To think preferences should be taken into account?

[SuiGeneris]

So: we are spending Christmas with MIL, as every year. Every year she orders a turkey etc and everyone is expected to have some of that and the vegetables. The children and I don't like turkey, so we mostly eat vegetables and just have the smallest decent slice of turkey possible, for appearances' sake.

Yet I do find it odd that no attempt is made to try other things we might dislike less. After all, judging from supermarkets, there are plenty of alternatives people consider and it is well-known none of us like eating meat. We are not vegetarian but just don't like it that much. DH takes the view the kids need to be exposed to Christmas traditions and I am a grown up so can work around the turkey.

Is turkey really such a big deal for Brits? Surely if it isn't a treat it would be better not to have the kids associate Christmas with a meal they have to endure?

Or AIBU and we should just put up with it, after all it is only one day?

People eat turkey all year round. Sure, they don't buy whole turkeys, but they buy turkey breast joints, turkey breast fillets, turkey drumsticks, turkey mince, not to mention the Bernard Matthews breaded turkey products.

Supermarkets would be quick to remove the products from their shelves if they didn't.

What would you and your children like to eat instead of turkey? Ham? Fish? Beef? Quiche? Nut roast? Whatever it is just take it with you.

What sides does she provide and do you eat those?

You could ask what you can contribute/bring - she might agree to something

As long as you are not left hungry though, I would let it go. Not worth the upset for 1 meal

There's usually so much stuff available to eat at Christmas Dinner that you don't need to force down some turkey. Just have the rest.

"No thanks, not keen on turkey", "not my favourite", "eating less meat this year", " I don't want turkey thanks". Or even just don't eat everything on your plate if it gets served anyhow.

If you don’t like turkey just say so, or don't eat it. BUT... you can't use it as an excuse to fill up on more pigs in blankets ( my brother... "I don't like turkey", so I'll just hoover up all the pigs.... noooooooooo)

Why can't you just say 'Thanks MIL for having us, just so you know, the kids and I aren't keen on turkey but I'll bring along a nut roast/(whatever else you eat). Happy to get it ready earlier/day before so we're not in your way.'

Turkey is the worst meat there is IMO. We have rib of beef ( and a Turkey crown for any guests with bad taste!)

YABU for expecting an alternative - just take one with you

I have nothing useful to add OP, other than I too think Turkey is a waste of oven space.

My own mil Always wanted the full works, but as she got older and our numbers dwindled I did chicken, with the traditional trimmings and she declared it the best Turkey she had eaten. Well, indeed it was.

She’s no longer with use so it’s Goose this year.

No body likes everything and most choose turkey for Christmas it's one day

Is it that you just don't like meat or that you want to have something completely different from Christmas dinner?

If it's the former, you could take a vegetarian alternative to go with her veg and trimmings. Can't imagine that's going to cause a lot of upset?

But if it's that you want to eat pasta bake (or something else) instead of her roast, then well, no, you've not really got that much choice other than to just not go.

No one likes turkey. Its just tradition to have one even though everyone would rather have chicken.

If you want to cook a meal that nobody but yourself likes then don’t host? Just make it for yourself and don’t inflict it on people who don’t like it. Loads of absolutely terrible sounding hosts on here. I bet MIL would also kick up a stink if OP did just stay home and ate something nice instead.

This thread is making me want roast turkey. I love it but it does take time to prep and cook it well so we only have it at Christmas. And not to mention the space to store it!

None of which applies to the OP from anything I can see.

Turkey is not for everyone, we've never had it as we don't want leftovers for a week or more.

Use that as an argument for something different perhaps.

You sound so ungrateful. Do you know how long it takes in the kitchen to prepare a Christmas meal? Maybe your MIL does not have enough time to manage cooking another meat?

You could always go over early and offer to help her prepare something else, or bring over something easy like gammon or pigs in blankets.

I agree. I hate all "meat and two veg" type meals and therefore I hate the traditional turkey dinner. We stopped having it years ago. It's pointless wasting all the time and money preparing and cooking a meal that lots of people don't actually like, just because it's traditional!

We have chicken and beef because it's what we actually like. I can't believe people are forcing down turkey for the sake of tradition. That's peak Britain right there. Crazy.

"None of which applies to the OP from anything I can see."

Thank you @Desolatewardrobe . The whole point of asking here was to check whether the cultural attachment is so high most people would serve turkey even if they know most of those participating don't eat much meat at all and specifically don't like turkey. I did not for a moment suggest MIL should make two main meals or that I would want to bring an alternative, as I agree that would be rude.

It just seems odd to me to insist on cooking three different kinds of meat (turkey, pigs in blankets and stuffing) when the guests you have never eat meat with you at any other time of the year. It seems there are a few people for whom the tradition is so important that it trumps whether the guests actually like the meal at all. There are others who, like me, are not so bothered and would just try to do something that pleases everyone, but it is clear we are in a minority.

So issue closed, we'll continue to eat the turkey as we would if it were served at formal dinner party, when you eat whatever is put in front of you regardless.

YABU. mainly for not realising how lucky you are to be invited and cooked for on Christmas Day.

Same. Not keen, never have been and usually just filled up on sides. I don’t mind turkey but few actually do it well ime, where it isn’t dry. I have only had turkey once where it was tender and juicy to the point when they sliced into it, clear juices ran out of it at my aunt and uncle’s and that was over a decade ago.

We spend Christmas at the in-laws most years (stay in an hotel) and MIL plates everyone’s food instead of people choosing what they want. I just cover it in vegetable gravy and eat it, hoping dessert will be something nice.

Christmases we spend at home, we order curry instead which I heavily prefer and look forward to this Christmas. DH will likely make his roast on Boxing Day because he enjoys making them even though he leaves the kitchen in a state afterwards that makes me want to chuck every pot and pan that he used unnecessarily to make it.

the consensus is that that having the traditional meal is more important than people eating something they might enjoy

I had thought that this was a generational thing.

DF was all about tradition and DM always backed him up. It was almost as if he gloried in forcing people to eat things they don't like in order to pay a 'homage' to Tradition in the form of Christmas.

It's been bliss since DP's became too old to manage Christmas, DSis took over catering and manages quietly to cater for different preferences and I take everyone out for a meal to Christmas Eve so her kitchen has a rest the day before the onslaught.

What's more important, doing the same as you last time or catering to some preferences. I'd always prioritise the comfort and wellbeing of my guests. And if they just didn't like anything, I'd have no problem with their not eating it but probably not invite them again.

I’ve only known one person offer a selection of meats at Christmas. I really don’t think many people could possibly afford this, or want the waste. But I do think MIL could be a bit more accommodating or be fine with guests contributing something else.

Unless I have missed it, nowhere has OP said she has discussed this with MIL and she eats the turkey every Christmas, albeit a slice, so I suspect that MIL is blissfully unaware.

I would make pigs in blankets even if one two or three round the table ate them.

I do a turkey for Christmas - though one year we did a goose because it was COVID and I couldn't get a turkey, but a neighbour was selling goose for some ridiculous amount of money and we were stuck. We only have turkey twice a year (I do a Thanksgiving meal too, in a nod to my American heritage). I don't know if guests who show up like turkey or not, and frankly, I've never asked, but if you insist on coming for a meal (we never invite people, they either ask, or just get in touch to tell us what day they will arrive, which is another issue), you get what I'm serving. There's always plenty of sides and no one would go hungry, even if they don't like one part of the meal. That said, we let people serve up themselves and I wouldn't notice or be offended if they didn't take any turkey. I just wouldn't have beef or a ham or whatever on Christmas, because it's not Christmas to me, then it's just Sunday lunch. But I also wouldn't complain if someone else was kind enough to host me and didn't make a turkey.

It just seems odd to me to insist on cooking three different kinds of meat (turkey, pigs in blankets and stuffing) when the guests you have never eat meat with you at any other time of the year. It seems there are a few people for whom the tradition is so important that it trumps whether the guests actually like the meal at all. There are others who, like me, are not so bothered and would just try to do something that pleases everyone, but it is clear we are in a minority

So issue closed, we'll continue to eat the turkey as we would if it were served at formal dinner party, when you eat whatever is put in front of you regardless.

This sounds you're not interested in making some adjustments to Christmas dinner to reflect you don't eat much meat, but you're expecting someone else to either not cook Christmas dinner on Christmas day or cook two meals on Christmas day because some of your family are fussy and would rather have a totally different meal.

It sounds like your DH is right about the kids needing to accept different foods.

If you don't want Christmas dinner, don't go round to someone else's house on Christmas Day. Stay at home and cook whatever food you and your children will eat.