To not go to the Christmas meal out as there’s nothing for me to eat?

[Anonnnny]

Every year my family and a family friend’s family go out for a Christmas meal at a local restaurant. It’s always the same restaurant, as it’s liked by everyone and there’s something for everyone there.

In the last year I’ve had some quite severe stomach issues, and I recently tracked it down to gluten. If I accidentally eat something that turns out to have contained gluten I get very ill immediately (I’ll spare you the details). I don’t yet have a diagnosis of coeliacs disease, as I can’t face eating gluten for 6 weeks for the diagnosis.

The restaurant we go to for a meal has no gluten-free options aside from steak and I’m a vegetarian. The only thing I think I can have is a bowl of chips. AIBU to not want to go just to sit there whilst everyone tucks into a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings? Everyone is telling me I have to go as it’s our yearly tradition

Most “NGCI (non gluten containing ingredient)” menus have a disclaimer that while the food is gluten free, every cannot guarantee any cross contamination. Which is how they get around it.

I imagine with this kind of mass catering they aren’t very interested in making sure things are truly gluten free. I’m guessing lots of the veg is coated in flour and roasted.
Like others have said there is a difference between non-gluten including ingredients and truly gluten free.
They should find somewhere where they understand and are willing to make your food separately.

Not in my house either, it's a complete waste of time. 220C fan oven, parboiled and cooled potatoes tossed in (British cold-pressed) rapeseed oil and seasoning = absolutely perfect. Better than goose fat which is not all that, IMO.

@Anonnnny Should you be refraining from gluten before the test? Guidance says to eat foods containing gluten so it will pick up the antibodies. If you've already cut out gluten you'll need a biopsy instead of a blood test.

https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng20/ifp/chapter/when-you-should-be-tested-for-coeliac-disease#:~:text=If%20you%20are%20having%20blood,you%20have%20the%20blood%20tests.

What type of restaurant has no gluten free options? Meat, veg, salad, all gluten free, what are they serving?

I hate doing it, but actually, most restaurants would try to do a special meal for someone if you asked. Just ask.

I could go to a family meal & happily have only a bowl of chips & beverages for my meal, because I'm there for the company not the food. The food is just a sideshow.

Am surprised by what is written in this thread,as there is another someone requesting alternative food and being given short shrift! Allergy and intolerance are completely different! I have Diverticulosis,IBS, and last year panniculitis and mesenteric fat stranding (caused by multiple abdominal surgeries) DH has lactose intolerance. I have also been vegetarian for well over 40 years. I have learnt what I can and cannot eat, for the IBS and diverticulosis, the rest, often every single thing I eat causes terrible pain. Years ago, people used to say, surely you can eat this or this will be ok,or that I was really difficult to cater for, I would say, nope am happy with a cheese sandwich, whats difficult about that. I don't let it dictate where I go and try to get on with living my life... sometimes in dreadful pain. Oh, I've also got a hiatus hernia,so that has to be taken into account as well.

It must be a right royal pain for you! One of my friends is lactose intolerant and cannot eat eggs. Another lady I know cannot eat eggs and in fact collapses and is a hospital job if she does. The problem she had was, the hotel bought in stuff like the curries (which we thought would be ok) and so she did not want to chance it.

Have you spoken to the restaurant? Most are accommodating and will be able to advise if you let them know before you go.

I'm coeliac and you can also get official diagnosis just from blood test showing you have antibodies. I'd ask for one and there's no reason you'd need to eat gluten for 6 weeks.
Also worth phoning the restaurant and seeing if there is a specific accommodation they can make if you organise it in advance.

Meat - might have seasoning, flavourings that aren’t GF. Might be cooked with non GF items
Vegetables - might be prepacked with flour in them to stop them sticking. And same as above.

Its not as easy as people assume.

I have a vegan coeliac friend who can eat Christmas dinner with a vegan option - all the veg, potatoes etc just not Yorkshires, and a nut roast of some sort. I find it hard to believe chips is your only opion

You probably can if you make it yourself at home and know exactly what's in it but not when it's cooked elsewhere with cross contamination, possibly pre packed stuff

I don't know if I'd trust a restaurant that doesn't do gluten-free options to take it seriously enough to be able to do a special gluten-free dish without cross-contamination etc.

If a friend or family member said that they could no longer eat at a certain restaurant because of this, it'd be a no-brainer to find a different restaurant. Enough places do proper GF options that this shouldn't be a problem and the important thing is that everyone's included. No one needs to go back to the same place every year.

If they won't do this, OP should not feel at all bad that she has to opt out.

😂

well, this is it should you ever find yourself back

https://www.nichefoodanddrink.com/

But many things are gluten free anyway, naturally. She can have salad, veg, cheese, potatoes. There is absolutely no reason she needs to sit there with a bowl of chips. And it’s very odd to think she does.

Thank you all for the responses.

To answer a few questions, it's a chain restaurant with a pretty standard menu so I presume things aren't cooked from scratch and there's not much flexibility in their menu. I have contacted the restaurant and they haven't been able to offer any suggestions.

My family are aware of my issues, half of them brush it off; I think because I don't have a diagnosis yet they don't believe me, even though they've seen the effect of when I accidentally eat something with gluten in. The other half understand how ill it makes me, but think I should just sit there with a drink if there's nothing suitable for me to eat.

I know I need to eat gluten for 6 weeks for the testing/diagnosis, but it will make me really unwell so I'm putting it off until I have some time off next year as I know I'll struggle to leave the house.

Contact the restaurant and state you are vegetarian and gluten intolerant, that you can bring food with you or is it possible to have something simple like egg and chips.

Yes, lots of things are naturally GF. Until they aren't, due to contamination, seasoning, gravy, sauce... etc etc.

It's laughable that you think salad, veg, cheese and potatoes is a satisfactory meal when everyone else has a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

The restaurant doesn't have a GF menu, and like I said the only GF that comes up on their menu's allergy sorter thing is steak. After speaking with the restaurant it turns out that the chips aren't GF either, my mistake. Their gravy, roast potatoes, stuffing or roasted veg isn't GF either.

For those that doubt my issue as I don't have a diagnosis, I have had a history of bad stomach issues with cramps, fainting and diarrhoea - including bloody diarrhoea. I've had a colonoscopy as the consultant thought it was IBD (Crohn's or ulcerative colitits). That was negative so they discharged me and said it was IBS or a stomach bug? The issues continued so I did a food diary, and traced it back to gluten. I've only cut out gluten a few months ago, initially as a trial run but it made me feel better immediately and I can't bring myself to start eating it again. I work in the NHS and I couldn't cope with the level of stress and uncertainty of having a bad stomach, never knowing if it's going to flare up when I'm out or at work, and leave me fainting in a public loo.

I was accidentally given gravy that contained wheat flour a few weeks ago without knowing. Cue the stomach cramps, fainting and diarrhoea. I don't care if you don't believe me or think my intolerance is me exaggerating or made up. I don't need a diagnosis to validate my experience.

I'll go through the diagnosis process in my own time when I can plan around being ill for the 6 weeks.

Everyone is telling me I have to go as it’s our yearly tradition

I have someone in my family who has this issue and they do sometimes go to things where they can't eat anything because they want to join in the event and see those people all in one go and understand that for whatever reason moving the event isn't a viable solution. It's nice to sometimes see people enjoying what they enjoy even if you can't.

However, if it was me, I wouldn't be liking the attitude of your actual family to this, so I might refuse to go on principle to make this point very firmly to them. It doesn't bode well, what else would they not budge for? People can be VERY funny around food, and traditions, and personally I try to avoid those sorts of people. My family and friends aren't like this at all which means the planning for going out is very inclusive of medical conditions, and other needs that apply to the venue. I did have some ex-in-laws who were though. Urgh.

One alternative is to ask the venue if they mind you bringing your own meal (such as a GF pasta salad or something that will travel well) and buy drinks and maybe dessert if they have the right thing. Only if you WANT to do that to join in the bonhomie. Or just eat first and buy drinks and nibble on chips (but, would they be cooked separately - how sensitive are you seeming to be to cross-contamination?).

6 weeks of eating gluten again is too little to get a definitive coeliac diagnosis and it's understandable that you don't want to reintroduce it. They used to say at least 10 weeks of eating a normal amount of it, and even that isn't enough for some people; it's know about 20% of people (that may not be the latest estimate, but in that ballpark) who do have coeliac disease don't get a definitive diagnosis that way, ever. 20 years ago there was also no such diagnosis as "non-coeliac gluten intolerance" and you weren't allowed to join Coeliac UK without a coeliac diagnosis, but now you can. Also you can join if you avoid gluten for other reasons such as having another autoimmune disease that responds to a gluten free diet. Times have moved on. (I humbly suggest that a good proportion (all?) of the now-diagnosed "non-coeliac gluten intolerant" folk will be shown to actually be coeliac, down the line.)

So I'd recommend joining Coeliac UK to get support, the directories, etc. There will be a lot of people navigating selfish families at this time of year who can help you with practicalities and how you feel about it. And here's to eating what works for you to stay well.
🍷

Is there anything on the 'normal' menu that is gluten free? As in their everyday menu not festive. I worked in hospitality for years and was the Christmas events coordinator and there is no way we would have let someone be 'excluded' like that and would have worked with you to make sure you had something suitable. This was a huge chain so whilst everything was fairly set in stone, it is managers discretion to allow a change to the menu on event days.
To people saying that they wouldn't feel confident in eating there because of cross contamination, chains normally have the most robust allergen service cycles as they have internal audits which are fair more stringent than EHO. I'm sure the manager or assistant manager would be happy to go over their allergen service cycle with you to put your mind at ease! But honestly, if you haven't already look at their everyday menu and see if there is anything suitable, and then speak to the manager or Christmas events person and say this what I would like instead.

Well @Anonnnny them seeing the effects of you eating gluten obviously isnt enough so it will only be when something of theirs gets damaged they will focus their minds. Has any of them got a nice white sofa where you can sit and ingest gluten.

With all the concurrent issues with eating I don't think it's surprising that eating establishments can't or won't cover them all.
If I was to own a restaurant, I'd cater either for vegans/vegetarians or allergies.
Has anyone on this thread put even 10% of their brain power into thinking how a professional kitchen would look like divided into different contaminant zones, with separate cookware and ovens and gadgets and then to do all the different menus and options to a good standard, with all the ingredients available to hand at the busiest time of the year... It's just impossible.

My son has nut allergy. Luckily, not a life-threatening one, but goodness does it come out the same way it went in. Straight at the table. The last time it was a hot-chocolate vomit fountain in Costa. The hot-chocolate he's had numerous times before and that doesn't contain nut products. But they probably didn't wash the almond milk out well enough after someone lactose-intolerant or vegan had their drink. I won't go into proliferation of almond milk, and vegans, and ethics... You can imagine where I stand. I'm just grateful every day that my son is not at risk of dying from exposure. It's our burden and we navigate.
This "just call and you'll be catered for" is unreasonable and unsafe expectation that at least once resulted in false assurances and a young lad dead after a takeaway.

Personally, I'd lighten the load regarding the chosen burden and choose to prioritise my health and relationships. It's much easier to live a long, healthy and happy life with dented moral pride than dented guts. But that's according to my priority scale.

I wouldn't go. I'm Coeliac, l am not going to a Christmas party organised by a group that l usually meet up with monthly. There will be lots of lovely homemade party food. I went once and it was awful , couldn't risk eating anything, and felt awkward and out of it.
I went to a restaurant once and asked if they had anything gluten free. " Oh we can't be bothered with that sort of thing " was the answer. Pleased to say, we all walked out.
It is not as easy as normal eaters think.

Stay safe and well OP. Its not worth going unless the venue is changed.

@QueenCamilla yes there are many differences Im lactose intolerant but cant have almond milk either. The only thing that works for me is lactose free cows milk