Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

[Minniliscious]

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

Don't catch your halo on the door-frame on your way out

My friend got rid of one of these people by responding to her 'I'll be round in ten mins' texts with 'Great! Wicked's here,we can have a good catch up'.

😂😂🤣🤣

Good! That'll teach him - rude S.O.B!! I bet he's never been so rude again (hopefully)!! 🌹

This is utter rubbish and you know it. Unless they were grandparents attempting to assert their rights, no court would even list a case where friends/neighbours(?) were asking for access rights. Bonkers.

what's a rider when it's at home?

😂there's always one - and that was it!

I cannot get over that the manipulative gaslighting neighbour did what she wanted to do anyway, after you said no @Minniliscious

And tried to sell it as doing you a favour!

The cheeky fucker!

Unbelievable.

Have you actually read what's been said on here, because it doesn't seem like it.

These people who are so thick that they push themselves in without being invited NEVER, EVER, stay for 10 mins. They come fully intending to talk idle chatter about themselves because they are nosey or bored. They are usually only concerned with themselves - a subject that fascinates them (if not anyone else) and if it's a one-off emergency situation, why would they not say something at the beginning? Why should anyone put up with encroachment on their personal space when the person knows it is inconvenient/unwanted? Honestly, use your brain.

@ManateeFair I'm sure it takes much more thank asking someone if everything is ok to be considered an angel.....

Well- unbelievably she saw my husband on the driveway this morning and said something like “you two are crazy - who books the day off to do housework? Tell Minniliscious I’ll be in touch for a playdate”😮😮😮 I’m fuming!! Really baffled that she’s now annoyed that we booked a day off to do housework because I was too busy to talk?? What on earth is it to do with her?? Also, she wants to still meet up? Bizarre.

Yep there are some very clueless people out there with strange ideas about what dropping in to see someone involves. In my early 20s when I very unassertive I had one pop round for a cuppa at around 10am and she was still there in the late afternoon! I'd ended up giving her lunch!

Several decades later, I'm more assertive and I'd have not let her in at all, let alone let it go on for that long. Can't believe I offered her lunch!

But also who has an entire day when you have nothing else to do but go and sit in someone else's house?!

Yes! At this point, I think she was getting progressively annoyed with me that I wouldn't play ball. I did do most things she wanted but she wanted her way all the time and I was started to dig in my heels a bit. She just stopped replying to my emails and cards, so I just left it.

By the point of the break, she was living nearly 200 miles away, back in her home town.

We were an odd pairing anyway. Absolutely nothing whatsoever in common apart from working at the same job years earlier.

This sounds like a total mismatch of expectations. Does she work? If she does maybe she's one of those people who only book leave to go away? Or who has family help with childcare so has time available when she's not working or looking after kids to do stuff in the house?

I'm the type of person who does book leave to get on top of something in the house, whether decluttering or whatever. Because I know it'll make my life easier in the long run. And otherwise there is no time available. But I've learnt to keep that very quiet as otherwise people assume I want to meet for coffees/lunch etc and the time vanishes!

These people tend to be very thick skinned.

@RidingMyBike She only works Mondays and Tuesdays (5 hours each day) so has way more time on her hands than I do. What a bloody cheek!! So infuriating.

and you think the OP is ruder

and you think all of us disagreeing with you are “over dramatic”

lovely @stayathomer

I think I'd nip this in the bud.

"Dh has relayed your request for a playdate at some point.
I think not. Bye"

idealgift
yeah sorry, typed too fast there

I wonder if her grasp of reality is a bit here and there from what you've said.

idealgift
And I don’t mind people disagreeing with me x just think people are very out for blood over someone calling in.

I wouldn't even have let her in. Good for you. Neighbour is cheeky at best. Her "you're not out-out" attitude can fuck off. You said no.

So what? OP had said she wasn't available at this time. Some people act so utterly entitled to other people's energy and time. It's not okay.

Wow she seems to have massive issues with boundaries. I wonder are others giving her a wise berth and she has become fixated on you.

@purplecorkheart Thats exactly what I think has happened! Lucky me 🤦🏻‍♀️ She’s very in your face and over the top. Can only deal with her in extremely small doses!

Ignore the posters determined to make their insane behaviour your fault. It’s rife on here.