To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

Honestly op, you have two children to support through many years of schooling. I would save your energy and involvement for genuine issues that affect your own children that will no doubt pop up. If you start complaining about things not concerning your own child, you will be in for a very busy and upsetting 14 years!

For fucks sake op, catch a grip!! "Don't you dare" is not threatening!!! I've said it as a teacher when a child had pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed., i say it to me own kids!!

And given you've posted about getting support for your own anger issues when dealing with dd perhaps there is deflection going on..,

Oh really? Well I doubt op wants that digging up..... kind of looks bad..

Jesus christ. Surely this is a joke post.

Well I quite often have a word with myself if I do! And certainly apologise after.

But I'm not claiming to be a 'perfect parent' who never shouts (which it seems you expect?!)

And please don't use her potential (not even diagnosed yet) SEN as an excuse, she knows who said it and she knows how it was said.

Quite concerning that you think so....

What on earth is wrong with "dont you dare interupt me......"?

You perhaps have your own interpretation of it that most people, and children, wouldnt. It is simply a warning saying there are consequences for misbehavior in class that kids need to learn.

You're being absolutely ridiculous. Next question?

More teachers should be able to tell a naughty kid off without having the worry that some parent is going to complain. Shouting don’t you dare touch that is not a form of abuse

There is an old saying often quoted by teachers to parents, "We will not believe everything your children say about what you do at home, if you exercise the same restraint about what you hear about school."

You really have to go very your head a tilt, this is neither the hill or battle on which to die.

OP what do you actually want from this post? There are lots of other online places where people will uncritically say "U tell them huni x" and help you whip yourself into a frenzy about teachers. Posting on AIBU implies you want a reality check and are open to the possibility that you're BU. So why are you knee-jerk dismissing the (unusually unanimous) responses?

Actually thinking about this...

I would never say that to the men I work with either (( cat B men's prison)....I'm not scared of them and do spend a lot of time telling them off, BUT....can't envisage me using that phrase 'don't you dare....'

You're kidding right? A teacher told a child not to interrupt, and you think this is not only inappropriate but threatening behaviour. Go to the headteacher, it will give them something to have a giggle about in the staff room.

Similar thing happened with my daughter when she was 3-ish. She shouted DON’T YOU DARE at someone in a really aggressive way. Not something we would say at home and I did find it shocking. She couldn’t tell me where it came from but presumably nursery. I’m not sure why I find that phrase shocking but I do. I don’t think you should complain to school though unless you have more evidence the teacher is being routinely aggressive.

Wow, so much teacher-bashing on mumsnet today.

Don't mock me.Drag up whatever you like.....this isn't about me, it is about someone who is supposed to be in a professional position of trust using threatening words.

On no point here have I claimed I don't shout sometimes at her or get angry with her.Her behaviour is challenging and I am easily angered sometimes.Fully admit that!

But I would expect a teacher to have more patience and emotional regulation than a frazzled parent rushing around at the end of their tether.

If they don't maybe they should be in a different career.

Honestly this thread is why your children will
be in schools with rapidly dwindling qualified teachers, with classes not covered and subject choices cut.

Parents who just can’t see the potential damage of stupid complaints like this to the well being, motivation and mental health of school staff!

Absolutely bonkers!

Well of course not, adult men's brains are fully developed and their behaviour has different root causes to children's. We shouldn't treat adults like children or children like adults.

Totally different situation to being in a classroom with 30 children. 30 children who you have to get through endless amounts of curriculum. Daft comparison.

Not often no, not nowadays anyway as we worked on that and have come along way.More raising our voices if she isn't listening etc.

And this post isn't about her, or me, or even whether the teacher was right or wrong (she was clearly wrong) the purpose of the post is whether it is worth complaining about, which I have firmly established you all don't think it is.

Yes exactly....of course not...because children don't deserve being spoken to respectfully like even an adult male prisoner would do they......

Try teaching a class of 30 kids then see if you never raise your voice.

Some year 1 kids can be noisy, unruly, rude and defiant. If teachers only applied the softly softly approach, no learning would take place.

Yes, some teachers can be overly shouty and bullish and parents should look out for that BUT one known incident of a sharp reprimand is in no way something to complain about.

Hopefully that little boy will know not to interrupt a teacher again.

So you have two children at home but need to shout at them sometimes, or shout at your partner, not clear which.

I wonder how many children are in the teachers class? Ok shouting is not often a very effective classroom management tool, but I can understand the temptation to speak firmly to shout at a child who constantly interrupts, and who has probably been politely asked not to interrupt many many many times .

It's a phrase I pull out in a telling off now and again, maybe three times a year. It's not because I've lost control, it's because I need to be in control of 30 kids to keep them safe and allow them to learn. Quite frankly 'put your shoes on or we'll be late' does not make a blind bit of difference to many children; the classroom would be chaos (which is far more upsetting to children) if that was all I employed. I could see myself saying 'don't you dare interrupt me' if I was telling off a child for something serious and they weren't listening.

You can believe what you want about whether I should be in teaching, but I know I get great results every year, that parents and children like me a lot and that I have a strong academic background myself. If I shouldn't be teaching, who should? Because I can tell you now, there aren't people lining up to replace me. I teach in a beautiful village school and we've had unfilled vacancies all term.