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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think preferences should be taken into account?

294 replies

SuiGeneris · 19/11/2023 22:38

So: we are spending Christmas with MIL, as every year. Every year she orders a turkey etc and everyone is expected to have some of that and the vegetables. The children and I don't like turkey, so we mostly eat vegetables and just have the smallest decent slice of turkey possible, for appearances' sake.

Yet I do find it odd that no attempt is made to try other things we might dislike less. After all, judging from supermarkets, there are plenty of alternatives people consider and it is well-known none of us like eating meat. We are not vegetarian but just don't like it that much. DH takes the view the kids need to be exposed to Christmas traditions and I am a grown up so can work around the turkey.

Is turkey really such a big deal for Brits? Surely if it isn't a treat it would be better not to have the kids associate Christmas with a meal they have to endure?

Or AIBU and we should just put up with it, after all it is only one day?

OP posts:
Ger1atricMillennial · 19/11/2023 23:34

1/2 in and 1/2 out on this one. At no other time of the year would we have a turkey, no-one ever orders it in a restaurant, so it always seemed stupid on the biggest meal of the year that an no one wants the leftovers. But my Mum says its "traditional"... despite me pointing out what a load of bollocks that it.... yes I am that person.

However, in this case I would let her know that as you don't eat Turkey then you are going to bring some chicken or ham with you. She may be upset and think it is rude, but you have told her you don't like and she is essentially ignoring that so its on her.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 19/11/2023 23:36

Take some turkey, smother it in gravy and put a small bit of veg on top of the forkful. You won't taste the turkey, your MIL will be happy. Job done.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 19/11/2023 23:38

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/11/2023 23:29

I take it you're not aware of free range, rare breed turkeys?

When I have to cook it, for guests because unlike PPs I actually think cooking food other people like if you're hosting is important, I do get free range. From a fancy farm/butcher combo near me. But most people don't, do they? They get Tescos/Aldi/Sainsbo cheap ones.

And even the posh one is dry. And yes, I brine and baste and rest. It's still crap compared to lamb or goose.

Nope. All the people I know will buy free range rare breed.

And if it's dry, that's because you can't cook, not the fault of the beast.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/11/2023 23:40

Nope. All the people I know will buy free range rare breed.

LOL. Seriously, you're joking, I assume. You know your mates are unusual or do you think all the turkeys in supermarkets are decorative. Stunt turkeys if you will.

CremeEggSupremacy · 19/11/2023 23:41

Never thought I’d see people get so defensive about turkey

Hotchocolatemousse · 19/11/2023 23:41

Just roast a small joint of beef or something and take it over. Or speak to your mil about contributing towards the meat cost. Then suggest 2 medium joints, one turkey and an another alternative.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/11/2023 23:42

CremeEggSupremacy · 19/11/2023 23:41

Never thought I’d see people get so defensive about turkey

Edited

It's really freaking me out.

<has a lie down>

sixteenfurryfeet · 19/11/2023 23:45

SuiGeneris · 19/11/2023 23:22

Ti those who say to bring something else to add: we cannot,, as we are staying there and if I put on the table something the kids like, they won't eat the traditional food and then MIL will be upset, which is the opposite of what I want to achieve.

It seems the consensus is that that having the traditional meal is more important than people eating something they might enjoy, if they don't like turkey, sausages etc. So very useful AiBU as it means it's wiser to avoid the conversation in real life and just have a hearty breakfast on the day itself.

Well what do the children like to eat?

Damnloginpopup · 19/11/2023 23:45

I buy frozen. Nice and moist. Never had an issue.

SgtJuneAckland · 19/11/2023 23:52

We live in East Anglia, the land of turkeys, so most people who have one get one from a farm rather than Tesco, but even that's not the key, a shit ton of butter (herbed if you want), a veg trivet and regular basting is the answer, and don't cook it for two days.
My granny used to put hers on low over night! It was like eating cotton wool.
How far in advance do you stay there? A gammon joint keeps well and is nice served cold, so does well as a second meat option. Just tell MIL you've seen a recipe you really want to try and saw a gammon on offer so you'll bring it along to share/plenty of Turkey and ham for sandwiches etc.

RosesAndHellebores · 19/11/2023 23:55

I've had bland turkeys but not dry ones. I am a pretty good cook and have had bland very expensive specialist birds and tasty supermarket basic ones.

For looks the turkey is the star of the show; for flavour the pigs, stuffing, gravy, sauces are; the veg adds colour, flavour, crispy crunch, and balance I can't really see what there is to dislike about turkey. There are so many parts to Christmas lunch, there's something for everyone.

Sadly I can see a great deal to dislike about being ungracious towards the host.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 19/11/2023 23:56

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/11/2023 23:40

Nope. All the people I know will buy free range rare breed.

LOL. Seriously, you're joking, I assume. You know your mates are unusual or do you think all the turkeys in supermarkets are decorative. Stunt turkeys if you will.

No, my mates buy traditional slow grow birds.

Sad that your friends buy the supermarket stuff.

archerzz · 19/11/2023 23:59

Bring what you want and serve it with the meal?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/11/2023 00:00

Sad that your friends buy the supermarket stuff.

Could you send thoughts and prayers?

Damnloginpopup · 20/11/2023 00:06

SgtJuneAckland · 19/11/2023 23:52

We live in East Anglia, the land of turkeys, so most people who have one get one from a farm rather than Tesco, but even that's not the key, a shit ton of butter (herbed if you want), a veg trivet and regular basting is the answer, and don't cook it for two days.
My granny used to put hers on low over night! It was like eating cotton wool.
How far in advance do you stay there? A gammon joint keeps well and is nice served cold, so does well as a second meat option. Just tell MIL you've seen a recipe you really want to try and saw a gammon on offer so you'll bring it along to share/plenty of Turkey and ham for sandwiches etc.

Bernie's is one of our biggest local employers...I'd hazard a guess you are more Southwold type than Lowestoft because I would say it's about 90% supermarket out of everyone I know!

Damnloginpopup · 20/11/2023 00:07

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/11/2023 00:00

Sad that your friends buy the supermarket stuff.

Could you send thoughts and prayers?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Concannon88 · 20/11/2023 00:09

I'm convinced no one really likes Turkey. Is so boring and plain and I think it tastes like the colour grey. Maybe just bring a couple of bits you do like (sausages or nut roast maybe?) and ask her to pop them in the oven.

TLDRfuckers · 20/11/2023 00:19

SuiGeneris · 19/11/2023 22:38

So: we are spending Christmas with MIL, as every year. Every year she orders a turkey etc and everyone is expected to have some of that and the vegetables. The children and I don't like turkey, so we mostly eat vegetables and just have the smallest decent slice of turkey possible, for appearances' sake.

Yet I do find it odd that no attempt is made to try other things we might dislike less. After all, judging from supermarkets, there are plenty of alternatives people consider and it is well-known none of us like eating meat. We are not vegetarian but just don't like it that much. DH takes the view the kids need to be exposed to Christmas traditions and I am a grown up so can work around the turkey.

Is turkey really such a big deal for Brits? Surely if it isn't a treat it would be better not to have the kids associate Christmas with a meal they have to endure?

Or AIBU and we should just put up with it, after all it is only one day?

No, turkey isn’t a “big deal for Brits” Hmm

Why take your kids to their grandparents to “endure” a meal? They’re getting fed or do they always have to have their favourite food each time?

YABU and yes how hard is it to eat a slice of turkey on one day of the year if that’s what your PIL choose to cook? You sound very ungrateful.

JanglingJack · 20/11/2023 00:21

I don't understand ham with gravy, but I'd eat if someone cooked it and put it front of me.

DixonD · 20/11/2023 00:26

StrictlyComeSnoozing · 19/11/2023 22:41

I never understand the obsession with having turkey at christmas because compared to every other meat you'd have on a roast, its crap.

It’s amazing if you can cook it properly.

Desolatewardrobe · 20/11/2023 00:35

This is such a weird thread!

As a host I’d always want to be making a meal my guests enjoyed eating, above any tradition.

We haven’t had turkey on Christmas Day in years and still have lovely Christmassy dinners. A random poultry choice shouldn’t define Christmas for anyone - surely better to have a table full of people loving their meal?

SisterhoodNotCisterhood · 20/11/2023 00:44

We never have Turkey. It's just shut chicken to me. We have beef.

Tell your MIL that as neither you nor your children like Turkey, you'll be bringing a roast xxxx (whatever meat preference you have) . If she doesn't like it or throws a tantrum then just say okay, no problem. We'll just do Christmas here. No point in having a dinner we don't eat.

GaggleTheGoose · 20/11/2023 00:48

I don't like turkey, the only time it comes into my home is via a tin of dog food for the dog.
Can't you cook a side of beef at home, then take it with you as an addition to the turkey?
That way everyone's preference is met.

SisterhoodNotCisterhood · 20/11/2023 00:51

Lot of people saying "suck it up" and "it's just one meal" but isn't it THE meal? The one special meal that's meant to make Christmas even better? The one you should be enjoying above all Sunday roast style meals that happen all throughout the year?
A tradition isn't a be all and end all. What about traditions that are shit? Or just outdated and no longer relevant? Should we keep them up just... cos?

Lala87 · 20/11/2023 00:53

YABU Take an alternative but let her know you plan to and why.