To not go to the Christmas meal out as there’s nothing for me to eat?

[Anonnnny]

Every year my family and a family friend’s family go out for a Christmas meal at a local restaurant. It’s always the same restaurant, as it’s liked by everyone and there’s something for everyone there.

In the last year I’ve had some quite severe stomach issues, and I recently tracked it down to gluten. If I accidentally eat something that turns out to have contained gluten I get very ill immediately (I’ll spare you the details). I don’t yet have a diagnosis of coeliacs disease, as I can’t face eating gluten for 6 weeks for the diagnosis.

The restaurant we go to for a meal has no gluten-free options aside from steak and I’m a vegetarian. The only thing I think I can have is a bowl of chips. AIBU to not want to go just to sit there whilst everyone tucks into a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings? Everyone is telling me I have to go as it’s our yearly tradition

Agree with @Nagado be really graphic Extra points if you do it while they are eating something.
The lack of understanding from some people over these intolerances has really fucked me off.

Definitely don’t assume you could have chips - usually these are cooked in the same oil as breaded (gluten) items so really quite bad even for (non- coeliac) gluten intolerance. If the restaurant does not make it clear on the menu or their website their gf options (or at a push that you can ask about gf options) I would not trust that the restaurant understands or cares about gf & would also not be bothered to go.

A lot of coffee shops dont care about lactose free either. Plant milks arent the same. I have discovered these triangular shaped pods of lactose free milk that Arla do but havent tried them yet.

If you're being investigated for coeliac disease your doctors will have advised you to eat gluten whilst investigating your health condition.

She hasn't said she has !

OP, have you communicated clearly with your family about this? Have you talked to the organizer ofthemeal and informed/reminded them that you have to eat gluten free? It’s easy to forget this stuff. It sounds like communication is the starting point here.

If it’s a case of miscommunication and it’s too late to change the venue, you could ask the restaurant if it’s OK for you to bring a packed meal of your own and pay a “table charge” to the restaurant in lieu of ordering.

Or, have you told your family really clearly about the gluten thing and they’ve decided to ignore you, and your desire to not eat with them is more a case of feeling pissed off that they are being inconsiderate of your needs?

YANBU... I've done this with my work Xmas meal the last couple of times. Saves me £50 and an evening with people I'm not particularly fond of 🙈

Soooo many ppl are "gluten free" (undiagnosed), can't you call the restaurant and pre-arrange a special meal? I'm sure they are used to catering to that type of customer by now since it's so common.

You are not being unreasonable. I hope you feel better soon.

If the restaurant is unsure that they can guarantee a gluten-free meal, they might rather let someone bring their own than risk making someone ill, or losing a large booking.
(I was on purees only for a while, and the pub a group of us frequented for Sunday lunch was quite happy that I turned up with a flask of soup.)

My DD needs a GF diet and it's bloody hard work sometimes. Soy sauce is the bane of my life. And chips often aren't an option as they are often coated. There's so many meals in a restaurant that you would think would be naturally gluten free, but inexplicably have gluten in them.

With enough advanced warning the cafe should be able to supply you with some gluten free food - green avocado salad, chips and fruit, vegetable broth or an order in, pre cooked option.

It is in your health's bests interests to sacrifice the time to properly diagnose your stomach issues.

The purpose of the gathering is to have family together so I would go along - even if I ate chips and gluten free snacks from my own pocket.

We've had to do this quite a few times, no where has ever batted an eyelid as long as we buy drinks. DD usually has some wine and a hot chocolate or fancy coffee with her lunch box.

I can't eat gluten and if eating out for a Sunday lunch I have the meat and veg and take my own gf yorkshire puddings and a small flask with gf gravy with me. You could even take some gf stuffing balls!

There's no need to miss out, especially with a meal that is mostly gf anyway.

This is one that catches a lot of people - they would need to be fried in a separate fryer to eg battered fish etc.

Have you joined any of the gf facebook groups, OP? Lots of tips and tricks on there.

Sorry for yet another comment but I agree with PP that you are going to have to fight your corner on this and make it known how bad reactions are.

Once you've cut out gluten, even one crumb can cause mayhem (as I have found all too often when DP accidentally uses my butter 😭) - it's not as simple as bloating and an upset stomach for many, I have debilitating stomach pain followed by days of suffering with an inflamed stomach lining and migraines. It's not a case of 'just having a bit' to please whoever wants you to eat some cake, but people will pressure you.

You will also need to fight the absolutely woeful knowledge of many eating establishments. I was recently told that it was fine to eat something with gluten in it because it had been boiled and hence the gluten is 'killed off' 😡 The ignorance is all too often absolutely staggering, especially considering food allergies/intolerances are covered in the Food Hygiene course all staff are obliged to take!

You really do have to have your wits about you.

Do they do salads? I know it's not very interesting by Vegetarian and gf.

I feel your pain op. I’m a vegan who has just recently been diagnosed with coeliac disease within the last month and there’s not a lot out there, for me it’s a double whammy.

I didn’t realise that cross contamination was such a big deal until the dietician said that I have to even be careful with making toast, so now I use toastie bags and use different spreads to my dd.

The thing is you can’t be 100% that if there was a rush on in the restaurant that they would be particular about making sure there was no cross contamination.

If they didn’t change the venue I’d be declining. It’s your stomach on the line not theirs.
Then maybe next year you could all go somewhere else.
I hope you manage to get it sorted.

I think the problem is some people claim to be intolerant - when really they 'don't like something' .. or 'don't fancy it'..

Absolutely not. Don't pay one penny to this dreadful-sounding place. You should go and enjoy your own gf meal in a restaurant down the street and meet them afterwards for drinks. That's not any more unreasonable than what they're suggesting. How shitty and selfish can anyone be?

(Add) - I mean a good restaurant should be up to the challenge of catering for a veggie who can't eat gluten - it's the mark of a lousy one if they won't, and everyone just gets the standard-issue slop. Just a few seconds of googling and I found this recipe, this could be served with vegetables and mashed potatoes, and an onion gravy made with no gluten flour. It's not difficult, but they just can't be arsed, some of these establishments.
Sweet Potato Seed Loaf Roast (Nut-free roast alternative) GF, Vegan - Kind Earth

I have known I have coeliacs for 30 plus years and I have never known a restaurant to not accommodate me unless it’s a fast food restaurant with pre made food.
The reality is if you feel that you are concerned eating out - so you are going to feel this way at any restaurant are you not? Why not eat beforehand and just drink at the meal? It’s common for some people to have entrée while others don’t. People finish their meals at different times etc etc. unfortunately if you have a gluten intolerance or allergy restaurant experiences are never going to be the same

Hmm Well back at the end of October i had to replace my pedestal mat because i didnt make it to the loo in time. Maybe i should have taken a photo first. Perhaps i should bear it in mind

I was just thinking this. So many things that are gluten free themselves are coated in things containing gluten. I strongly suspect the chips have a floury coating - if you do go, do check.

Also, the risk of cross contamination sounds like a nightmare.

There is no longer something for everyone to eat. Either the place needs to make something you can eat or you find somewhere that does.