpol in the mornings.

She woke up today absolutely fine, had breakfast, in good spirits. Still a slight cough but had some calcough before leaving.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything, they’ve said she’s just being quiet and clingy and not enthusiastic about participating in some of the activities. They’ve asked me to come and collect her if she’s still being “clingy” after lunch.

AIBU to not pick her up unless she’s actually poorly? I’m the first one to drive to school if my child is poorly but this doesn’t seem to be the case today. She’s naturally shy and quiet anyway so her being reserved is not out of character at all!

You shouldn't have been sending her in with a bad cold. It's not fair to spread it around to others who could be vulnerable.

Most teachers and parents know when kids off colour. She isn't right in herself. Then she is likely sickening for something.
I would collect her if possible

If the school have asked you to then you should absolutely go and pick her up

It's perfectly likely that she has caught something else or that she's become tired because she's not 100% recovered, she's only 4.

But the school are saying she is 'actually' poorly. She doesn't have a temperature, but that doesn't mean she's not feeling unwell.

You can't just guess whether a child is unwell based on what they were like when you dropped them off earlier. Anyone, child or adult, can feel OK in the morning and then be feeling rotten by lunchtime.

I remember being very anxious one day at infant school, I can't remember why but I was quiet & not myself that day. Not visibly poorly but enough to worry the teacher. The school phoned my mum & she came & got me. The relief! I'll never forget it. Go & pick up your DC.

Yabu

Why wouldn't you collect an unwell and unhappy child from school? She's 4, in EYFS so doesn't need to be in for full attendance anyway. Keep her home and well!

Go get your dd. I don't understand why you're debating it.

Go and get her.

What are you going to say if you don't? "Sorry I don't believe you. You can keep her until the end of the day".

The child is ill. It's a good thing to set a precedent that when you're ill, you rest.

I'd pick her up.
She's clearly feeling grotty and would be better off at home .

You don't have to have a fever to be feeling rough as hell.

Their threshold for sending her home must be pretty high if you've been sending her in with a bad cold and not had a phone call.

Pick her up so you can see for yourself. If they start regularly sending her home when she's fine then you can raise it but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

Sounds like she needs some proper time to recover, poor poppet 🩷 x

If you need to give Calpol your child should not be at school.

Why would you not pick her up?

I wanted to add that I would feel really grateful to the school for noticing she wasn't herself and putting her best interests first. Some schools put their attendance figures first and won't send children home even when they are really struggling X

It depends for me - if I was at work, unless it was near the end of my work day or there was plenty of cover, then I would only be picking her up if she was actually ill but if it was a day I was off work then I'd pick her up and take her home after lunch if they weren't telling me to pick her up immediately.

Clearly the school aren't that concerned as they're essentially saying "Just a heads up, Jane's a bit off today but not enough to need picking up right now, we'll keep an eye on her and let you know if we think she does need collecting later - we just thought we'd give you some advance warning that we may need you to collect her in a couple of hours" rather than "Jane is not well, you need to come and collect her now" so I wouldn't be changing my entire days plans/work unnecessarily.

You'll be putting yourself in an awkward position with school if you don't pick her up. They're not child minders.

Why were you sending a 4 year old with a bad cold in every day? Spreading it round isn't great apart from the fact she's now struggling. Maybe she needed a couple of days off.

I'd collect her. She is still little and feeling under the weather. She needs you, even if she is 'well enough' to be at school.

Get your daughter.

YABVU. It’s a pain if you have work or other things going on but you need to get her.

she’s only little. you’re being mean

The Chief Medical Officer (ie Chris Whitty) has said it's expected that children should go to school if they have a cold so you're not being unreasonable in questioning this. I'd probably go collect her this time but I'd maybe say to the teachers you're keen for her to be in school as much as possible.

Totally fine for kids to have Calpol and go in school. Weird that people are saying it's not.

Wow there are a lot of people on here who clearly don't have jobs to turn up to.
If you keep your child home for every little sniffle, they don't learn resilience and will go out into the world of work doing the same.

If you don't turn up to your job every time your child/ren have sniffles, and every time you have little sniffles, you lose your job.

Even if you find the most inconsequential job in the world that doesn't care how much time you take off for stupid reasons, you still don't get paid.

OP you know your daughter best. And it's fine to give Calpol then send in. Not everyone in the world is a housewife with nothing better to do than hang around outside school hoping their child will be sent home for some company.

@Humphhhh LOL X-post. 100% agree with you.

What is wrong with you for heavens sake? They did not ring you for nothing.

Go collect your little one