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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect husband to come home with me

161 replies

Pickledprawn · 19/11/2023 08:16

I am pregnant and having morning sickness. We went out with our group of friends last night for dinner. He was drinking and smoking (I didn't complain I am happy for him to enjoy himself). It came to the time we needed to leave for the babysitter but he didn't want to come home with me. Normally I wouldn't mind but I feel like he could at least offer some moral support with me being pregnant. It's not like he has to give anything up at all. For context, he doesn't go out much and I trust him but I know he would have gotten really drunk and been hungover all day today too. Should I have been ok with him staying out?

OP posts:
margotrose · 19/11/2023 09:52

The OP is pregnant and not drinking. Makes sense for her to come home

Being pregnant and/or a non drinker shouldn't make her the default parent.

Her husband also has a child at home and a babysitter that needs receiving. He also has a wife who suffers with morning sickness. Why should he get to stay out and absolve himself of any of his responsibilities?

ShenleyWillow · 19/11/2023 09:53

You said it is rare so I would be fine with him staying out. He will have far fewer opportunities when he has to share the responsibility of the baby.

HomeschoolMum88 · 19/11/2023 09:54

My husband would never even think of letting me go home alone. He cares about me and would make sure we’re together and safe. YANBU.

margotrose · 19/11/2023 09:54

ShenleyWillow · 19/11/2023 09:53

You said it is rare so I would be fine with him staying out. He will have far fewer opportunities when he has to share the responsibility of the baby.

But he already has a child at home that he has responsibility for. Why should he get to stay out while the OP goes home to be the default, responsible one?

quietnightmare · 19/11/2023 09:55

The bar is low on this one.
Yes OP he should have come home with you because

  • now he is useless today due to hangover
  • damn right you deserve moral support
  • you didn't lie down and get yourself pregnant it take two
  • he had a drink and a smoke and enough is enough when you are feeling unwell
  • you respected him by going out and he should return that respect with leaving with you

In saying that as it's a 'one off' I would let it slide this one time but not again while you are pregnant

zurala · 19/11/2023 09:55

I think people are focusing on the wrong thing. You both needed to go home because you had to get back for the babysitter, at a time which had been agreed as the end of your night. If he wanted to change that and stay out without you then that needed discussion and agreement. I would be pissed off if DH did that and I'm not pregnant.
YANBU OP.

ShenleyWillow · 19/11/2023 09:56

margotrose · 19/11/2023 09:54

But he already has a child at home that he has responsibility for. Why should he get to stay out while the OP goes home to be the default, responsible one?

Show quote history

Because it's a rare occurence. He wanted to stay out, the OP didn't.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/11/2023 09:57

widowtwankywashroom · 19/11/2023 09:02

Why are people who disagree with you twats?

This is a discussion forum.
People are allowed to disagree with you.
You're being dramatic.
Given up your whole body for pregnancy.
Get a grip.

Show quote history

@widowtwankywashroom

well you do give up your whole body for pregnancy. You can’t eat what you want, do the kind of exercise you want, drink alcohol, wear what you want etc etc. it’s pretty shit really.

margotrose · 19/11/2023 09:59

ShenleyWillow · 19/11/2023 09:56

Because it's a rare occurence. He wanted to stay out, the OP didn't.

Show quote history

She didn't say she wanted to go home early, she says they had to leave to relieve the babysitter.

So, again, why should that just be her responsibility?

Happytimes123456 · 19/11/2023 10:01

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/11/2023 09:57

@widowtwankywashroom

well you do give up your whole body for pregnancy. You can’t eat what you want, do the kind of exercise you want, drink alcohol, wear what you want etc etc. it’s pretty shit really.

Show quote history

I wouldn't describe being pregnant as shit... I loved being pregnant and it was such a privilege to grow a baby!!

PortalooSunset · 19/11/2023 10:04

crumblingschools · 19/11/2023 09:05

Why are so many posters happy for the DH to stay out and OP be the default parent to relieve the babysitter?

Because they are also the one wanting to go home?!

HeyNando · 19/11/2023 10:04

I would have been happy to leave my husband to it, tbh.

Sapphire387 · 19/11/2023 10:06

Argh, another low standards thread.

What kind of shitty man stays out drinking and smoking instead of going home with his pregnant wife who is feeling unwell, and in addition there's another DC at home to be cared for the next day?

I'm just really glad my husband is not like this. When I was pregnant, he didn't smoke, didn't drink out of solidarity, and his first priority would have been me if I was feeling ill, not staying out getting pissed.

YANBU to be upset.

pictoosh · 19/11/2023 10:10

Same. We've got three. I enjoyed being pregnant for the most part and accepted no drinking with a shrug. Dh was welcome to stay on and have a few if he wanted to, which was rare. It wasn't an issue.

widowtwankywashroom · 19/11/2023 10:10

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/11/2023 09:57

@widowtwankywashroom

well you do give up your whole body for pregnancy. You can’t eat what you want, do the kind of exercise you want, drink alcohol, wear what you want etc etc. it’s pretty shit really.

Show quote history

Really???
In reality there's very few foods you cannot eat, the odd drink isn't going to do any harm and yes sky diving may be out , but give up your whole body.
Ridiculous.

widowtwankywashroom · 19/11/2023 10:11

Sapphire387 · 19/11/2023 10:06

Argh, another low standards thread.

What kind of shitty man stays out drinking and smoking instead of going home with his pregnant wife who is feeling unwell, and in addition there's another DC at home to be cared for the next day?

I'm just really glad my husband is not like this. When I was pregnant, he didn't smoke, didn't drink out of solidarity, and his first priority would have been me if I was feeling ill, not staying out getting pissed.

YANBU to be upset.

I actually have very high standards, but one night out really??

Smugandproud · 19/11/2023 10:12

widowtwankywashroom · 19/11/2023 09:21

The OP is pregnant and not drinking
Makes sense for her to come home

Show quote history

If a couple go out and one is not a drinker then by your reckoning that person should be the default parent to return home and relieve the babysitter.
Why?
Why does drinking alcohol mean you’re having a better time than a non drinker and entitled to stay out later?
Weird!

margotrose · 19/11/2023 10:13

widowtwankywashroom · 19/11/2023 10:11

I actually have very high standards, but one night out really??

Show quote history

It's not just "one night out", though, is it?

Because it's now 10am and he's still in bed hungover while OP is awake and dealing with their toddler while also suffering from morning sickness.

If he was up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 7am and ready to take over then I suspect OP would have never have posted.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/11/2023 10:13

widowtwankywashroom · 19/11/2023 10:10

Really???
In reality there's very few foods you cannot eat, the odd drink isn't going to do any harm and yes sky diving may be out , but give up your whole body.
Ridiculous.

Show quote history

@widowtwankywashroom

in the first trimester it’s absolutely not uncommon to be so big you can barely walk let alone exercise so if that’s not giving up your body I don’t know what is!!
and it’s not the odd drink is, it’s nine months of no alcohol!

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/11/2023 10:14

Happytimes123456 · 19/11/2023 10:01

I wouldn't describe being pregnant as shit... I loved being pregnant and it was such a privilege to grow a baby!!

Show quote history

@Happytimes123456

yes and it can also be shit at times

margotrose · 19/11/2023 10:16

Happytimes123456 · 19/11/2023 10:01

I wouldn't describe being pregnant as shit... I loved being pregnant and it was such a privilege to grow a baby!!

Show quote history

Surely you can recognise that lots of people have a different experience, though?

I'm glad you had what sounds like an easy pregnancy but lots of women don't.

Mamato29192 · 19/11/2023 10:16

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 19/11/2023 08:41

If he's smoking you have bigger problems then not going home together.

So what if he smokes

MrsPerfect12 · 19/11/2023 10:19

If it's occasional and he's great with everything else then it's fine. If we're out together and one want to go home we
either chose to stay out or go home together, no drama either way. You're being a bit precious I'm afraid.

Mamato29192 · 19/11/2023 10:19

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/11/2023 10:13

@widowtwankywashroom

in the first trimester it’s absolutely not uncommon to be so big you can barely walk let alone exercise so if that’s not giving up your body I don’t know what is!!
and it’s not the odd drink is, it’s nine months of no alcohol!

Show quote history

I've had 2 drinks in this whole pregnancy and will be having 1 glass of red wine when I'm 39 weeks as a treat. A couple isn't going to do any harm

Ponderingwindow · 19/11/2023 10:23

Pregnant or not, it’s really odd for a spouse to not come home with you when you have been on a night out together. It’s essentially a date night and arriving and leaving together is generally part of a date.

then add in the responsibilities of parenthood and pregnancy and the husband is just being very inconsiderate.