AIBU to not pick 4 year old DD from school?

[marshyrun]

DD2 is 4 and in reception. She’s had the usual on off cough / colds since starting in September and is just coming to the end of a bad cold, she went to school throughout with me just giving her calpol in the mornings.

She woke up today absolutely fine, had breakfast, in good spirits. Still a slight cough but had some calcough before leaving.

School have just called to say her teacher has said she’s not herself, they checked her temp (all fine), she doesn’t feel sick or anything, they’ve said she’s just being quiet and clingy and not enthusiastic about participating in some of the activities. They’ve asked me to come and collect her if she’s still being “clingy” after lunch.

AIBU to not pick her up unless she’s actually poorly? I’m the first one to drive to school if my child is poorly but this doesn’t seem to be the case today. She’s naturally shy and quiet anyway so her being reserved is not out of character at all!

YABVU. If your child’s school asks for your child to be picked up, you pick them up. It’s very rude and disrespectful of you to think you can choose to ignore them.

I’d definitely collect her. If you’re busy today then pop her in front of the TV with a duvet, a drink and some snacks. My 5 year old has been under the weather this week and at times has had no temperature but still been really down and not well. I don’t think the school would call if they didn’t think something is wrong.

Shes being clingy because shes unwell! Thanks for sending her in so all the other kids get it!

If it were my 4 year old, I would be there in a flash to scoop him up and have snuggles on the sofa. You know she isnt well and she is only little

Working? Maybe several hours away from home.

My son has a cough, which appeared better but then by mid day he seemed to go downhill quickly so I collected him. While collecting him the receptionist was mid battle with a parent on the phone who was refusing. I'm sure they have a policy that if you don't collect its escalated.

I wouldn't have been delighted that you had been sending her in with a bad cold to spread around the others in the first place tbh!

If you are able to get her, then I would. They've obviously noticed that something isn't right, even more un-right that when she has had a cold, etc. lately. There is a lot going around - at my dc's (very small) school, there are current cases of COVID, strep A, and cryptosporidium (!!), there's not even 100 kids in the whole school, and probably half of each class is out. But if you can't get off work to pick up a child in what is presumably not an emergency situation, then I also think it's okay to say that you aren't able to get there before the end of the day.

When I was in school, if we were unwell, we went to the office and they put out a little cot bed for us and we slept it off until the end of the day if a parent couldn't get us (neither of mine would have been able to just leave work - actually I'm not even sure how easy it would have been to actually contact them, pre-mobile days). It was fine, not amazing, but perfectly fine.

When school has called for me to come get mine, usually they truly aren't well, as school is very keen on high attendance. I also almost always send mine in unless d&v/chicken pox/COVID/fever, but with a bad cold/cough they go in, same as you. I'd trust your instincts on this and obviously it's dependent on if you can actually get to school this afternoon. Sometimes dh or I are an hour or two away and we wouldn't get able to just drop everything, as that's life unfortunately.

Please go and collect her, she’s clearly struggling.

Please stop sending your children to school when they aren't well. It's not fair on your child, on other children, their parents and it's not fair on teachers who are constantly unwell because of it. Please!

Is there a reason you can't pick her up?
Are you working?

Only just seen all the replies. I did go to collect her. I was in work yes, I work 45 mins away, we’re currently at home. Shes now asking if we can play outside in the garden!

With regards to the cold / coughs, I understand we all feel rough (me included) but when do we draw the line at how much time off school? 2-3 weeks off each time until the cold has gone? She would never be at school if that was the case. She gets rid of one cold then the week after she catches another.

Im not worried about attendance, I’ve taken numerous days off this year (for my 4 year old and 8 year old) and that’s fine but we’ve been doing normal activities outside of school - swimming lessons, days out.. She’s ok! Sleeping fine, eating fine, drinking lots, not lethargic. I think it’s a unfair to say I don’t care about her! I took her to the doctors after having the cough a while (thinking maybe chest infection), they said it’ll go on it’s own and to let it run it’s course to build immunity. They mentioned the calcough to ease her cough whilst at school, that’s why I bought it.

The school actually sent a newsletter out at the end of September to say that to avoid lots of children / staff being off with common colds the only way to prevent is ventilation (having windows open) and children can dress in extra layers for class.

Anyway, thanks for all the replies 😊 We’re enjoying a mummy / daughter afternoon until we have to go back to school to pick up her sister.

Sounds like it could be post-viral fatigue. She’s only 4. YABU, but the school could have phrased things better to make the situation clearer.

Typing this from the sofa where I’m snuggling with my under the weather 6yo.

You are the parent. If schools ask you to pick them up you do it. A few weeks ago I was asked to pick up my sick 15 year old so you really need to get used to it now. You have years of this

I get all those who say she’s little get her but from an alternative POV- I run an nhs clinic in a specialist for which there’s an 18 month wait. If we have to cancel patients have to wait 8 weeks for a rebook as I’m fully booked before then.

would you be happy for me to be leaving work and cancelling your long awaited appointment as DC is slightly clingy? DH is in Hong Kong right now so it’s all on me.

I was a school welfare officer (school nurse), so I can see both sides.

Parents can’t win. On one hand, they are told to
send children in with coughs and colds and encouraged to give them calpol before hand if needed.

On the other, they get bitched about by teachers for actually doing it but called in by the attendance officer for explanation after so many days off (my school it was 5 in one term), and told again that mild illness is fine.

My school had the policy of “bring them in and we will decide”. Every winter, I had a stream of unwell kids with their parents outside my office at 8:45 am as it was muggins here who had to decide and who would then get a bollocking from the head if attendance was low.

Teachers used to send children to me to send home if they were just being a pain “she’s being clingy and she was ill last week, can you call mum” and off they would go. Child had no temperature, 15 mins in my office they were okay, teacher got the hump if I sent them back to class, head got the hump if I sent them home, parents would either refuse to collect which meant I had to log that against them, or they would be angry at me when they picked up a perfectly fine child who they had been sending in actually ill the week before as the school put them under so much pressure to.

The whole thing is just shit for everyone involved (apart from he head who always wants high attendance at all costs).

Poor kid 😥

Just seen the update, OP I think you got an unnecessarily hard time on here, but in my experience schools are very worried about attendance figures, so (unlike nurseries) they don't normally call you in to collect lightly. Hope DD feels better!

To all the PP saying why was the child in school in the first place - some schools are very militant about attendance. My DC primary says unless they have a high temperature or D&V, they should come in.

And many parents have to work. You can't keep a child off for every sniffle and hold down a job.

Forgot to add, the school office checked her temp before they called me. It was normal (36.7).

We’re talking about a cough and cold - not an illness - no reason to be off school. Some children (and adults) would never be at nursery/school/work if they stayed off in these circumstances. Employers must love you if you leave work for this.

Do you think that makes a difference to the fact they have called you to collect because she is not ok?

I'm utterly stunned you haven't been to get her already. Poor kid.

Who whips out their phone while at work to post up on mumsnet then drives 45 minutes to pick up their child they didn’t want to pick up 🤦🏼‍♀️

The open window was likely about parents worrying about covid.

I guess fuck everyone else at school then, as long as you don’t have to keep her off school.

Or my sister is now dead because she was immunocompromised after multi operations, some selfish SELFISH fucker sent their kid to school while obviously ill. My niece picked it up and took it home, my sister got sick, caught sepsis and has now died leaving her child motherless and me sisterless.

DON'T BE SO FUCKING SELFISH, COLLECT YOUR CHILD AND DON'T SEND THEM TO SCHOOL WHEN THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY ILL. Yeah it can't be hleped if no one knows they are sick but once you know, keep it to your fucking selves.

This

Be a responsible parent OP.

I'm utterly stunned you haven't been to get her already. Poor kid.

She did. Read the thread.