To not go to the Christmas meal out as there’s nothing for me to eat?

[Anonnnny]

Every year my family and a family friend’s family go out for a Christmas meal at a local restaurant. It’s always the same restaurant, as it’s liked by everyone and there’s something for everyone there.

In the last year I’ve had some quite severe stomach issues, and I recently tracked it down to gluten. If I accidentally eat something that turns out to have contained gluten I get very ill immediately (I’ll spare you the details). I don’t yet have a diagnosis of coeliacs disease, as I can’t face eating gluten for 6 weeks for the diagnosis.

The restaurant we go to for a meal has no gluten-free options aside from steak and I’m a vegetarian. The only thing I think I can have is a bowl of chips. AIBU to not want to go just to sit there whilst everyone tucks into a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings? Everyone is telling me I have to go as it’s our yearly tradition

Exactly this.

At best I'd join them for a drink at the beginning or end of the meal.

I’m betting it’s a Chinese restaurant. You’ll get nothing. I’d suggest calling and asking can they cater for you. If not adequate options then don’t go but suggest a suitable venue.

OP I'd caution you against chips unless they're specifically gluten free. They can be cooked in the same oil as some of the breadcrumb coverings of some meats/fake meats. I learned that the hard way, I went gluten free this year to, after suffering from the same issues as you.

It took me a while to learn about the cross-contamination too. I bought myself a separate toaster in the end.

I don’t think @snackatack was implying that you or OP were being dishonest about gluten making you sick. Only that there are lots of food “trends” that are fashionable out of preference. Eating gluten can be one of those: something like a third of people who follow a gluten free diet do it for overall health reasons and not due to an allergy. As a result some people think those with genuine allergies are being OTT.

@Anonnnny agree with PP to contact the restaurant and see if they can help.

I think you'll have a choice to make as you adjust to your newly restricted diet OP - do you want to only go to places where you can fully partake, or is it worth missing out on the food if you can get the social side of an evening out? Neither choice is wrong, but it's likely you will have to make it occasionally so maybe worth mulling over where you stand on it.

I think you should go, bring a small amount of your own food and very obviously don't eat anything there. They will likely try to tempt you, and you can reply with "No thank you, I wish I could as it looks delicious and I really miss it, but it would make me sick". As others have said, people are sceptical about intolerances and they may not realise that you wouldn't be able to have anything.

One night of you eating nothing may do wonders for getting the message across. And who knows, maybe you'll enjoy the catch up

Funny thing I said to my dd earlier today that I’m getting myself a separate little two slice toaster just to be on the safe side. Honestly it’s such a palaver…. and everything costs so much more!

I think it will be doable…..if OP actually wants to go, but perhaps really she doesn’t.

She is gluten intolerant it seems and doesn’t have a diagnosis of coeliac. Lots of people have some kind of intolerance and significantly cut down on gluten but are okay about having something like chips cooked in the same oil or very slight cross contamination.

And roast dinner is a good gluten free option really.

I agree that if Op actually wants to go, she can contact the restaurant and they will all likelihood make some adjustments for her and she can have a good meal. But the question is whether she wants to go. Is she peeved that the family haven’t offered to change the location and wants to make a point? Is it that she doesn’t want to go or spend the money or something else? I wonder, because actually sorting this out so she can go and have a good meal is pretty straightforward. And I say this as someone married to a coeliac who really does have to be very careful, but who never turns down an invitation to eat out and always finds a way.

I get that a new allergy ir dietary restriction induces worry and perhaps Op hasn’t adjusted yet to contacting restaurants in advance or having a more limited choice….but rarely is there any need to miss out. Yes, it woukd be nice if they offered to switch location, but if it’s a tradition and everyone likes it, I wouldn’t miss out - it feels a bit like cutting your nose off to spite your face.

I had a very quickie speed-read though the thread and didn't see this already raised, but.
If the restaurant don't offer any free-from dishes there is approx zero chance that the chips are GF.
A kitchen offering GF dishes is a very involved place with segregated prep areas, utensils and even uniforms and a separate cook zone with hobs and fryers away from the regular contaminated kitchen. If a restaurant accepts the hassle and expense of this there will be publicised dishes and menu advisories to make sure the target market actually show up and order to justify the effort.
A normal non-allergy aware kitchen will just slice some potatoes on the normal chopping board and throw them in the regular veggie fryer that held breaded mushrooms 5 mins ago because to the allergy naive that counts as gluten free...

And as an aside OP, I would tested properly for coeliac. It’s more than a gluten intolerance and can have other consequences such as higher risk if osteoporosis and higher risk if other conditions. People with coeliac have flu jabs Covid jabs etc…it’s a long term chronic condition. If you’ve got it, it’s worth knowing about it. Plus, family members etc will be more understanding than if you’re simply ‘cutting down on gluten’ which is essentially what you’re doing ir they think you’re doing at the moment.

it’s a separate issue,but do plan to eat gluten in the New Year so you can be tested.

Hi OP!
l’m a coeliac and I understand what your saying.
eating out is definitely getting easier but I know that this time of year is hard. Unfortunately you need to continue to eat gluten as if you’re going through the diagnostic process, iT will give you a false negative (even tho it makes you sick- crazy I know) you need to continue to eat as when you have your biopsy done, your stomach will show the damage and you’ll get your diagnosis
most places now if you call, can offer plain meals. They will always give a warning about cross contamination but that’s always a risk we take when eating out. You can also see the ingredient book that they have which contains every ingredient.
if you need more help, coeliac uk are a great place to start. Good luck and I hope you get sorted! X

Eh? Phone them and ask them to prep you something, bet they will.

Stuffed pepper, some sort of vegetarian meal is easy to prepare, which will be gluten free.

Why haven't you even tried?

To put the other side's pov, perhaps you've left it a bit late to ask a big group of people to all change their plans for 1 person.
Trying to find a different location that has room may be difficult.

Getting tested might also indicate that you’re not coeliac or possibly even that the gluten free diet isn’t particularly necessary or that simply cutting down a bit will have the same impact. Self-diagnosis of allergies or intolerances is never the same as a formal diagnosis and OP herself doesn’t really know what the consequences of eating a little gluten cross contamination are. She might be slightly intolerant like lots of people and find. That if she cuts out bread and pasta at home and doesn’t eat cakes etc, eating something cooked in oil used for gluten containing ingredients is tolerabke for her.

Currently, she’s trying a gluten free diet. That’s fine. It’s highly likely a safe meal can be found in the restaurant if she speaks to them. They may well ask if she is intolerant or has coeliac. Restaurants know that those with some intolerance are not at the level of risk as coeliacs ….and as OP isn’t a diagnosed coeliac (and it’s impossible to tell from this thread if she would be diagnosed as such) it should be fine to go to a standard restaurant which makes some modifications for her, but cannot guarantee there is zero cross contamination.

Maybe OP is being a little precious? And I say this as someone with a coeliac husband who knows how serious it can be. But he eats out all the time and finds a way. It does involve adjusting and planning ahead more…but really there’s no need to miss out on social occasions…..unless you actually just don’t want to go.

I have severe gluten and dairy issues. I'm not veggie tho. Been out twice recently Greek restaurant they made me a Greek salad main and gf pitta and houmouse to start even gf handmade dairy free truffles. Italian big tricolour salad to start and gf pasta with puttanesca sauce. Both of them I forgot to advise in advance and they did it no trouble. One in Brighton one in Soho

@Anonnnny There is a free Christmas cookery supplement with the current Christmas/December issue of Woman and Home that includes gluten free recipes if you are into your cooking.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable and honestly, I wouldn’t want to go for a festive meal with anyone who thinks this is a good idea.

I have two really complicated allergies as I have both coeliac and milk allergy, and in a nutshell most dairy free food contains gluten and vice versa.

None of my friends and family would ever be ok with this (in fairness, I probably
would because I am just so used to it being a nightmare!). They’d absolutely, categorically insist we went elsewhere without me having to ask or suggest or even slightly hint. Everyone is really protective and supportive and it makes me so sad for you that yours don’t feel the same.

Food allergies are really, really hard work. The least you should have is the understanding of people close to you. It might inconvenience them for an evening but it’s inconveniencing you every day!

They sound like selfish pricks! I know I wouldn't be able to enjoy my Christmas dinner knowing a family member was sitting there hungry but unable to eat anything.

Check with the restaurant if you can be accommodated. If not, either find a different restaurant that will or don't go. If your family don't agree, I'd have to give them a piece of my mind and let them know how horrible and selfish they are.

I know this is controversial @Anonnnny but could you just, not be as strictly vegetarian? Like, have meat at a meal out sometimes. It'd just give you more options so your diet doesn't limit you so much at social occasions.

What is their vegan/ veggie option?

Yes, but you have 2 diagnosed severe allergies. OP doesn’t. The situations are not comparable.

As I said, my DH is coeliac and needs to be very careful. But even he is able to go out to almost all locations by simply r8ngi g in advance and perhaps having a restricted choice. Op needs to get used to having a more restricted choice. It’s part of it.

Shes not diagnosed nor even in the process yet. Finding a Christmas venue for a group is difficult, the group love this venue and in all likelihood options can be found or produced….but OP hasn’t actually asked the question. The idea that she absolutely needs an entirely free-from contamination restaurant is taking things too far given where she is at this current point.

There will be other social occasions over Christmas and beyond. Learning g to cope is essential. Hooefully OP will decide to get properly tested and the. Be clearer about where she is and what’s possible with her diet. At the moment she’s guessing.

@porridgeisbae i actually agree

I have adult onset allergies that really limit my food options. I also have some strong food preferences. I am trying really hard right now to work past those preferences and expand my palette so I have more choices on the menu. I don’t really think it’s fair of me to tell a restaurant or a host that I absolutely can’t eat certain things and then add more to the list that is actually a choice, not medical. It’s a work in progress though built on a lifetime of food aversions Of a certain category and I also have ASD, but I’m trying.

On a Christmas dinner, you wouldn't be able to eat

Stuffing, Yorkshire puddings (if they are on it), gravy. The rest - meat, potatoes, veg and pigs in blankets - would be fine.

My AS has Coeliac disease

How would the meat and pigs and blankets be suitable for OP who is a vegetarian?

So really you are saying she can have a plate of dry roast potatoes and veg. Yum yum 🙄

Why can’t they accommodate you, that’s terrible on their part!? My mother is dairy intolerant and gf I always make sure I accommodate her needs.