To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

You also state that DD was not scared by this at all, but does get anxious about raised voices at home 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is rude to interrupt and the teacher is right to tell that child off. If you want to complain about that then you are way too soft. Sorry but you sound like a snowflake.

Nope. I think you are being a bloody prat with a princess.

Ever been a classroom for a whole day? Ever seen a kid try and throw chairs at the staff, punch or kick them?

Only to see this kid, then in full view of mum go up to another child hold him by the throat and threaten him and the mum go 'oh thats not very nice' to the parent of the victim also watching. And not do anything else further to intervene because they don't believe in discipline.

I have zero time for flakes of parents who haven't a clue and just want to shit on teachers all day long.

What, English?

I did not ask if her actual behaviour was unreasonable, nor I did not ask is it unreasonable to expect her not to raise her voice when sometimes we do so at home.Nor did I ask if it was unreasonable for my DD not to be fearful of her teacher shouting at another pupil.

No but all those things come up in relation to whether making a complaint is unreasonable. Which it is - conclusively. You're just scrambling for some kind of high ground but ending up deeper in the hole.

That can still be done without threats though can't it.

Seriously?! Trust me, your DD would have much more to be scared of if she was in a class where the teacher wasn't allowed to be authoritative with the children. Strict teachers make for safe and happy schools.

Yes, you would be unreasonable to make a complaint. I’m surprised that you don’t already know this.

Your reactions to this thread is telling……

As others have said. You're being overly precious about the situation and you should not complain. You're also being hugely hypocritical about how teachers should never shout when you admit that you as a parent often shout!

If I could offer one piece of advice to a parent (I work in a primary school office, so am very often the one to pick up the initial 'want to complain about XYZ' calls with parents yelling at me down the phone) it would be this: always listen to your DC, always have their best interests at heart, but always, always, always bear in mind that what a child tells you about a school experience or incident will only be one side of a story, that they may not being telling you the whole story, and that they may be exaggerating part of a story. And if you ever do feel you need to raise an issue, there is a world of difference between asking if you can just have a word with a teacher to clarify something, and hurtling straight in with an I WANT TO COMPLAIN attitude.

It's telling that the vast majority of posters have said YABU but you have clung on to the one poster who has agreed with you.

Teachers are leaving the profession in droves and parents like you are part of the reason why.

You have to stop invoking this 'threat' BS. She wasn't going to shoot him if he kept interrupting. She might have sent him to the head of year. That's a legitimate thing to threaten. You have a very strange and over-sensitive grasp of language that doesn't take context into account.

You think that a teacher telling off a kid for interupting them is a safeguarding concern?

Jesus fucking wept.

I wish I lived in the Land of Lala. You are just looking for the slightest thing to complain about because they haven't got a real complaint or a grip, just to feel like you are 'doing the right thing' and can virtue signal your pompeous purity parenting.

THEY ARE NOT "Threatening words".

Moreover, your propensity to take your daughter's impression of this teacher as gospel is ridiculous.

If you complain about this to the head teacher the first thing a decent head teacher is likely to do is to talk with the teacher about you and your child (E.g x’s parent has said this. What is X’s behaviour like in class? What is the school’s relationship with the parent like?) This is because any decent headteacher already knows what is happening in their school as they will walk around classes regularly unannounced. They will already know what their teaching staff are like with the children and what goes on in the classes as most schools have an open door policy.

It is reports of incidents like this when parents go straight to the head teacher rather than raise their concerns with the teacher which undermine the parent- teacher relationship especially when the supposed incident doesn’t even directly involve their child. In some classes there are several parents like this complaining over any little thing without the context and without discussing with the teacher first. It is completely wearing and in my opinion unnecessary.

As a parent....teachers are professionals, they should be remaining calm and contained.

Her last two teachers managed it and were amazing....the kids did not run rings around them either.

I'll lay any odds the thread will be deleted by the end of the day.

Yes. It is unreasonable.

I remember that thread too

So you were in the classroom every day for the last two years and consequently, you know the teachers 'remained calm and contained?'

Seriously, you need to lighten up. Or train as a teacher, then you might just get some idea of what the job actually entails.

Oh no, wait - you shout at home, so it's highly unlikely that you'd be a 'calm and contained' teacher.

Her last two teachers managed it and were amazing....the kids did not run rings around them either.

Well that's hyperbole - you don't actually know every moment of their teaching, and you only know this moment because of your DD's acting skills. Teachers are humans as well as professionals. Try to have a bit more insight and nuance.

The voting shows 96% unreasonable. Every comment seems to think you are being unreasonable.

I don’t understand why people ask the question if they don’t want their mind changed.

you sound insufferable.

Try it for a day. I'm sure when you've been spoken to rudely, ignored or talked over all day, your patience may waver when you're interrupted for the hundredth time. Please don't complain, the teacher will be trying her best.

Ffs.

Get a grip.

It's quite remarkable, isn't it? Page after page telling her she IS unreasonable and yet she seems determined to find the teacher guilty.

No you shouldn't. You dont know the context of the situation. The child that got shouted at could have been about to do something dangerous or harmful to another child. You were not there to witness the run up to it so are taking a 6 year olds word it happened as they have described. If your child isn't scared and wasn't the child bring told of leave it alone. Speak to your child about how you don't speak to others like that because as a parent of 3 kids I can absolutely assure you they will see and hear far worse from other kids as they get older. I am genuinely astounded at some of what I overhear or have been told by my oldest other kids have done or said.