To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

I'm not talking about anyone reporting safeguarding concerns....I'm saying the headteacher might need to have word with her about the language she uses.

I can almost guarantee that any word the Head had with her would start of 'I've had this loopy parent on the phone because you exposed their dear to a bit if discipline and she doesn't realise that 'gentle' parenting is very nearly 'neglect', anagramatically speaking!'

Do you never raise your voice at your kid? Are you really that bloody perfect

The irony is off the scale!!

And I can bet YOUR arse that the kid she shouted at WAS scared.

Dd is not scared of the teacher shouting at OTHER children.She has not (apparently) shouted at DD herself, so you are all being massively unfair in your judgements of her reaction compared to home.

Teachers get frazzled too. Teachers are looking after 30 children. Teachers have their own children at home too.

And I can bet YOUR arse that the kid she shouted at WAS scared.

Unlikely. I suspect by lunchtime they'll have forgotten all about it.

Omg.....any more blame going to be thrown in my direction, I DID stop it!! Fgs....just after she had said the comment, so please stop being presumptious (as others have) that I'm a shit parent!!

Do you think kids should never be scared? Never get to deal with that feeling? So that when something actually scary happens, they have no coping skills in place? And now you're going to tell me I must be abusive for thinking this. Mind you, your own language on here is pretty choice - a lot worse than 'don't you dare', so I don't think you remotely practice what you preach.

And I can bet YOUR arse that the kid she shouted at WAS scared.

Nonsense, but I’ll tell you what they would be - less likely to interrupt again!!

with her would start of 'I've had this loopy parent on the phone because you exposed their dear to a bit of discipline

start off, not start of!

OP, there seems to be a real disconnect between your anger at being judged for not being 'perfect' and your expectation of the teacher to be 'perfect'. Every accusation you have levelled at others here for judging you unfairly can equally be rightly levelled at you for your judgement of the teacher.

You are being massively unreasonable and unfair.

But I would expect a teacher to have more patience and emotional regulation than a frazzled parent rushing around at the end of their tether.

With one or two children to deal with? Compared to a class of 30? I'm not a fan of teachers shouting so I don't do it. I'm also not a fan of parents shouting so I don't do it.

How is it ok for you to be frazzled and about, but not for a teacher to do it?

You know what, I absolutely think you should go and speak to the head. Make sure you tell them that your child wasn't scared, not like she is at home when you shout.

I'm.a teacher. I rarely shout, but it might happen on occasion. We are human. Please don't help.nurture princess and prince syndrome where children think no one is allowed to raise their voice to them.

OMG I've just read the OP again and realised it wasn't even your kid she said it too.
Just go and try doing the job for an hour or so.
You can get your life this wasn't the first time the teacher was interrupted

I agree with the previous OP. As I've said, we are human.

Novel concept alert:

Try parenting and telling her when you behaviour is inappropriate and who is a responsible adult, rather than complaining about an adult doing their job who believes that discipline in the classroom is occasionally necessary.

HTH

Seriously, have a word with yourself, YOU SCARE your daughter when you shout and want to have a word with a teacher about something that your 6 yr old told you and clearly didnt worry her !

This is dangerous.....i would want my DD to feel she could tell anything to her teacher about anything that upset her at home and vice versa.
If she ever did say anything they found concerning, even as a mistake, and they made a safeguarding referral and even if we had a visit from a social worker to check, I would genuinely be pleased that they had responded seriously and given her the benefit of the doubt, rather than not beleived her!

Maybe the teacher isn’t a perfect teacher.

she’s at no point claimed she doesn’t shout at her pupils or sometimes get angry. Her pupils behaviour is challenging sometimes and she is easily angered sometimes.

she fully understands expects the mother of the child to have more patience and an emotional regulation to the child she birthed….

sounds about right surely? It’s a bit hypocritical if I’m honest that you can’t control your anger AT your own child. The teacher wasn’t even speaking to your child at the time

take her out and educate her yourself or private school

@TwinkleTwinkleTwinkleTwinkle

i can't possibly think why you quit???

I wanted to be a teacher, but by Christ I'm glad I decided on a different path. I love kids, their parents - not so much!!

@Ilovechocolate87

if a man was shouting at his partner, his equal yeah, it's pretty abusive. He's not in authority over her.

A parent or teacher absolutely IS in authority over a child. It's their responsibility to teach small people how to behave. Shouting isn't the best way, but there's nothing wrong with 'Don't you dare' when they've been told not to do xyz & the consequences of doing it.

It would be massively unreasonable to report this teacher

I've read your other threads. You have enough going on at home, without adding to it.

stop saying teachers should do another job, just because you disagree with something they've done/said.

we are VERY short of warm bodies to stand in classrooms, let alone good teachers.

If you want teachers to take the piss out of you in the staffroom, complain away.
But if you genuinely do want to take this further, show the teacher the courtesy of actually speaking to them first. I never cease to be amazed about how many people email the headteacher without asking for an explanation. (Obviously some cases this is not appropriate eg in cases of serious allegations etc). I had a parent email the HT a few weeks ago about me 'punishing her child for missing her homework by making her sit outside the HT's office' and why hadn't I contacted them.' If they had asked me, I would have said it was because the child hadn't done the work in the class as they were talking and distracting others, and it was classwork not homework. I would have said that it was not a punishment but the child is falling behind, and this work (on multiples) is really important for KS2 maths. I would also have explained that the reason they were outside the HT's office was that this was because it was break, and as the classroom would be empty at this time I didn't want to leave the child alone upstairs. I would then have told the parent I then spent some of my break explaining the work to the child again. I would also have said that I am happy to communicate but not every single time I had to speak to their child in class.
A long winded example I know, but if the parent had only asked.....
Luckily the HT has faith in me, and just forwarded me the email without a comment and hasn't asked me about it or even mentioned it.

It's evidently yet another case of someone starting a thread and only being prepared to listen to posters agreeing with her.

When I was a teacher, and pregnant, I had a sudden wave of nausea. I had to run out of the room blurting a quick - and garbled- , "sorry kids back in a min" to go and be sick.

The parent of the most disruptive kid in the class (adjective not strictly relevant, sorry) sent a three paragraph email to the head, which I have tried to block out, but I do remember it containing phrases like "what sort of flakey teachers are you employing?!"

I received a copy of the email one evening at 11pm. I didn't sleep that night, was in floods of tears, was a wreck the next day, and resigned. Only because the head talked me down did I stay. But I didn't go back at the end of mat leave. That was because of a parent. Overreaction maybe, but I think it was the fact that I could make very little complaint about the behaviour of that kid, yet I was under such scrutiny.

Pretty outing, but it needs to be said.

Because people are going way off topic.

I asked if it was unreasonable to make a complaint, which is all I needed an answer to.

I did not ask if her actual behaviour was unreasonable, nor I did not ask is it unreasonable to expect her not to raise her voice when sometimes we do so at home.Nor did I ask if it was unreasonable for my DD not to be fearful of her teacher shouting at another pupil.

Let me get this straight - a teacher shouted at a kid not to interrupt, and you’re upset? You can go talk to the headteacher if you like, but bear in mind you will forever by ‘that parent’ who came in to complain about nothing. And you’ll give the staff room a right laugh. Best of luck with that.

On no point here have I claimed I don't shout sometimes at her or get angry with her.Her behaviour is challenging and I am easily angered sometimes.Fully admit that!

I rarely shout in school but on occasion if a student is continually interrupting then I do raise my voice.

I never shout at home & have 2 teens. Things are pretty chilled.

You should be more concerned about the shouting and the fact that you're easily angered at home.

Try teaching Year 1 all week & then come back & say you haven't needed to raise your voice at least once! Some kids (probably the ones who have shouty parents tbh) need a more firm, robust approach. Asking them nicely to stop interrupting probably won't work!