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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect husband to come home with me

161 replies

Pickledprawn · 19/11/2023 08:16

I am pregnant and having morning sickness. We went out with our group of friends last night for dinner. He was drinking and smoking (I didn't complain I am happy for him to enjoy himself). It came to the time we needed to leave for the babysitter but he didn't want to come home with me. Normally I wouldn't mind but I feel like he could at least offer some moral support with me being pregnant. It's not like he has to give anything up at all. For context, he doesn't go out much and I trust him but I know he would have gotten really drunk and been hungover all day today too. Should I have been ok with him staying out?

OP posts:
Santaiswashinghissleigh · 19/11/2023 08:17

You have a dc already and he still smokes and drinks. Why would you think he wouldn't with dc2?

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 19/11/2023 08:18

Your pregnant not dying. Of course he can stay out!

DustyLee123 · 19/11/2023 08:18

Yes, you said that he doesn’t go out often, so a one off is fine.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 19/11/2023 08:18

I would have wanted him to want to come home with me. I don't think yabu.

Janeandme · 19/11/2023 08:19

Why do you need moral support to go home after a night out?

Original poster
Pickledprawn · 19/11/2023 08:20

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 19/11/2023 08:17

You have a dc already and he still smokes and drinks. Why would you think he wouldn't with dc2?

I didn't ask him not to drink and smoke. Re-read the post again and then come back with a useful comment. And actually he did stop smoking he just smoked last night.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 19/11/2023 08:21

Sorry you lost me at him smoking while you were in the room.

No problem, he did what he wanted last night, he can be on duty with your DC this morning. You go and do what you'd like to do.

I don't have an issue with my partner going out/staying out occasionally while I'm pregnant but he still needs to do his fair share at home, and once we have kids he doesn't get to opt out of parenting in the morning before he opted out the night before.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 19/11/2023 08:21

He doesn't go out much, he was obviously enjoying himself... it's fine he stayed out. Unless you were having some sort of medical emergency he doesn't need to stay with you just because you are pregnant.

Torganer · 19/11/2023 08:22

We take it in turns. As we don’t often get to go out as we don’t have readily available childcare, it seems silly for us both to have to go back. So if it’s more my friends then I stay out, if it’s his he does. We also go out individually with our friends so I’m used to getting a cab back on my own.

RedCoffeeCup · 19/11/2023 08:22

As long as it was safe for you to get home on your own, I would have been fine with this.

Londonlassy · 19/11/2023 08:22

If he is having a great time and wants to stay out longer I would not have a problem with this. You have said he doesn’t go out often so having a big night once in a while is reasonable. I know you’re pregnant but unless your unwell I don’t see why he needs to come home with you

SweetFemaleAttitude · 19/11/2023 08:23

Yabvu. Why should he come home with you just because you're pregnant?

It wouldn't bother me one iota. If my DH hardly went out, I'd encourage him to enjoy the evening.

Just because you can't have a drink, no need to cut his night short.

margotrose · 19/11/2023 08:23

I do think it would have been nice for him to come home with you, but equally it's not the end of the world if he wanted to stay out.

The fact that he was smoking around you would really piss me off though.

Original poster
Pickledprawn · 19/11/2023 08:23

Whataretheodds · 19/11/2023 08:21

Sorry you lost me at him smoking while you were in the room.

No problem, he did what he wanted last night, he can be on duty with your DC this morning. You go and do what you'd like to do.

I don't have an issue with my partner going out/staying out occasionally while I'm pregnant but he still needs to do his fair share at home, and once we have kids he doesn't get to opt out of parenting in the morning before he opted out the night before.

He went outside to the smoking area we were out in a bar.

Yes that's a fair point. I think maybe I should have said ok I don't mind as long as you help me tomorrow with DC.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/11/2023 08:25

I think it depends. If you were going home early at 9:30, not unreasonable for him to stay out. 11:30, I think he should have come back.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 19/11/2023 08:25

It’s just not really a very nice thing to do is it?
I’d be a bit hurt and upset too

Original poster
Pickledprawn · 19/11/2023 08:25

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 19/11/2023 08:18

Your pregnant not dying. Of course he can stay out!

Yes that's right I'm not dying. But it's more for moral support and keeping me company if that makes sense rather than being "looked after". Especially as I can't drink I hate having to go home alone it would be nice for him to want to stay with me. He doesn't have to give anything up.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 19/11/2023 08:25

No, not "help me tomorrow with DC" but "parent"

Drives me bonkers when a father looking after his children is "helping" as though it's inherently the mother's responsibility (assuming you're both working M-F and this is weekend for both of you)

user1496146479 · 19/11/2023 08:26

Parents don't 'help' with their children! They parent!!

Birdbaby · 19/11/2023 08:26

Sounds to me like you had a bit of fomo. He wanted to contidnue having a good time, you couldnt partake as pregnant, probably saw all enjoying themselves and a little resentful? I would be ok with it, even if he was hungover today. Id happily let him have the day off and recover on the couch, dh and i often do thid for eCh other when the other has had a little too much.

xyz111 · 19/11/2023 08:27

Moral support?? Goodness 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Pickledprawn · 19/11/2023 08:28

Birdbaby · 19/11/2023 08:26

Sounds to me like you had a bit of fomo. He wanted to contidnue having a good time, you couldnt partake as pregnant, probably saw all enjoying themselves and a little resentful? I would be ok with it, even if he was hungover today. Id happily let him have the day off and recover on the couch, dh and i often do thid for eCh other when the other has had a little too much.

Yes probably I did have FOMO. And I would have felt resentful having morning sickness and probably having him rotting on the sofa with a hangover this morning. He is generally great though he's not a lazy dad.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 19/11/2023 08:28

IAmAnIdiot123 · 19/11/2023 08:18

I would have wanted him to want to come home with me. I don't think yabu.

I would have too, I'm obviously not cool but imo go out as a couple go home as a couple especially if there is other children.

ACynicalDad · 19/11/2023 08:28

I’d think it was really rude to send my wife to free the baby sitter and stay out unless there were really good reasons, like a really old friend visiting from overseas, go home together.
From early on my wife decided if I went out and got pissed and she was left with childcare it was my job in the morning. Guess who doesn’t drink much… in fact I drink much less than her now and probably only had ac handful of drinks in her pregnancy.

WandaWonder · 19/11/2023 08:28

So you were well enough to go out? you are pregnant the world does not stop because of it

I know there were women that want to lock themselves and the father away for 9 months but life carries on

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