Messaging birthday party no shows

[Havanawinter]

I’ve been stewing on this since last weekend and can’t decide if I’m BU. My son turned 6 last week and had a soft play party. We invited 20 kids, 18 RSVPd yes, all seemed well. Come the day of the party and 5 of the kids don’t show up. No messages in advance and nothing since. I want to say something to the parents of the no shows along the lines of “sorry X couldn’t make it in the end, please let me know in the future as we could have offered their spot to another child” but DH says that’s crass and I should just leave it. It’s £70-odd down the drain too and I think it’s just rude not to send a message saying “oh sorry X Is ill and can’t come to the party”

AIBU?

An 'invitation' is not a contract but an 'accepted invitation' certainly is. If they accept the invitation then they owe attendance.

Let's see that one stand up under Contract Law.

I don't care. They are rude enough to not even bother messaging in the first place why shouldn't OP be rude back.

Yeah well that's the parent's fault isn't it. OP can't keep inviting them and being out of pocket. If they want their kids to have a shit social life that's on them.

Yes mine are adults and we had this then too. Some people are rude and there’s not a lot you can do.

Surely this is a wind up @wokbun 🤣

Never did this for a DCs party and never had a no show with no explanation.

Sounds like some of the parents are just plain rude. If it was a party costing money, people should definitely notify if their DC is not coming.

Having said that, you can't ask for money back. I would be tempted with a passive aggressive message of "I hope Julien is ok, we missed him at Matthews's Messy Monkey party. Cheers OP." May at least prompt the rude people to send a present.

Did you let the venue know there were 5 no shows OP? When I've done such parties in the past they have only charged for the number of kids that actually show up.

How old are the DC?

It’s hardly the DC’s fault if his or her parents didn’t bring them to the party!

I can understand your frustration but don’t take it out on the DC!

No. I'm fed up of hearing this sort of thing. It happens with weddings too. People shell out money and people can't even be arsed to say sorry we can't come. I think if someone can't even be bothered to acknowledge that they have cost someone else money then I don't see why we can't change the societal view and start being blunt back- you cost me £50 and couldn't even be respectful enough to let me know you couldn't come.

An 'invitation' is not a contract but an 'accepted invitation' certainly is. If they accept the invitation then they owe attendance.

It is not and they do not.

You give a party. Give freely, with good grace. Never give what you cannot afford.

Again, these people are rude and thoughtless, the situation is annoying, perhaps upsetting. But that is a consequence of giving something to people you don't know well, who may not value your gift the way you'd hoped they would. All you can do is learn from it and avoid inviting those people again.

It's best to send a reminder message and then you can invite siblings/reallocate the place if people can't come at the last minute. I agree that it's rude and annoying but life is busy and people do drop the ball sometimes.

This is why I like the class whatsapp (and don't understand the antipathy to these groups). Party parent sends a reminder message, a couple of parents think "Oh shit" and message them privately, and 10 minutes later another message comes round - "we have three spare places up for grabs at Susan's party if anyone who hasn't RSVP'd would like to come or if any siblings would like to attend".

Always get phone numbers.

Make a note of which parents are flakey and do not invite next time.

Next time you could message an hour before and say 'I'm all ready for X's party at soft play, it will be lovely to see you at Xpm'

Then it's a reminder nudge.

I feel your pain op, we had the same last month.

However it was balanced by the eight who brought an extra child, without asking.

Just don’t invite them in future. Some people are plain ignorant.

Why should the OP need to send a reminder message? I’m old enough to remember a time when you didn’t get a message to remind you of everything 24 hours beforehand - the Dr, the dentist, the hairdresser, everything. It’s infantilising!

It's shit and rude of them. I've experienced this lots of times and noticed it's always the parents who never host parties who do this (and the other thing i hate - turning up with uninvited siblings).

They're nothing you can do now. For the future - I've taken to creating a WhatsApp group for invitees because then it's easier to send a breezy group reminder the day before which can jog memories. This only works if you have mobile numbers snd they are in WhatsApp but usually parents reply by mobile/WhatsApp!

No, it really doesn't. It makes no conceivable difference whatsoever: the 'walking' has already been done.

People are just rude. There are always no-shows. IMO, this falls into the category of battles that are a waste of good energy and not worth fighting. And the way to determine which way this falls is to ask yourself exactly what you hope to gain by any confrontation.

Some discernible/desirable end result? If not - and I'm personally failing to see how even an apology would make one iota of difference to this particular situation - I'd file it under 'things to forget as soon as possible'.

Do nothing, except keep a note of who didn't turn up or apologise, and don't invite them next time.

We had a party last week for my 8 year old and one kid turned up Witt 40 minutes left of the session. l was so annoyed and then the mum was annoyed that she would have to be back in 40 mins when l explained our time slot was only till 1230, she asked what will happen for the rest of the time l said as long as you are back by 1230 you could stay with her to get the full two hours, she said she had too much to do todo that.

Just leave it, there'll be many more years of it to come.

A trampoline park a few years ago gave us 5 vouchers for free entry as about half didn't show. That was good. Think it was daughter's 10th or 11th so she wasn't too bothered as her closest mates were there.
More food everybody!

It's not polite but always happens. I usually have a few 'friends and family' kids around, invited but not necessarily part of the actual party.
A bit older or younger kids - that way I had a bit of flex. If the other kids didn't show up, I would count them in. If everyone showed up I paid extra for them and gave them something else to eat. (Of course assuming there's a cafe and gift shop at the place).

Don't. Just chalk it up to experience.

Imho, always send a reminder ! Or put it into an electronic calendar invite to BOTH parents
no you should not have to
but in reality a lot of people are forgetful, disorganised or simply assume the other parent has put into diaries.
I even do this with family gatherings- otherwise someone will always forget cos they loose track. They don’t forget the event, it’s more they think is is the next weekend or whatever

its why a lot of restaurants that do e booking will send you reminders the 2 days before. Why hairdressers do it. Doctors etc.

next time, accept if you want them to show up on right day, or let you know, send a reminder the day or 2 before.

But if that is the case, at least send a message just apologising that you can’t make it? No need to give a reason, but at least the OP knows in advance.

Yep, it is infantalising
but they do it because not doing it was wasting too much money and time on missed appointments
they don’t do it to treat you like a child, or anyone for that matter - just to ensure stuff happens

I’d go a passive aggressive “hi, We missed James today at Sam’s party. I hope everything is okay? See you soon, op”