To think preferences should be taken into account?

[SuiGeneris]

So: we are spending Christmas with MIL, as every year. Every year she orders a turkey etc and everyone is expected to have some of that and the vegetables. The children and I don't like turkey, so we mostly eat vegetables and just have the smallest decent slice of turkey possible, for appearances' sake.

Yet I do find it odd that no attempt is made to try other things we might dislike less. After all, judging from supermarkets, there are plenty of alternatives people consider and it is well-known none of us like eating meat. We are not vegetarian but just don't like it that much. DH takes the view the kids need to be exposed to Christmas traditions and I am a grown up so can work around the turkey.

Is turkey really such a big deal for Brits? Surely if it isn't a treat it would be better not to have the kids associate Christmas with a meal they have to endure?

Or AIBU and we should just put up with it, after all it is only one day?

Turkey, pigs in blankets, sprouts....these are all very typical British christmas meal, its once a year, and mil is the one buying and cooking. You'll not starve, and your children will remember gifts, the tree, sitting around the table together, crackers, desserts, sweeties, etc etc. They would be unusual to associate Christmas with havig to eat a tiny sluce of a meat they dont particularly enjoy alingside all the foods they do enjoy.

Turkey doesn't need to be dry though. One year I managed to cook the most delicious turkey by accident. I don't understand why people thinks it needs to be in the oven the moment you wake up 🙄

And yes YABU and precious.

That said, we're going out for a curry this year 🤣 Me, DD and my ex - her Dad. After 3 years of cooking, I can't be bothered. I need brussels though!

I know it's A tradition. I don't think it's THE tradition.

Plus, it's shit so why? Just because you can feed a lot of people fairly easily and cheaply. I'd rather have any other meat and most fish.

To those who say "suck it up or host" : I would dearly love to, but cannot as MIL lives far and is always busy around Christmas so would find it too inconvenient to come over.

I am not suggesting there should be a separate meal for us, just wondering whether tradition beats personal preference to the extent that it is inconceivable to explore other mains that everyone might like, rather than one than less than half of those present would choose, given the choice.

She's cooking, and it's only something you don't particularly like. You don't hate it, and you're not allergic.

I agree about turkey, it's not as nice as other meats you could have. My parents always do either a goose or duck, but we have turkey at my in-laws'. I wouldn't ask them to change it for a meat I preferred though.

I don’t like turkey at all so I bring something else. I’m not bothered enough by ‘tradition’ to eat something I don’t like on Christmas Day

What other meat would you actually like? Is there a way to bring it along with you and put it in that table to share? (Eg if you live close by and can cook it at home and bring it hot? Or precook and serve to cold.)

Turkey is relatively modern it used to be goose, but it's obviously a tradition in the sense that almost everyone has it.

I agree with others that it sounds like the real problem is that it's a very lacking Christmas dinner....we have turkey but also a proper ham, pigs in blankets, nut roast, stuffing, various veg including fancy veg dishes (not just plain veg eg sprouts with chestnuts or bacon), lovely roasties, and plenty of sauces - cranberry, bread sauce and gravy. Not liking turkey should not leave you with a sad dinner!

If I'm honest though I prefer almost every other meal we have around Christmas time anyway. Leftover sandwiches on boxing Day, cheeseboards, home made quiches and the like when family come over on other days around then.

A quick Google suggests that about a quarter of a million geese are consumed at Christmas compared to nine million turkeys, so i think it's fair to suggest it's currently the traditional meat to have at Christmas.

Having said that, I can't remember the last time I had turkey for Christmas dinner. I agree that it's not the best.

Whilst we do have turkey, I'd describe our meal as more of a Porkmas one. I grew up not having any pork products at Christmas and we are making up for it with pork stuffing, pigs in blankets and a proper ham. If you don't get all of those bits too, I don't think you're doing Christmas right.

If I was cooking Christmas dinner, I’m not catering for everyone’s tastes. It’s different if you’re allergic, but not being keen on Turkey wouldn’t cut it for me. I’m quite the traditionalist and we’d always have Turkey, no other options are available.

Could you ask Mil to cook a chicken too. ? X

I actually find this a bit irritating. If you were invited to a Christmas meal by someone from a different culture to your own, you’d wang on about how interesting it is to experience different cultural traditions whilst forcing down a mouthful of raw herring or whatever, and looking forward to filling up on your favourite food when you got home.

But because it’s a “big deal for Brits” served by - shudders in horror - a MIL, it’s OK to diss it.

This is ridiculous.

Thr traditional Christmas main IS a turkey. You can eat whatever you want at any other time of the year. Or even Christmas if you can be bothered to host.

No, your “personal preferences” don’t get to override the traditional Christmas meal AT Christmas that someone else is buying, cooking and enjoying.

Don’t be so bloody ungrateful and entitled, and stop bringing your children up to be rude.

I am not suggesting there should be a separate meal for us, just wondering whether tradition beats personal preference to the extent that it is inconceivable to explore other mains that everyone might like, rather than one than less than half of those present would choose, given the choice.

@SuiGeneris You could say the same for most family Christmas traditions.
Should we have turkey? What time do we eat dinner? Do we have presents before or after dinner? Should we watch the King's speech? Do we go for the obligatory Christmas walk? Should I buy Roses or Quality Street?

Nothing wrong with having a preference for any of these but if you're not hosting then you either go with what's offered or have a conversation around how you'd like to do things differently. Both are fine but you risk your host taking offence even if none was intended.

I’ve just seen on another thread that Charles Dickens did write Turkey, rather than goose, in a Christmas carol so it’s been tradition for a pretty long time!

Ti those who say to bring something else to add: we cannot,, as we are staying there and if I put on the table something the kids like, they won't eat the traditional food and then MIL will be upset, which is the opposite of what I want to achieve.

It seems the consensus is that that having the traditional meal is more important than people eating something they might enjoy, if they don't like turkey, sausages etc. So very useful AiBU as it means it's wiser to avoid the conversation in real life and just have a hearty breakfast on the day itself.

Sorry to say this but if it's dry and mediocre then that's absolutely down to the person cooking it. That includes ex-SIL and her mum who cooked it poorly the day before then dried it outmore warming it up on the day...just why? FFS. Done well, and that's really not difficult, it's moist and flavoursome. Stuff it, baste it, rest it, season it etc. it's not hard and there's plenty of info out there. Best meal of the year for us. Always at my mum's Xmas day as she has it nailed. I do one for boxing day or new year and it's almost as good. We have another at Easter too (always freeze some).

I actually had turkey tonight - first this winter - and it was delicious. Way nicer than last week's chicken, and that was decent too.

It's been traditional here in the UK for decades, certainly all my life, but before that it was goose I believe.

I take it you're not aware of free range, rare breed turkeys?

They are not cheap.

But carry on with your totally irrational hatred of turkey.

I'm sure that cooking turbot for dinner makes you so much better than the rest of us peasants coping with a fowl.

It's not irrational to dislike a specific food 😂

How well do you know your MIL? I know my parents when hosting want everyone to actually enjoy the meal so they’d rather we said we don’t like something and they’ll happily provide an alternative or let us bring an alternative to have alongside the traditional option…all this ‘you can only have what the host makes or host yourself’ is very strange when it’s family, to me/my family there’s no joy in hosting of people don’t enjoy the food you’re making? And part of being a good host is offering something everyone likes so if you know your MIL well I’d say it’s worth the conversation?

It is only my partner and I for Xmas dinner.

I have steak.

Do whatever pleases you.

Its bad manners for a host to knowingly serve food their guests don't eat, at the same time as a guest accepting a meal gracefully is good manners.

Adding a vegetarian alternative to turkey wouldn't subtract from the tradition.

I take it you're not aware of free range, rare breed turkeys?

When I have to cook it, for guests because unlike PPs I actually think cooking food other people like if you're hosting is important, I do get free range. From a fancy farm/butcher combo near me. But most people don't, do they? They get Tescos/Aldi/Sainsbo cheap ones.

And even the posh one is dry. And yes, I brine and baste and rest. It's still crap compared to lamb or goose.

No one likes turkey but it just feels wrong not to have it for Xmas dinner