Messaging birthday party no shows

[Havanawinter]

I’ve been stewing on this since last weekend and can’t decide if I’m BU. My son turned 6 last week and had a soft play party. We invited 20 kids, 18 RSVPd yes, all seemed well. Come the day of the party and 5 of the kids don’t show up. No messages in advance and nothing since. I want to say something to the parents of the no shows along the lines of “sorry X couldn’t make it in the end, please let me know in the future as we could have offered their spot to another child” but DH says that’s crass and I should just leave it. It’s £70-odd down the drain too and I think it’s just rude not to send a message saying “oh sorry X Is ill and can’t come to the party”

AIBU?

People don't tend to forget things that they consider important

that sounds very expensive, you could just send the email and schedule a follow up in gmail for closer to the time

This sort of thing goes with the territory unfortunately. Saying something won't change that and could just cause drama with people gossiping about the messages you send. Resolving never to invite those DC again is unlikely to work for your DS if these children are his friends. I think for the future you need to accept that people can be rude and flakey and that the only way to guarantee you won't be out of pocket is to have parties where you pay an amount regardless of numbers (hiring a venue) or restricted to a handful of DC who's parents you know well.

Unfortunately no shows at parties are pretty standard. It's very rude and infuriating when it's a pre paid per head party. Please don't message the parents though. However I would not be inviting any of these kids to a paid per head party again. It's unfortunate but those kids will invetibly miss out because of there parents actions. It won't just be you they do it to so word will soon get about the parents don't bother to take the kids to he party after agreeing and the invites for the kids will stop.

Personally if it's a pay per head party I only ever invite kids that I know have reliable parents and limit numbers massively. If it's a hall and bouncy castle etc I tend to invite lots more kids so any no shows don't cost per head.

Actually in my experience v unusual not to get a whatsapp reminder a couple of days before

Modern life is hectic op people forget...totally nornal and helpful to send a reminder

And yet nearly everything you can think of, doctor, hairdresser, delivery service, taxi, online shop will send a reminder text about an upcoming appointment.

The thing is, if you don't say anything, it sends a message that it's OK to be flaky. I would just say, sorry x didn't show at the party lady week. Did we offend? / hope all is OK

That’s no excuse - they’re adults - you remember!

Those parents are twats but don't message them. Don't invite those kids again though

What?! They wouldn’t have been paying anyway even if they’d come, why would they pay when they didn’t come!?

Your mistake was inviting 20 kids. Next time be ruthless with the initial invitations but have a b list ready to offer places if the first invitations are turned down. Won’t stop no shows, but at least you won’t be paying out so much upfront.

And remember , your child will have enjoyed their party even without the missing invitees.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable but as you say it’s not worth saying anything. I think this is when WhatsApp groups are great, I know you shouldn’t have to remind people, but it can be super helpful. Plus gives parents the chance to car pool ect.

It's cheeky but don't say anything. Just don't invite them to any more parties.

Perhaps the parents of the children who didnt show should be worrying about this, and not the person who hasnt been rude or let anyone down.

@Havanawinter did you ask the venue if they would refund for those 5 while you were there? If you do another pay per child in the future, just pay for all who have actually arrived and if more turn up, go pay for them as they arrive.

They are unreasonable obviously, but you should have sent a reminder message. I always send a message about 5 days before that says something like
We're looking forward to seeing you at DS's party on Saturday. Just as a reminder, it's 2-4 and the address is xxx. You're welcome to drop and run if you prefer.

Return the favour and RSVP yes to their parties when you know you can’t make it

People can be thoughtless and rude

I wouldn't message, just keep a relatively frosty distance from them in the future

I would have messaged during the event. ' shall we wait for Peter before we cut the cake or did something crop up' ?

Why should she have sent a reminder?

You receive an invitation - you accept or decline. You decide which parent will take and collect or stay if necessary. If you accept you buy the card and present and add the details to your calendar/diary. If adults can’t do that I’d worry about their abilities to hold down a job, run their lives etc. what else aren’t they remembering.

When DD was in reception/year one most of the parents were there at either drop off and/or pick up, and it was easy to have a quick chat to the non responders. Fortunately DD's classmates' parents always did respond and I don't recall any no shows at any of DD's parties or any other parties she went to.

It is a village school and most parents knew each other anyway, sp communication wasn't an issue.

Just don't invite the children of the parents concerned to anything in future, and try to think of a tactful way to explain to your children why.

Agree 10O%.

I also don’t understand the ‘forgetting’ thing. Surely all appointments are not just stored mentally?

I always send well-timed and specific reminder messages - including for parties for adults! - and as I result I have never had no shows (over a period of some 20 years entertaining as an adult and 14 years as a parent). Last minute cancellations yes - but never a no show.

having not sent a reminder, the only other window you had to prompt/embarrass the no shows was half an hour after the start time with something like : “is everything ok, just checking Sophie is still coming?”

I decided when DD was small that I was not going to stress about party no shows or reciprocal invites. For me it was a fabulous decision which allowed me to fully enjoy dd's celebrations and direct my energy to things that mattered to me xx