To not go to the Christmas meal out as there’s nothing for me to eat?

[Anonnnny]

Every year my family and a family friend’s family go out for a Christmas meal at a local restaurant. It’s always the same restaurant, as it’s liked by everyone and there’s something for everyone there.

In the last year I’ve had some quite severe stomach issues, and I recently tracked it down to gluten. If I accidentally eat something that turns out to have contained gluten I get very ill immediately (I’ll spare you the details). I don’t yet have a diagnosis of coeliacs disease, as I can’t face eating gluten for 6 weeks for the diagnosis.

The restaurant we go to for a meal has no gluten-free options aside from steak and I’m a vegetarian. The only thing I think I can have is a bowl of chips. AIBU to not want to go just to sit there whilst everyone tucks into a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings? Everyone is telling me I have to go as it’s our yearly tradition

As someone who was on a very restricted diet previously - sometimes you just have to roll with the compromise.

You either miss out on the event and the social interaction, or you give the restaurant a call and confirm they’re happy with someone joining the event and not eating. Then you go along and have a drink and join in the chat, possibly a plain green side salad alongside the mains, or a portion of olives, and a bowl of sorbet for desert.

You accept it’s not ideal, but restricted diets suck and you pick your battles and your compromises.

I wonder could you bring your own food? I know it's not normally done, but you could buy drinks, and sounds like it's a big group of you, so the restaurant will still earn a good amount from your table. Even if it was something small or snacky so you're not sitting with nothing.

You could clear it with the place beforehand, don't mention not having a diagnosis, just say you have a medical condition which their menu doesn't cater for but you'd still like to join your family/friends.

Coeliac here - phone the restaurant. I do this regularly. One year the offering for a work meal out was melon for starter, fish for main course and fruit salad for dessert. I phoned them and told them it wasn’t good enough. I ended up having a great meal and everyone was jealous 🤣

I would contact the restaurant and explain your health issues. My friend had this problem and always rings ahead to explain, it's a shame to miss a meal out.

I have chrones so same issues, must restaurants most cater for your dietary requirements or call ahead and make them aware. I don’t think family should cancel a whole family choice because of one party member

I do sympathise and if you can't trust the restarant after having spoken to them, I think I'd politely not go. I do understand the not wanting to have to eat gluten for 6 weeks thing but have you spoken to a doctor about it at all, because I have seen 2 weeks mentioned before the blood test but not 6? If you get immediate symptoms it might be more serious than an intolerance. Cross contamination can be an issue but if it is an issue for you then deffo talk to a doctor because this is more than intolerance.

I am with you OP, I have just had a similar issue, can't eat certain things because I have diabetes, self managing rather than medication, so don't eat carbs, and I am a vegan, BUT I telephoned the restaurant, (absolutely hated being 'that person') they were super friendly, gave me different options and I am having more of something in the dish rather than the carbs. I would call them and ask if they can make some adjustments

Most places have some gluten free. And just so you know chips can be an issue if not done separately .

Firstly, if you think you are a Coeliac please get tested. I know it's painful to do the 6 weeks of gluten but it's worth being fully diagnosed (or not). It's an autoimmune condition and once you have one you're more likely to develop others which, if tested and positive, you and your GP can be more aware of. There are also additional issues with Coeliac disease such as Osteoporosis and Anaemia etc that should also be checked. And if you are negative, then you, can still avoid gluten but you won't have to go the full on pain in the ass Coeliac version of gluten free where you can't eat 'may contain' or anything that has been in the same oil/water/surface/post code as gluten.

Secondly, if you're a coeliac chances are that chips won't be OK - even in Coeliac UK certified restaurants such as Miller and Carter we can rarely eat the chips.

Thirdly, research where would be better and suggest that to your group. Back to my first point, if you actually have a diagnosis of Coeliac's it helps as it moves any discussion away from being 'fussy' to a bone fide auto immune condition.

Fourthly, I can't tell you the amount of times I have gone out and just had a cup of tea or a wine. As much as it's frustrating I would hate to miss out on the socialising so just eat before I go.

Maybe ring up and ask. Side note, it's always good to ask what else if fried in the same fryer as the chips. A load of restaurants say their chips are gluten free but they are fried in the same fryer as battered fish, chicken and bree so can contain traces of gluten.

Exactly this. Its not always so simple. It can be extremely bland and expensive for not a lot of food if you do join in socially.
I'm coeliac and have been glutened a few times due to cross contamination in places that have poor and unsafe preparation methods. And I've heard on coeliac groups of places offering GF meals but the recipe turned out to have regular vinegar or breadcrumbs, etc.
Small consumption can be severely debilitating for days. People don't get it. It's not a lifestyle most would willingly choose.

A relative has to check the beer in pubs, he is coeliac and can’t risk any gluten. It’s a major issue. I’d ask to go somewhere that can cater for you.

The big chains like Zizzi tend to be able to cater best for dietary needs and you can be sure they’ll adhere to them.
It seems mean to pick somewhere that doesn’t if they know you have to avoid gluten.

I would phone the restaurant as most places cater for gluten free now and either have a separate menu for allergies or mark options on their main menu.

Could they do something like a jacket potato and salad?

That's akward, as I know it's akward for Gluten free, my mum is.. She didn't eat gluten for 6 weeks. She had a blood test done privately.
I thought most places would offer a gluten free options. It's a shame they don't offer a vegetarian option, which is gluten free.

I don’t think it’s as straight forward as this !
I work for a bakers and they can’t do gluten free option as they say they have not got the room in the bake house to be able to avoid cross contamination to make gluten free !
I would ask my family to look at somewhere else that’s more suitable

I would contact the hotel. As long as they know in advance they should be able to cook you something suitable. I live in a rural area, and being vegetarian is hard enough, I feel for you being gluten free too. Most places can rustle up something (but usually forget to add any protein) and always have to ask them not to put parmesan on anything. They always think all cheese is veggie friendly. Could they do you a nice roasted butternut squash and sage risotto with some chestnuts or something that looks festive? I certainly would rather not go if they can't accommodate you, it would be a waste of your money and you wouldn't have a good time.

Iv got no solution for you op, but I really sympathise, You obviously know what upsets you and I can understand why you want to avoid eating stuff that brings on a episode..
Its joke having painful diarheoa.. Hope you get a diagnosis soon

sounds like you can’t go. Or if you do, eat before and just have a drink

I feel your discomfort.

I am awaiting results of a test for a condition I'd never heard of called Bile acid malabsorption.

I would call the restaurant and ask for a vegetarian roast if you can eat that or see if they can accommodate or you bring some gf bits

My friends hubby has been coeliac for many years and she used to phone first and ask , as someone said Turkey / Beef with vegetables and potatoes is fine , check that they don't use flour on their roast potatoes , she used take his own GF gravy granules that the kitchen could make up for him or you could just ask them for a small jug of hot water and mix them yourself, dessert option could be ice cream, so it might not be great but then again you might be surprised at how helpful they are when you ring , and go from there about making your mind up.

Bit surprised by some if these comments

1. Apparently you should just go out and eat food that makes you uncontrollably sh*t your pants or gives you pain like an appendicitis because it's not a formal diagnosis.

AND

1. Because it's a restaurant they've come to love?

First you may never get a diagnosis because it may be severe IBS and not coeliac - in fact for your sake I hope that's the case. I'm baffled as to why anyone thinks you should suck it up and presumably pay for the privilege of making yourself ill.

Second if you'd lost your legs would you be being unreasonable to query the group hill climb if that were the tradition instead of a meal? Or doesn't it count as losing your legs if a doctor hasn't said they've gone?

The advice about asking the restaurant if they can make accommodation and finding an alternative venue yourself is sensible though. And of course if stopping the gluten now will get in the way of any potential diagnosis then you should go along this year and push for the change next.

Assuming you want to go out with a crowd this unfeeling about your health.

We had a very similar situation, family liked local restaurant, one child (ND) liked it very much.
My DS has allergies and restaurant could not supply food suitable for his needs. The meals for DS got worse and worse (we tried a few times). I said we wouldn't go back, relatives said we had to because ND child liked it.
I said that there were other places that could cater for both children. We did have to miss one or two meals out before they realised we were serious, but once I started booking other places and everyone could go, they agreed with me in the end.
Good luck!