To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

There is evidence of posters saying they have left the teaching profession because they could not cope with parents' comments, yes. There is no evidence they were or are capable teachers though.

Teaching is just one of many professions that are accountable to families for their work. Good organisations welcome questions and reflect on feedback and are dynamic, they seek to reassure families and don't blame the children and families for failings in their profession. Imagine if the NHS and Social Services did that ! Attacking parents who just want some support and reassurance and using their past struggles against them is bullying, and it reflects badly on the posters, not the OP. Everyone knows this is true.

The thing is there wouldn’t have been so many ‘negative’ replies had OP agreed that she was in the wrong in the first few pages.

”Am I wrong to complain about what a teacher may have said to a child that isn’t my child and I wasn’t there?”
”yes you are wrong, teachers have enough on their plates and you don’t know what happened anyway as you weren’t there”

The end.

But OP would not admit she is wrong even thought 95% disagreed with her. She dug her heels in further and further and then all her past posts cropped up about the poor cat and her child being frightened in her own house etc etc. and her not being such a perfect parent.

Now she’s flounced because she didn’t like the truth. Oh well, never mind.

Funnily enough, the other day I sternly said "Don't you dare even think about doing that" to my 5 year old, who I could see was stealthily getting ready to push one of our cats off the sofa so that he could lie down. He then got a 5 minute lecture on how precious the cats are, we never hurt them and they are to be left in peace!

If you're wanting to have a word with someone...try a therapist.

Are you actually intimating that teachers on this thread who have left the profession or that are thinking of leaving are not capable? Seriously? You’re even more deluded than @Ilovechocolate87

For God's sake !!! And then they wonder whyt today's kids think they can do as they like!!!

It’s a shame there can’t be a two-tier system in schools - parents choose if they want a teacher who will tell their children off when needed and won’t stand for any nonsense or one who will do the ‘gentle’ teaching. It would also be interesting to see the kids’ outcomes at the end of it all.

because they could not cope with parents' comments

Nice bit of victim blaming there. And your disbelief in their capability and effectively accusing those teachers of lying is hugely insulting.

I agree @WinterWaffle its crazy that she just wasn’t willing to listen. She described the teacher as ‘guilty’ of threatening a child (from a commentary from her 6 year old). She was told she was wrong. I’ve seen many MANY of these threads and the simple fact of AIBU is about the possibility your thinking maybe challenged. I’ve seen many accept the outcome of the poll and move on. But she continued to argue and become very verbally angry when it wasn’t going her way which led to more people trying to get her to see sense. 95% have sent a clear message. I’d argue as nearly one and a half thousand people voted the vast majority of those are parents and not teachers, who are aware of what might happen if this complaint culture is allowed to go out of check and aware there is no complaint to be made here.

You're being way too over-sensitive.

Imagine you had 30 kids that age to control. Someone needs to be the authority figure, and sometimes, with that many people (with all sorts of baggage and differences to consider), sometimes a bit more force is required. Imagine if all 30 of those people rebelled at once? It would be carnage. The person at the front needs to be fairly authoritarian to prevent that happening. And if that means being a bit loud and scary occasionally, then so be it.

Your DD said herself, she wasn't scared.

I'd be sitting with the knowledge that she finds the shouting in her own home more scary.

The point of the story is not that @TwinkleTwinkleTwinkleTwinkle did anything wrong, because she didn’t. The point that you seem to have missed is that a child went home, reported the story in their own words and the immediate parental knee jerk response was to send a three paragraph email to the head teacher which was so unpleasant that Twinkle had to be talked down from resigning. And in the end chose not to continue at that school.

School isn’t Fightclub (what happens in fightclub stays in fightclub) , and it shouldn’t be, but it is a place where perceptions and reports to parents by children of what happens in a classroom is often tempered by the age of the reporters, their limited vocabulary, their specific viewpoint, their misreading of a situation, their unwillingness to accept responsibility for their behaviour, or to recognise that their behaviour has sequentially contributed to an event. You might not like that, but it is true,

Not all teachers are wonderful and professional, though the vast majority are, and by the same token not all children are angels, though the vast majority have the capability of being delightful. All need to be held accountable for their actions, but as in any situation both sides need a voice to be heard.

It's almost as if some parents instantly forget what school and school children are like as soon as they have a child, even though they went to school themselves and knew perfectly well at the time that a) children quite often misbehave, lie and exaggerate b) it is not always possible to get them to behave themselves by saying sweetly 'Now everybody, let's all use our indoor voices and be kind, shall we?'

They also seem to be bizarrely unaware that their child will benefit from being in a class where the teacher has good classroom control. But they are often the first to complain when the behaviour of other children is not controlled. And yet also when the behaviour of their child is controlled.

What a horrific and offensive post. You clearly have a chip on your shoulder about teachers.

Yes it's really unhelpful and unnecessary

Cloud cuckoo land

There is evidence of posters saying they have left the teaching profession because they could not cope with parents' comments, yes. There is no evidence they were or are capable teachers though.

Just to be crystal clear, are you suggesting that teachers like myself are leaving simply because we can't cope with a couple of comments? I've been called a 'fucking disgrace' in front of my class and parents for letting a child out with their coat unzipped at the end of the day (child was 7 and had been told to zip their coat up), I've had to sit in a meeting and justify why I had reprimanded a child for snapping all the pencils on their table. Parents have free reign to say whatever they like, sometimes loudly, in the playground but teachers are not able to say anything.

I'm not going to dignify the second part of your unpleasant comment with a response, but thanks for showing others an example of the casual disrespect we have to deal with.

She evidently does.

She effectively accused you of lying. That's disgusting.

She effectively accused a lot of teachers on here of either lying, being bullies OR being incompetent.

I’ve been backed into a corner and shouted at and called a bully by a mother and grandmother for going through with the disciplinary procedure of the school after their precious boy punched another child in the face. That boy is currently on his seventh school, I know that because mum now thinks I was the best teacher who taught him and likes to update me about all the other ‘bullying’ teachers he encounters. You can’t make this stuff up. The only ones suffering with all this are the children we’re trying to safeguard and teach.

Really heartened by the number of supportive parents on here and the outcome of the poll which clearly aren’t all teachers!

I don't mind 'being accountable' or answering questions but I really DO mind :

Telling a parent that their child swore at me and having the parent ruffle their child's hair indulgently while smirking.

Dealing with six increasingly irate emails because a child missed the first TWO MINUTES of their playtime to finish off work they didn't complete because they were arsing around all lesson.

Defending myself to my (lovely) head during my own ten minutes of breaktime, because a dickhead parent had complained about something their child told them I said - which was an absolute lie, and a really really obvious one too.

Being spoken to angrily at the classroom door, with pupils present, because the parent disagrees with a whole school policy that is beyond my control.

Being told that a parent wants a 7pm meeting that same day. No earlier due to their work commitments. In person not on the phone. When I said I had a commitment at home that day I was told 'you also have a commitment to me and my child.' This was a list coat by the way, not life or death.

Why, hello, Secretary of State for Education, I thought I recognised you.

I make myself feel better by knowing that all of these ridiculous parents are creating monsters, and that one day, when they're dealing with the repercussions of that, they'll realise that they made mistakes. I only have to get through 39 weeks with them. The wonderful parents, of which there are many, keep us sane. I love my job so when I say all of this it's for genuinely educational purposes. I always hope one parent reads, recognises themselves and gives themselves a sense check.

Do you always talk such rubbish? The fact you seem to have no understanding of what bullying actually means suggests that perhaps you ought to go back to school.

Im not even going to waste my energy typing a response to the rest.

My only concern is those created monsters then move on to become louder, more belligerent, more disruptive and in some cases dangerous to other children. The damage on the quieter well behaved children in the class is becoming more and more evident. They also at some point turn on their parent as they’re larger and more difficult to deal with by then.

It really is a nightmare!

OP Do NOT allow others to bully you off this site. This is a reflection on them not you. .

I completely agree with you it is threatening. I can't stand it when people think they can treat DC like this just because they are DC. They'd never speak to an adult like that.

I’d never speak to an adult like “did you remember your packed lunch?” Or “make sure you wrap up warm in this weather” etc etc. Adults and children are different therefore we speak to them differently, surprisingly enough. Children are learning and they need discipline or they will grow up into entitled obnoxious adults.