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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To complain about teacher's behaviour

665 replies

Ilovechocolate87 · 18/11/2023 14:52

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

OP posts:
echt · 19/11/2023 21:53

Some people just find that triggering

That's what not "triggering" -ridiculous word - means, unless you equate it with not agreeing with what someone has said. Hang on......

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Repurposing · 19/11/2023 22:14

Agree, Cedar, there was a lost chance here to listen, and an opportunity to gently reassure the OP, whose DD is probably her first child at school.

Sherrystrull · 19/11/2023 22:17

Seriously. The sanctimonious back slapping is cringeworthy. The op asked a question and people shared their opinions.

greengreengrass25 · 19/11/2023 22:20

Repurposing · 19/11/2023 22:14

Agree, Cedar, there was a lost chance here to listen, and an opportunity to gently reassure the OP, whose DD is probably her first child at school.

Pass me the sick bucket

UndertheCedartree · 19/11/2023 22:21

ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 21:12

At least I haven't called you unbearably smug....

It is interesting that you feel so desperate to insult me. I wonder why it is you need to be so defensive?

Repurposing · 19/11/2023 22:29

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ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 22:39

UndertheCedartree · 19/11/2023 22:21

It is interesting that you feel so desperate to insult me. I wonder why it is you need to be so defensive?

What's insulting about pointing out that you've taken issue with me when I haven't called you an insulting name, while you don't seem to have issues with the poster who did?

EstEstEst · 19/11/2023 22:41

Repurposing · 19/11/2023 20:57

What a great thread for those studying group dynamics/Psychology. It's really interesting to see how the group moved from bullying the OP, to trying to bully me and now trying to bully Cedar. Ironically, it's actually going to be a valuable teaching tool!

You don't sound smug at all, Cedar, you sound like someone with their own view, that is different from other people's. Some people just find that triggering.

You’re in the wrong place to be looking at studying group dynamics if you’re doing a Psychology degree (or perhaps it’s a college course or High School?) If you were doing a paper on a specific area of a psychology ie The Psychological impact of Cyberbully Victimisation of (insert specified group here) I could perhaps believe you.

You just sound more of an arse with every post you make. There is absolutely nothing on this thread that would support any valid submission of a paper.

AIBU has always been a robust part of MN. People have opinions and will share these opinions. You are attempting to sound more educated than you are and making a total twat of yourself in the process.

UndertheCedartree · 19/11/2023 22:50

ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 22:39

What's insulting about pointing out that you've taken issue with me when I haven't called you an insulting name, while you don't seem to have issues with the poster who did?

Ah, I see what you mean now, apologies. I've not taken issue with you, though, sorry if it seemed I had.

UndertheCedartree · 19/11/2023 22:52

EstEstEst · 19/11/2023 22:41

You’re in the wrong place to be looking at studying group dynamics if you’re doing a Psychology degree (or perhaps it’s a college course or High School?) If you were doing a paper on a specific area of a psychology ie The Psychological impact of Cyberbully Victimisation of (insert specified group here) I could perhaps believe you.

You just sound more of an arse with every post you make. There is absolutely nothing on this thread that would support any valid submission of a paper.

AIBU has always been a robust part of MN. People have opinions and will share these opinions. You are attempting to sound more educated than you are and making a total twat of yourself in the process.

To be fair, I thing they were joking!

TwinkleTwinkleTwinkleTwinkle · 19/11/2023 22:56

Quite a lot of arguing on this thread.
The fact is, there are poor teachers who go unchallenged and there are good teachers who are hauled over the coals for no good reason.

Based on the information given by the op, I as a teacher would regret the time spent and pain suffered with dealing with such a complaint, as it didn't sound threatening, but of course, I wasn't there and couldn't judge it.

I can only speak as a teacher and mother. Yes you get frazzled in both situations. My children, I can put on the naughty step. I can remove a privilege. I can't do that with someone else's child.

I have taught both primary and secondary. In primary I had constant low level behaviour issues, like constant chat when I was leading an activity, children swearing in class, children making inappropriate comments that needed constant reminding to stop, people off task, and all day long. It just means that others can't learn if I'm always having to stop.

I know this wasn't mentioned by the op but when you've got small kids saying rude/odd things you do wonder where they learnt to speak that way. I read a lot of threads on mn where people are saying they don't mind their kids swearing. If it's alright for you if your 6 year old kid describes something as crap or shit, please think of the headache for me when they are passing that onto their peers. It becomes the tip of the iceberg, and as you go up the ages it does tend to lead to worse.

Of course there are going to be families for whom the above doesn't apply, but I do believe a lot is to be said for instilling respect into little ones from the start. I'm not condoning or criticising the specific wording of OPs complaint in this post, though upthread I probably made my position clear.

All theoretical now though as I don't teach anymore, in fact I homeschool.

ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 23:05

UndertheCedartree · 19/11/2023 22:50

Ah, I see what you mean now, apologies. I've not taken issue with you, though, sorry if it seemed I had.

Thank you.

EstEstEst · 19/11/2023 23:21

UndertheCedartree · 19/11/2023 19:40

I'm really not meaning to be!! I'm really not smug in real life! I'm just not sure how else to respond to that poster throwing what would you do in this situation at me!! These situations are complex I can't answer based on such little information. But I also did find certain teachers having 'all the pupils completely disobedient and answering back' just weren't very good teachers. Sorry, that's just my honest opinion.

And fidgets for children with certain issues can work really well. If it helps a child engage why would you dismiss it? That's not good teaching, imo.

Any Ed Psychs I’ve come across have very few meetings with children but never see the full picture. They normally had between one and 3 physical meetings in a classroom setting where they only saw a very small snapshot of that child’s behaviour.

From my experience, someone can’t walk into a classroom and make a judgement on half hour snapshots of a child’s day at school, nor do they have the right to condemn every teacher within that short snapshot.

Every child is an individual, they have different needs whether that be a fidget toy etc. That would work in a perfect world but we don’t live in a world like that. Have you ever taught 25/30 children whose parents buy these toys because they’ve become gimmicks? They have become gimmicks and suddenly every child needs a fidget toy! It’s so frustrating. Do you realise that parents were buying these toys so we often had 25/30 children all “needing” fidget toys?

I left teaching, I’m glad I left, the parents demands that I was there 24.7 to answer their messages that they sent at 11pm, the children who spat in my face, the ones who I had to evacuate 24 other children daily due to them throwing furniture, ripping books up and destroying a classroom. Oh, and the one who was 5 years old who broke me. My face still has the scars where he bit me and never let go. I don’t blame that child, I blame the Ed Psychs who fuck about trying this that and the other who SHOULD see that a child isn’t coping in school. That’s ok though as we had an Ed Psych involved who saw 30 minutes of my classroom 3 times…

Ed Psychs really need to up their game, diagnose children whose parents who REALLY need help. These parents are on their knees dealing with children who mask at school and let loose at home, get yourself into their homes, their lives and see what they go though for goodness sake. Don’t just sit there and try to diagnose a child and assume a fidget toy will make things better.

WinterWaffle · 20/11/2023 00:04

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There’s that word again. Can you show me where I have been a bully?

Catxxxxxxxxxx · 02/12/2023 01:07

Its about the language she used? "Dont you dare interrupt me". Get a grip. Seriously. Im glad I dont teach your child you sound like an absolute nightmare parent

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