It’s not that I would expect my dh to come home with me in those circumstances, but I really appreciate that he’s the kind of man who does. He wants to be with me and his dc, he wants to holiday with us. He’s very family oriented.
There are occasions where I would push him to stay out, or stay longer to spend time with family or friends. He doesn’t take it for granted and he would absolutely check in with me that I was ok first.
I was just lucky to get a dh like that because it wasn’t something I would have looked for. In my twenties I was the one who was last home, and wouldn’t have been inclined towards someone who left the party early.
On MN people are always encouraged to let their dh go out drinking, on holidays with mates etc, and take an equal amount of time for themselves, preferably when he’s hungover. But that’s not in the interests of the dc. And ime friends who have had that kind of marriage have broken up. Another friend is coping with an alcoholic dh - the other evening she was loading sleeping dc in the car to drive around searching bus stops after he’d missed the last bus home. (Apparently he’s a great dad.) But he was always a bit of a selfish prick. Great craic in the early days but he’s not a family man.
I don’t think you can change what a person fundamentally is, op, but there’s nothing wrong with having high standards and boundaries. In this day and age, you don’t have to put up and shut up. Every relationship has a few downsides but if you aren’t happy overall, or something is a step too far for you, you don’t need the MN group consensus to challenge it.