To not go to the Christmas meal out as there’s nothing for me to eat?

[Anonnnny]

Every year my family and a family friend’s family go out for a Christmas meal at a local restaurant. It’s always the same restaurant, as it’s liked by everyone and there’s something for everyone there.

In the last year I’ve had some quite severe stomach issues, and I recently tracked it down to gluten. If I accidentally eat something that turns out to have contained gluten I get very ill immediately (I’ll spare you the details). I don’t yet have a diagnosis of coeliacs disease, as I can’t face eating gluten for 6 weeks for the diagnosis.

The restaurant we go to for a meal has no gluten-free options aside from steak and I’m a vegetarian. The only thing I think I can have is a bowl of chips. AIBU to not want to go just to sit there whilst everyone tucks into a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings? Everyone is telling me I have to go as it’s our yearly tradition

Your symptoms sound exactly like mine and I have non coeliac gluten intolerance. I am very well and 100% symptom free if I avoid gluten.

It would make no difference to my life to obtain a diagnosis and I can’t imagine why I’d want to make myself very ill and doubled up in pain for 6 hours a day for 6 weeks just to get an official label.

i find it very easy to eat gluten free at home, it’s only eating out in other peoples homes or in ( some ) restaurants that is a nuisance. After being GF for more than 10 years I’ve now worked by lifestyle around it.

The worst thing for me is group meals ( like your Christmas meal ) or weddings. buffets are just a nightmare - even if Gf food is provided for me, some selfish greedy guts will always swipe it, it makes me mad.

Some Gf options I’ve been given at weddings

• a plate of white rice ( nothing else because they had removed the curry )
• a plate of shredded lettuce ( because they had removed the burger and the bun )
• a plate of plain boiled potatoes and a dry chicken breast ( everything else came in sauce or coated with flour ). This one was at a very fancy hotel.
• an apple for desert ( the same hotel who apparently had no other fruit, ice cream , sorbet, meringue, cream, yoghurt, mousse , chocolate or nuts in their 5 star kitchen )

I used to attend a work event in another city every month and there was a buffet lunch provided by caterers. At first they put out sandwiches / crisps / biscuits / cakes marked as gluten free but they soon found out that they were all taken by people who were not GF but “ fancied trying them”.

Then they had a sign asking people to not take the Gf / vegan op rooms unless they had requested them in advance . That made fuck all difference .

They ended up having to put it on a separate plate, cover with cling film and a label with my name on it. That was the only way to stop selfish arseholes from taking the one plate of food I could eat instead of the other 20 plates they had to chose from.

Id say that typical and most of the problem I’ve had have been from people like them.

I have the same problem - I’ve been gluten free for years and managed although eating out is sometimes tricky -recently I’ve now had to go dairy free as well and have 3 Xmas meals booked plus a colleague leaving do
only one of these will have a few options I can eat
I often take my own crackers for starters and rarely find many desserts I can have but have a cocktail instead
sometimes I just miss the meal and join later for drinks

I’ve also suffered from the non special diet needed people stealing my food
At a recent conference over a few days involving 3 different venues it was very variable
Day 1 venue had 6 different hot options of which I could eat 3 amazing - the sides allowed plenty of choice too, day 2 all I could eat was a packet of plain crisps and an apple, day 3 had GF sandwiches but only 1 variety had no dairy and someone else got there before me so I got 2 tiny triangles, the vegan savoury wasn’t GF and the GF one had cheese so ended up with some falafels that I had bought myself n taken in so I didn’t starve

I have an unusual food allergy, not stating what as it could be identified to me. However your symptoms are very similar so I think your analysis is correct and avoiding your food allergen is important. That said families and traditions are important too, I often eat out, salads are usually safe for me, though its a bit miserable watching everyone else tuck in. And I miss gravy 🙃.

I would go, either eat before or after and just have whatever little is safe there. Fortunately I'm usually OK with nachos too and they fill a plate and take time to eat so that's another goto for me.

This may sound dramatic, but you never know who won't be able to join you next year at Christmas, don't miss out on making memories.

Contact the restaurant and see what they can do. They may make you a GF meal or allow you to bring your own.

If not, eat at home and meet up for a couple of drinks?

Ignore people who are dissing your experience - when you have an issue with gluten you know it - I’m not celiac but have real issues with gluten that make me very unwell too.

There is a new test that doesn’t require the 6 weeks eating gluten. Likely only available privately but here’s the info:

https://www.celiac.com/celiac-disease/new-blood-test-will-spot-celiac-disease-without-gluten-consumption-r4328/

failing that there are functional medicine tests that can pinpoint gluten intolerance and celiac available privately via functional medicine practitioners and companies like Invivo Clinical.

in my opinion your family should switch venue so you can enjoy Xmas too.

That's grim.

I would speak to the manager prior and see if they'll permit you to have a suitable meal delivered, given they aren't able to cater to you. You'll still be drinking their wine etc and giving them your family's business,

It's not fair to expect you to sit there like a lemon eating nothing.

YANBU.
I feel for you OP. I have a Gluten intolerance and it is hard but worse if your also vegetarian or vegan. I do take my own food with me sometimes to partys or meals out, especially if just a pub meal. I would contact the restaurant as I'm sure they must be able to help... maybe a GF pizza or vegetarian lasagne🤔

I've been tested twice (NHS) for gluten allergy, once it came out moderately allergic, another time not allergic - the tests are fallible but I come from a family with a lot of coeliacs. I'm not seriously ill when I eat gluten but I do have to spend a lot of time in the bathroom the next morning!
I do my best to eat gluten-free and most restaurants can offer something, though if you're vegetarian as well this may make it more difficult. I find Italian food the easiest as most can cook GF pasta and they know which of their sauces contain gluten. Many coffee shops and snack bars offer nothing at all.
In your position, if this restaurant seriously can't offer any dishes other than steak which are gluten free I'd simply not go.

I used to run conferences and had the same problem. In the end we decided to ask the caterers to simply hold the GF food back until someone asked for it, not a problem in most places. Until the visiting Coeliac had an anaphalactic shock because the polenta used by the caterers had been coated in flour to make it easier to use.....
I think many people believe that those of us who ask for GF food are simply being faddy, which is obviously (usually) not the case.

Your family are awful. Nobody should want to see you suffer diagnosis or not.
I wouldn't go and I would stay home and have a lovely day without them.

My husband is coeliac and I would never expect him to go somewhere that couldn't cater for him. I would urge them to see if they can book somewhere else that offers a gluten-free menu - plenty do. Unfortunately, gluten intolerance is not a choice. YANBU if you don't go and the rest of the family is being unreasonable to expect you to sit and watch while they stuff their faces. Maybe they don't fully understand your condition but It's Christmas and you deserve to be included.

Ask the restaurant first, surely it's in the interest to accommodate. It must be pretty common.

Your family not wanting to change for your potentially serious illness sucks. However kind of strange to say there are no gluten free options aside from chips. If you count chips as GF then surely most of the Christmas meal is GF aside from maybe Yorkshire pudding and gravy? Obviously I can see that a vegan replacement for the meat might not be GF, but you could still have all the potatoes and veg. Have you actually asked the restaurant what they could do for you? It's fine not to want to ask, or not to want to go, but if you don't want to try, that's on you NOT your family.

It's not "unbelievable", this is 100% normal.
The food item itself is gluten free, but then the restaurant should always be telling you that it's still prepared and cooked in the same space as gluten options.
Very, very rarely, if at all ever will a restaurant have a completely separate preparation space, fridge/freezer, oven, and chef to keep gluten free options distanced from gluten options.

I also have food issues, where ever i go i have to telephone first to see if other options, can you do this, contact them?
Most places now have gluten free options, if not, can you make a main course from 2/3 starters?, if not then i would not go.

The OP says in her post of 21/11 at 14.26 that she has spoken to the restaurant and that the chips aren’t actually gluten free and nor are the veg, stuffing, roast potatoes or gravy.

I think she had assumed chips were but various people advised her to check because they often aren’t in restaurants.

So no potatoes and no veg.

cross contamination can happen all to often, I am intolerant to gluten so suffer myself with many IBS type symptoms as well as rashes when gluten has been eaten.
gluten free foods can only be called that when the present gluten measured in parts per million are within the suitable range ( no more than 20 part per million).

it complicated basically -not so simple as most dressings and gravies contain flour and barley .
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x

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thank so much x

I can so relate to this discussion! I am also Gluten intolerant but not coeliac as so many people mentioned. And since my blood test for coeliac came back negative.. I tried to continue with reduced intake of gluten which was followed by months of severe symptoms, distress, weight loss, and a C reactive protein score which went off the charts. But NHS still refused to register a gluten allergy result and stopped further investigation with a vague IBS diagnosis.

Hence those saying that one should wait for a formal diagnosis have not actually tried that route being a non coeliac.

Now I just follow my own diet and am finally managing my symptoms and life better. Carrying packed lunch where I need to, discussing requirements with restaurants or venues in advance and luckily have a great group of supportive friends who cater for my vegetarian plus gluten free requirements.

OP will figure out how to deal with this eventually but a diagnosis is not necessarily going to happen or needed for one to recognise and adapt rather than wait till further damage is done

ASs I understand it, @Kets27 ,the blood test for coeliac disease isn't 100% accurate. The gold standard for diagnosis is an endoscopy. One of my daughters has coeliac symptoms and she's frightened of having an endoscopy. Her doctor told her that, as her gran and myself are coeliac, that's good enough for him to count her as coeliac. He'll now be on the lookout for other conditions related to coeliac disease - osteoporosis, thyroid problems etc. A lovely doctor!

OP I am the same, I can’t eat gluten at all, and I don’t want to be really unwell for six weeks. My GP said that they don’t tend to do the biopsy anymore, they go by your symptoms. All you would have would be a blood test, and if you react to gluten in this way then clearly you mustn’t eat it, so having an official label isn’t going to change anything. What you could do is the private test for the gene, I think it is a mouth swab ? But again, it won’t make any difference to your life anyway. Assume you are coeliac and act accordingly.
I find almost all restaurants can offer something gluten free, or something vegetarian, but not always both together. It is such a pain for group things.
My GP has accepted that I almost certainly have coeliac disease, from my reactions to gluten , and other things I have that often co exist with coeliac.

I'm a bit late here, but bearing in mind everything you've said I think they're being unreasonable. Prolly it's best to just explain that you can't eat there, and so you'll have to give it a miss this year. Either that or they change the venue to one of the very many other places that will be able to provide both you and them with something you can all eat.