To think preferences should be taken into account?

[SuiGeneris]

So: we are spending Christmas with MIL, as every year. Every year she orders a turkey etc and everyone is expected to have some of that and the vegetables. The children and I don't like turkey, so we mostly eat vegetables and just have the smallest decent slice of turkey possible, for appearances' sake.

Yet I do find it odd that no attempt is made to try other things we might dislike less. After all, judging from supermarkets, there are plenty of alternatives people consider and it is well-known none of us like eating meat. We are not vegetarian but just don't like it that much. DH takes the view the kids need to be exposed to Christmas traditions and I am a grown up so can work around the turkey.

Is turkey really such a big deal for Brits? Surely if it isn't a treat it would be better not to have the kids associate Christmas with a meal they have to endure?

Or AIBU and we should just put up with it, after all it is only one day?

Me too. It is easy to overcook because the cooking instructions say to cook it for too long. Whatever the instructions say, take off at least 30 minutes!

I like turkey sandwiches too. I don't like cold chicken because it is slimy but I do like cold turkey.

But op's mil thinks that op doesn't eat much meat then op doesn't eat much of the meat. How is the mil supposed to know that there is a problem. If someone told me that they don't eat much meat so they will just take a little bit of meat. I will assume that is their preference and they are happy to have a little of the meat and fill their plate with the veg and other things.

I've only read the OP's updates.

Firstly, why are you going to your MIL's every year? Do you have any family of your own? Even if you don't have family on your side, you don't have to go to MIL's every year. You can stay home every other year if you want. It really won't kill your MIL not to see you every year, or to come to yours occasionally.

Secondly, I don't know what others have replied, but we never have turkey because no one likes it. We usually have chicken or duck. If your MIL knows that you and your children don't really like meat, can't you ask her if it would be possible to do something else you will eat as an addition to the Christmas meal? You could stick a piece of salmon in the oven for 10 minutes at the end while the meat is resting. Maybe she just doesn't know what non meat eaters like. I don't think there's anything rude at all in asking whether her Christmas meal can include something else that you and your children will like. But it doesn't sound like she's going to be proactive about it so you will have to ask.

I would tell husband yous don't like Turkey and you will be making a ham/beef to take with you. Its your Christmas too. He's a C if he's goading you into eating food you don't like. If husband isn't fine with that then tell him you and the kids will be having Christmas at home.

I agree, @YerArseInParsley . As long as the OP brings along the alternative meat, what’s the problem? It’s daft making people eat something they don’t enjoy.

Henry VIII had turkey. I’d say 500 years probably makes it traditional.

Imagine if you were invited to a dinner party and you asked for the full menu, then took your own main course because you're not overly fond of what the host is providing.

It's Christmas dinner, it's traditional and it's one meal. Your DH is right that it's good for your DCs to learn how to suck it up for one meal in order to be polite for older relatives.

And even before Dickens, Jane Austen wrote about somebody’s turkeys being stolen.

How old is she? Is it a generational expectation? Mine was horrified when I mentioned this week I’d got the smallest turkey breast joint possible as:
One person who will eat anything and thinks turkey is traditional (her!)
One vegetarian
One child who doesn’t like turkey
One adult cutting down on meat and prefers vegetarian
One adult who eats meat but not keen on turkey but will eat it if presented with it.

Basically all but one person doesn’t care! So I will get loads of pigs in blankets and veggie food, minimise the turkey and make sure it isn’t hanging around as leftovers.

It's not polite to force people to come to your house on Christmas Day every year and always provide the same food when you know they don't like it.

Why does this expectation of politeness only flow one way?

We always do turkey and gammon, maybe just take your own meat of choice?

I agree, @YerArseInParsley . As long as the OP brings along the alternative meat, what’s the problem? It’s daft making people eat something they don’t enjoy.

The OP and her DC don't like meat.

Which is fair enough. There are plenty of vegetarian options to go alongside Christmas dinner. But the OP's preferred alternative of crudités isn't likely to feature on anyone's celebration menu.

And she hadn't told MIL she doesn't like Turkey. I'm sure if she did, MIL would be able to widen the menu.

I suspect that the DH here secretly loves his DM's Christmas dinner and has banned all talk of alternatives. Thus preventing OP buggering it up his Xmas dinner.

@Citrusandginger "I suspect that the DH here secretly loves his DM's Christmas dinner and has banned all talk of alternatives. Thus preventing OP buggering it up his Xmas dinner."

Yes - this.

I must be one of the few people on the planet who actually enjoy a turkey dinner. Granted I'm more about the stuffing and pigs in blankets than the actual turkey, but it's one meal a year, they can eat salmon and carrot sticks the other 364 days.

I don't much like steak pie, but if I'm invited to a home on NYE in Scotland, I’m not going to bring along my own celery sticks as a replacement.

@Citrusandginger 🤣 You might be right, her DH probably loves his Mum’s Christmas dinner.

Lots of differing opinions on this thread, I suppose it boils down to whether the host wants their guests to enjoy the food they’re providing vs. it’s tradition and that’s what we’ve got to have.

I tend to be an accommodating host and would be frustrated if I discovered that I was serving up something year after year that several of my family members didn’t enjoy- and my son hadn’t told me!

I wouldn’t have an issue providing an alternative main course or have them bring something that they prefer.

Exactly! We mainly do Turkey to have cold with pickles on Boxing Day. Xmas day is all about pigs in blankets, bread sauce & all the trimmings. I've cooked various additions over the years to keep everyone happy & managed not to be offended.

I love Turkey. However, not everyone is gifted with it.

Turkey is inoffensive.
it might not be your favourite but you can eat your favourite literally any other day.
its not a big deal.

Well, whatever it is they want to eat.

Who knows why her husband is insisting she eats it but he's a douche. You don't try force people to eat something they don't like just to look good.

How is it not a big deal? OP and her kids don't want to eat it. Has she just to do what her husband wants her to do?