To think preferences should be taken into account?

[SuiGeneris]

So: we are spending Christmas with MIL, as every year. Every year she orders a turkey etc and everyone is expected to have some of that and the vegetables. The children and I don't like turkey, so we mostly eat vegetables and just have the smallest decent slice of turkey possible, for appearances' sake.

Yet I do find it odd that no attempt is made to try other things we might dislike less. After all, judging from supermarkets, there are plenty of alternatives people consider and it is well-known none of us like eating meat. We are not vegetarian but just don't like it that much. DH takes the view the kids need to be exposed to Christmas traditions and I am a grown up so can work around the turkey.

Is turkey really such a big deal for Brits? Surely if it isn't a treat it would be better not to have the kids associate Christmas with a meal they have to endure?

Or AIBU and we should just put up with it, after all it is only one day?

In your opinion. I LOVE turkey. As does my DH. Turkey cooked well is delicious. It can very easily be cooked badly and become dry which is where I think a lot of the turkey hate comes from.

It's not about where it's from, and ours comes from a farm 10miles away, it's traditional that's what Brits eat at Christmas.

Like fish and chips at the seaside, ice cream at the cinema, its traditional and some people find comfort in tradition.
Eg, I can remember my mum burning the turkey, cooking it with giblets in, not turning the oven on, at different Christmas's but the memories are warm and fuzzy and that's what traditionalists want. IMO.

Can’t you cook something and take it with you?

YABU

I think you are being a bit fussy. A turkey is traditional and makes sense when cooking for a bigger number of people. And if you don’t actively dislike it and are not allergic, why not just eat it, it is hardly offensive and will taste of gravy as much as anything.

Reminds me of a classic episode of a Royale family Christmas special where they all complain about Turkey but then when Barbara says I don't think I'll cook one next year then and they say what!! No turkey it Christmas.
We just eat it because that's what you do hardly anyone really likes it 😂
Maybe talk to mother in law and suggest doing something different this year a smaller turkey and an additional meat that you would like to pay for.

I'm team MIL. This thread isn't really about not liking turkey. Otherwise the obvious alternatives of other meats / extra pigs in blankets / nut roast would be embraced.

It's about an OP who thinks her MIL is unreasonable for cooking a roast Christmas dinner on Christmas Day. And while I'm all in favour of doing something different, I would suggest it is ever so slightly unreasonable to complain about something completely normal.

I'm team MIL. This thread isn't really about not liking turkey. Otherwise the obvious alternatives of other meats / extra pigs in blankets / nut roast would be embraced.

It's about an OP who thinks her MIL is unreasonable for cooking a roast Christmas dinner on Christmas Day. And while I'm all in favour of doing something different, I would suggest it is ever so slightly unreasonable to complain about something completely normal.
Same here I'm also on team MIL.

Go to someone else's house on Christmas day and expect them to serve spread of canapes, smoked salmon, crudités and dip ... And also cook Christmas dinner for those who understandably want a Christmas dinner on Christmas day.

If salmon is fine OP why don't you just take some salmon with you for you/DH to cook and add to the spread. Problem solved and your MIL doesn't have to mess around making canapés for you and your DC.

Op If I was staying over I'd cook a ham or beef or nut roast before I go and take that and put in fridge. slice on day and put on table with the turkey etc. Then those who don't like turkey can have the other sliced meat with all the same roast potatoes and veg and gravy etc.
That way MIL doesn't have to cook anything extra.

I wish people would stop saying ‘take something else with you’ as if that’s a simple catch-all solution. Surely it could easily be considered the height of rudeness to try to usurp the hostess in this way, especially on such an important culinary day!! I recall other threads on here where that was certainly the consensus.

OP unless I’ve missed it, I don’t think you’ve said how many people we’re talking about and how many of them like turkey. It might not just be about tradition, but some of the party (I’m guessing MIL herself?) really liking it.

Absolutely cracking username btw. Jealous I didn’t think of it 😄. I love a bit of legal Latin. Although maybe it has another relevance I’m not aware of?

There's nothing dry about a turkey cooked properly.. i love a good turkey Christmas dinner! Wouldnt have anything else on Christmas day

I grew up in a household where one meal was made, if you didnt like it, you didnt eat or you made yourself toast. There's no way my parents or my brothers would cook something else, if they want a Christmas turkey dinner, you eat the turkey dinner 😂

You have to go? Why? Can't you stay at home? Can't you see your family/friends (are they abroad?) Why can't you just say that you don't like turkey and you'll pay for something else? I don't get this 'must expose them to Christmas traditions' crap. Branch out and tell your dh to shove the turkey up his ass.

YANBU to not like turkey however YABU to expect someone else to cater to your whims when they are hosting! We all love a traditional turkey roast for Christmas lunch in our house, however I would cook something else as well if I knew someone couldn’t eat it (veggie, allergy etc). If it was just that they’d prefer another meat then I would suggest they bring that or better still just eat the rest of the meal (roast potatoes, turnip mash, chestnut stuffing, sage and onion stuffing, pigs in blankets (if not veggie), parsnips, broccoli, Brussel sprouts, carrots, roasted spicy cauliflower, Yorkshire puds and cranberry sauce) and stop complaining! If you want things done your way then you could offer to host?

This ! Think about this op, these years are YOUR years with your children. Do you really want to look back at them and regret forcing them to eat something at Christmas just to please one person who doesn't care about what her GC would like? Where's your own mind and anger about this? like hell would I be forced to do anything that does not make me or my kids happy. Your MIL had her turn doing Xmas with her own kids, when do you get yours??? Don't let your twat of a dh guilt you into this nonsense - he would rather please his mother than his own family? How does that sit with you?

Take cooked salmon with you then, eat that and stop moaning.

We always ask for preferences when hosting to make sure everyone enjoys their food. Can you slip into conversation oooh, would love ....... or offer to bring a cooked joint to the table? Have done that before, in fact now we all share bringing different items so the onus isn't on one person. Xx

I wish people would stop saying ‘take something else with you’ as if that’s a simple catch-all solution. Surely it could easily be considered the height of rudeness to try to usurp the hostess in this way, especially on such an important culinary day!! I recall other threads on here where that was certainly the consensus.
They're staying with MIL if I remember correctly, not just going along for a meal.

It's entirely reasonable for someone (in this case the husband as it's his mother) to suggest that as part of his and OP's contribution to the Christmas meal, they'd like to offer some salmon along side the turkey.

It's better to do that than expect MIL to make a Christmas dinner on Christmas day as well as a selection of canapes, crudités and dip for the OP and her children to eat, or expect MIL to not do a Christmas dinner because for whatever very outing reasons OP's children won't eat assorted foods.

It's much more reasonable than saying nothing, frothing away that MIL isn't a mind reader, eating obligatory turkey chewing over the fact you'd rather have snacks and dip.

YABU. She is cooking the dinner, she chooses what she cooks. Most people seem to regard turkey as traditional here but like @MrsTerryPratchett I think goose is more traditional, we used to have that ourselves but there isn't enough meat on it for many people and it's very expensive now.
Personally I don't like turkey and cook a cockerel, also a small turkey crown as my DH likes dry white meat and it makes a good curry later in the week.

I mean, if you don’t like what’s on offer you could always skip MIL and cook for yourself and your family

Look at the response 2 posts above yours. That’s the sort of thing I’m talking about.

Sure, if discussed well in advance and sensitively, then taking food doesn’t have to be rude, but these posters just saying ‘just take some salmon, bish bosh job done, stop complaining’ I don’t think are trying to be very helpful. Just the typical AIBU slap the OP down types I suppose.

Tradition usually trumps tbh but if you aren’t from Britain and it’s not your tradition I don’t think it’s fair for you to be expected to eat it. Also we have Turkey but would also have something else, it’s weird her feelings are hurt over kids not liking Turkey, make them something they like or be ok with you bringing a veggie dish, Xmas should be for all not just to please your mil

I really do not understand people who perpetuate tradition for the sake of tradition when they don't even like it. I would literally rather die than serve my guests something, have them not like it, and then insist on making it again every year anyway. It's basically just saying "I want you here, but I don't care if you enjoy it". I would stop going and start my own tradition at my house. But maybe I'm just spoiled because my friends and I all accommodate preferences for each other all the time, and we split costs for big events like this and have multiple small options. We do a turkey breast roast instead of a full bird, a small ham, and a standing beef rib roast, as well as a vegan option, because holidays are meant to be about spending ENJOYABLE time with the people you love, not ticking off boxes on a checklist

eastegg
I see what you mean.

Reading between the lines. It's expected they attend, expected they don't bring their own, expected they eat what's offered, expected they pretend to like it.

There is very little room in those expectations for OP to change the situation. Everyone's helpful suggestions are all challenging one expectation or another. So OP has to do as another person wants. Every year. While simultaneously into having any expectations or preferences herself.

Not Christmassy or good hosting to me. Not at all.