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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to the Christmas meal out as there’s nothing for me to eat?

205 replies

Anonnnny · 19/11/2023 23:04

Every year my family and a family friend’s family go out for a Christmas meal at a local restaurant. It’s always the same restaurant, as it’s liked by everyone and there’s something for everyone there.

In the last year I’ve had some quite severe stomach issues, and I recently tracked it down to gluten. If I accidentally eat something that turns out to have contained gluten I get very ill immediately (I’ll spare you the details). I don’t yet have a diagnosis of coeliacs disease, as I can’t face eating gluten for 6 weeks for the diagnosis.

The restaurant we go to for a meal has no gluten-free options aside from steak and I’m a vegetarian. The only thing I think I can have is a bowl of chips. AIBU to not want to go just to sit there whilst everyone tucks into a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings? Everyone is telling me I have to go as it’s our yearly tradition

OP posts:
wesurecouldstandgladioli · 21/11/2023 04:32

porridgeisbae · 21/11/2023 00:03

All you seem concerned about is not bothering the restaurant or hosts.

If someone has one intolerance that's hard enough for the person, but when they're voluntarily limiting their food choices even more, it's a more restrictive diet than it needs to be.

I think she should give up the vegetarianism altogether so she can get more of a range of foods and nutrients more easily, as she's already having to limit what she can eat due to the self-diagnosed gluten thing.

Edited

Are you even listening to yourself?!

Saggypants · 21/11/2023 05:37

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 23:53

Just call the restaurant and see what they can do for you. Veg, gravy, fish, risotto, whatever. Don't have to contain gluten.

Fish? She's vegetarian 🙄

littleroad · 21/11/2023 06:05

The number of people who seem to think everywhere can cater for gf blows my mind. Not every restaurant can or will make adaptions. Even if the food is naturally gf, cooking methods often mean you cannot eat it if you are gf. Many places do use flour to thicken, coat etc. I wish I had just though to ask various restaurants to make something for my coeliac DD….🤦‍♀️

Humbugg · 21/11/2023 07:00

I’ve got coeliac. Sometimes it’s easy to find gf menus, sometimes not. I find big cities better and also chain restaurants.

I’d give them a call and if there’s nothing they can do for you personally I wouldn’t go

Humbugg · 21/11/2023 07:03

Concannon88 · 20/11/2023 22:24

Juat so you know op, actually you dont need to be diagnosed. It's fine to live your life with no diagnosis r to take your time with it. It wont change much.

That’s not right actually.

if you are diagnosed then you are under care. Eg I get regular blood tests, seen by a consultant . I had a dexa scan last year to check my bone density. I get prioritised for flu jab, covid jab as it’s an auto immune disease

magicmole · 21/11/2023 07:14

"Everyone is telling me I have to go as it’s our yearly tradition".

Why would they want you to risk being ill for this tradition or be happy for you to sit with a bowl of chips, wondering if the oil's been contaminated, while they enjoy a lovely meal? You're not being "fussy", it's your health.

Hopefully the restaurant can come up with a gluten-free veggie option for you if you ask (although there's still a risk of contamination). If not, then you don't go, you find somewhere else that does offer GF, or you create a new yearly tradition that doesn't involve a sit-down meal.

We've had to do that in our family so everyone now gets together for a walk somewhere beautiful. People bring drinks and food treats but it's less formal than going for a meal. We sometimes start/finish at a country pub for a drink as that's much easier for people with food restrictions than a sit-down meal.

JanefromLondon1 · 21/11/2023 07:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Rightsraptor · 21/11/2023 07:41

A tradition should not become a tyranny. If your family values tradition over your health and enjoyment, they're telling you something.

SoupDragon · 21/11/2023 07:50

GingerRedBull · 20/11/2023 23:53

Just call the restaurant and see what they can do for you. Veg, gravy, fish, risotto, whatever. Don't have to contain gluten.

The stock used might well contain gluten which rules out a lot of things (like gravy!). Plus there is the issue of cross contamination - when I have a coeliac friend to stay I de-crumb an entire section of my kitchen and everyone has to use the other side if using bread etc. We have separate butter too.

Even if there are "gluten free" options it's a gamble and even more so if the restaurant doesn't understand.

mrsdarkside · 21/11/2023 07:57

Coeliac here and I feel your pain.

What most people don’t realise is that while many restaurants have a gluten free menu, they can’t guarantee no cross contamination.

So a lot of places now have “non gluten containing ingredient ” menus, but they always have a disclaimer about cross contamination, or will just outright say that everything is cooked together. So it’s not actually safe. A lot of places really don’t know the ins and outs of contamination, I’ve been told by managers that “heat kills gluten”.

Even a roast dinner could be contaminated easily.

Timeisallwehave · 21/11/2023 08:01

Ask to change venue. If they don’t offer gf options then they won’t have the catering education to not cross contaminate

Nogg · 21/11/2023 08:02

You Don’t know you are gluten intolerance you think you are.
Lots of people say they are gluten and dairy intolerant these days.
Maybe as you have eaten gluten your whole life. Before now , your family don’t believe you?
Just go and eat chips rather than sit at home on your own eating gluten free vegetables?

SoupDragon · 21/11/2023 08:06

Nogg · 21/11/2023 08:02

You Don’t know you are gluten intolerance you think you are.
Lots of people say they are gluten and dairy intolerant these days.
Maybe as you have eaten gluten your whole life. Before now , your family don’t believe you?
Just go and eat chips rather than sit at home on your own eating gluten free vegetables?

Why would she be sitting at home eating vegetables? Do you think it's not possible to cook full, tasty meals without gluten?

mrsdarkside · 21/11/2023 08:11

Maybe as you have eaten gluten your whole life. Before now , your family don’t believe you?

This is the sort of shit I am up against. I wasn’t diagnosed until my early 40s. I never had any classic symptoms until it’s after my 3rd pregnancy. Even the GP put sudden onset symptoms down to “stress”. I had to go private and immediately celaic was mentioned by the consultant. My blood levels were through the roof! Consultant said you can have the gene and things like viruses, or even pregnancy can trigger it.

So a lot of people don’t believe me, even though I was diagnosed by a consultant and am now under an NHS team for years bloods (blood level normal now so me cutting out gluten), as I used to eat pasta abs bread and be fine and now, it would leave me vomiting , on the loo and with joint pain for days.

mrsdarkside · 21/11/2023 08:14

Oh god, so many typos!

susiedaisy1912 · 21/11/2023 08:16

Don't bother going. If they can't take a look at the menu and realise that there is nothing you can eat then they obviously don't give a shit.

aswarmofmidges · 21/11/2023 08:17

Never knew gluten one could be triggered by virus - thanks for that info

Diary intolerances can be set off by tummy upsets ( pregnancy sickness for example ) which disrupt your bacteria mix as best I understand

Iwantmyoldnameback · 21/11/2023 08:18

I have found Toby Carvery (which I was never a fan of before) one of the best options for CD sufferers. Possibly no the best solution for a vegetarian though.

Member984815 · 21/11/2023 08:18

Call the restaurant ahead of time to see if they can provide a gluten free meal. If not I wouldn't go , have you talked to your family to see if they would change venue so you can eat with them?

Janiie · 21/11/2023 08:24

We have family members who eat a gf diet and are also veg. It's never a problem they just eat the veg?

mrsdarkside · 21/11/2023 08:30

Going against the grain though, after the second time I was caught out in a couple of restaurants in the early days of my diagnosis (GF menu, but obviously contaminated), I don’t eat out anymore. No meal is worth the risk of feeling ill for days afterwards.

I still go out for friends birthdays and things, I just don’t eat. I eat before I go or when I get home and explain that it’s not worth the risk of cross contamination but that I still wanted to spend time with them.

Some people feel awkward with me not eating, but I can’t help that. I’m happy just to go, have some drinks and spend time with people I like.

lolabear1243 · 21/11/2023 08:35

Normally places ask if there's allergies so they must cater to them..No? Nut roast could be adapted to gluten free couldn't it? Veggies gluten free surely? And potatoes cooked in oil instead of beef dripping. Would of thought they can do this, have you spoken to the manager?

SoupDragon · 21/11/2023 08:36

mrsdarkside · 21/11/2023 08:30

Going against the grain though, after the second time I was caught out in a couple of restaurants in the early days of my diagnosis (GF menu, but obviously contaminated), I don’t eat out anymore. No meal is worth the risk of feeling ill for days afterwards.

I still go out for friends birthdays and things, I just don’t eat. I eat before I go or when I get home and explain that it’s not worth the risk of cross contamination but that I still wanted to spend time with them.

Some people feel awkward with me not eating, but I can’t help that. I’m happy just to go, have some drinks and spend time with people I like.

There's a restaurant in London that is entirely gluten free. Admittedly no use if you're nowhere near London of course 😂 I wonder if there are others.

SoupDragon · 21/11/2023 08:38

lolabear1243 · 21/11/2023 08:35

Normally places ask if there's allergies so they must cater to them..No? Nut roast could be adapted to gluten free couldn't it? Veggies gluten free surely? And potatoes cooked in oil instead of beef dripping. Would of thought they can do this, have you spoken to the manager?

The potatoes might normally be coated in flour and seasoning which might contain gluten. Same for chips.

mrsdarkside · 21/11/2023 08:41

SoupDragon · 21/11/2023 08:36

There's a restaurant in London that is entirely gluten free. Admittedly no use if you're nowhere near London of course 😂 I wonder if there are others.

Show quote history

Would you believe l did live in London, but moved 200 miles away a few months before I was diagnosed? 🤣 Just my luck!