To think preferences should be taken into account?

[SuiGeneris]

So: we are spending Christmas with MIL, as every year. Every year she orders a turkey etc and everyone is expected to have some of that and the vegetables. The children and I don't like turkey, so we mostly eat vegetables and just have the smallest decent slice of turkey possible, for appearances' sake.

Yet I do find it odd that no attempt is made to try other things we might dislike less. After all, judging from supermarkets, there are plenty of alternatives people consider and it is well-known none of us like eating meat. We are not vegetarian but just don't like it that much. DH takes the view the kids need to be exposed to Christmas traditions and I am a grown up so can work around the turkey.

Is turkey really such a big deal for Brits? Surely if it isn't a treat it would be better not to have the kids associate Christmas with a meal they have to endure?

Or AIBU and we should just put up with it, after all it is only one day?

Exactly. Is MIL so dense and or joyless that she doesn't want her family to enjoy the meal?

Frankly I'd announce that you are having Christmas dinner at home this year and will see her on Boxing Day.

Turkey is Christmas Dinner. Just eat it or take your own sliced meat with you to have instead

This!!! 👏🏽 we usually do a roast leg of lamb, a beef joint and a chicken or two! Turkey is never on the menu.

I'm not sure what's not to like about turkey!

I usually cook Turkey and duck and get ready to eat ham. MIL cooks a turkey and a big ham. Could you cook something at your place or buy something precooked like a roast chicken or beef or a ready to eat ham.

You Can’t ask people to mess with the centerpiece dishes. You can ask to supplement so that everyone has a favorite holiday dish available. You could prep something the day before or very early morning. You just need to work with MiL to get a bit of time in her kitchen and make sure you clean up after yourself.

if the turkey at your meal is dry and tasteless it’s because the cook is buying cheap turkey and cooking or poorly. It can be an absolutely delicious food. It’s one of the few things my extremely picky ASD child will eat and she does not like dry or bland. Sadly it takes me nearly 24 hours to prepare and I can only get a fresh turkey from the butcher seasonally.

Do your children like ham? You could order a precooked ham and that would taste delicious with potatoes and vegetables. Plus more leftovers for the next day.

Can you be honest with your MIL and just add a ham to the menu?

I've done goose before but it was more effort, more messy, and a good deal more expensive than turkey- certainly more than the turkey crown I get now, and not worth that extra effort for the flavour, which was not as different as I expected, for the extra cost and effort.

Exactly. Goose is far more traditional, and much nicer!

Exactly. Goose is far more traditional, and much nicer!

Not for the extra effort, mess and cost it isn't.

It's roasting a bird, it's really not complex cooking or a great deal of effort. And it's Christmas dinner so more expensive is fine because it is one of the most important feasts of the year. It's more expensive for a reason... because it's far more delicious!

Our whole family of 7 and nobody likes turkey.. usually gammon and chicken and extended family I actually can't think of anyone who does turkey at all

I genuinely love turkey. Christmas dinner is my ideal meal. I don’t think you can expect someone hosting your family unit to cook something else at Christmas. I think it would be perfectly fine among family for you to provide an additional meat as long as you give advance warning before a turkey big enough for everyone is ordered. Tbh though I would think that would want to be mainly for the kids and I agree with your DH that as an adult you could suck up the main, traditional and host-provided food.

Does she know you don’t like turkey? Have you actually told her?

if you’ve always eaten some, perhaps she feels you’re alright with it..

I also feel it’s one meal, and she’s the host.

I'm struggling with all the suggestions to cook something you prefer and whack it on the table alongside the meal MIL has cooked. Isn't this the height of rudeness?

Your options are to eat it politely and say nothing, to offer to host yourself, to politely turn down the invitation or to speak to MIL well in advance and offer the suggestion of breaking from tradition this year.

If someone has invited you to a meal and you've accepted the invitation you absolutely can't turn up with something that you'd rather eat (unless there are specific allergies or needs discussed well in advance). It's basic manners.

Does she not make a ham aswell....??? 😳😳😳

Maybe ask “can I take some of the cooking pressure off you this year by bringing some veggie dishes?”. If I was cooking I’d be delighted.

To be honest I would see it as the same situation as if you go to anyone's house for a meal on a normal day.

If you have an intolerance or allergy, sensory issues, extreme dislike / inability to eat something for whatever reason, you let them know in advance and either they arrange something different or you bring something that works for you.

Other than that, you eat what they cook for you.

It doesn't sound like any of the above really apply to you and your kids so if she is making the effort to host you all, you should eat what she makes.

'I'm struggling with all the suggestions to cook something you prefer and whack it on the table alongside the meal MIL has cooked. Isn't this the height of rudeness?'

@KickHimInTheCrotch Yes, that's what I was thinking! I'd be offended if someone did this at my place, and I would never do it as a guest unless the reason was discussed in advance. It would be incredibly rude to just turn up with your own food.

Turkey is rubbish so YANBU to not like it but your MIL is hosting so she gets to decide and it does no harm to suck it up for one meal. The children might learn to like it even.
I always do a traditional Finnish Christmas dinner and while the children like the ham and the salmon, they don't like the side dishes, most children don't like them, but usually as children grow up they learn to like them and the cycle continues once they are grown up and have children who don't like the side dishes! So my children have a little taste of everything but mostly eat the ham and salmon, and they cope, and in time will most likely eat everything happily.

in Ireland and it’s the same here, most people generally say they like turkey don’t love it but it is the tradition so we eat it. We actually did a different meal one year and yes it felt wrong, like if you decided not to put up the tree, or didn’t go to the switching on of the town’s lights or the school fair or if you bought no eggs on Easter or something. We all said it was just weird!!!

It's one meal out of over a thousand you eat during the year. It obviously means a lot to your MIL. I'd be polite and suck it up.

Take a steak pie with you or something else and offer it up as a 'contribution'

Or tell her you've gone vegetarian.....

Turkey is perfectly nice and succulent if you cook it properly. It certainly doesn't have to be dry! I've had lots of really good home-cooked turkey in my life.

Sadly, in restaurants it often is dry and doesn't taste of much.

Christmas is about testing the load baring ability of the table then the top button of your trousers. It’s not fair to have guests then feed them something they don’t like. It’s Christmas ffs. I wouldn’t go.