How the hell do you look after a child of this age?! I feel like a shit parent

[Parentingonee]

DD is 13 months. She’s in nursery Monday to Wednesday while I work (I’m using annual leave to take Thursday and Friday off after maternity leave), and then we have four days together. I was adamant I wanted this and didn’t want her in nursery too much.

I had a pretty easy year with her. She breastfed easily, slept well etc. I felt confident I could navigate year two with her. Her dad sees her once a month so I get no real break, although he does pay all her nursery fees and provides 250 a month for her general expenses, which is a massive help. I use this money for a cleaner to help me keep on top of the home etc and felt like I was really making things work well. But I’m not.

I am losing my mind. Been up today since 7am and I want to cry. I have no idea what to do with her. We live semi-rural but I can’t face a soft play on a weekend. She can’t walk and doesn’t like the pram much so even if we have a walk it’s for 30 mins. She looks at a book for 30 seconds then that’s it. Even the tv I resorted to but she’s not interested in that anyway, plus I know it’s not good. I do play with her at home but I can’t do that for four days straight before work again. I feel like such a shit parent. Meal times are good as it’s something to do and interact. Even if we go out it feels pointless. She likes shopping in the trolley but obviously that’s only an hour max before i am losing my mind again.

Can’t believe I thought I was good at being a parent. I’m fully put in my place now and begging for ideas on how to fill these days???

The days may sometimes be really really long but the years are short, as it turns out! this is so true. I'm not a single parent, but my DH often worked weekends and was away for long periods. Reading your OP reminded me of those LONG days, which started so early in the morning and I really feel for you. Don't be afraid to do stuff you like doing. I used to take DD to museums and galleries, shops, garden centres, supermarkets, or just take her to a cafe for a hot chocolate. Ride on public transport - my DS used to LOVE that! Go out so you are not stuck in all day. I hear what you say about not enjoying swimming, but with a baby you don't have to actually do any swimming. Just get in the pool and let her splash about - it was the one thing that was guaranteed to tire out my DD so she would go home for a long nap and I could put my feet up. And remember it won't last forever - it might feel like that now while you're mired in the middle of it, but those baby years are really over in a flash. It won't be that long before she'll be chatting away to you and suddenly - before you know it - she'll be your favourite little companion and actually it will feel quite funny doing stuff without her.

@Parentingonee I think you're amazing.

My dd is just turned 14 months and there's no way I could spend 4 days alone with her each week, as much as I love her even one day feels long when I don't have other company.

Do you have friends locally you could spend some time with? Whenever I have a day alone with dd I always try and make plans with others, even just going over for a cuppa/them coming to me.

@Parentingonee don't worry, I wasn't suggesting a 13 month old could actually paint pasta and make something - it's more that some of them enjoy playing with pasta and paint.

Mine loved 'painting' at that age but it's more about bashing about the paintbrush with some paint (getting it everywhere). She doesn't have to be able to hold it properly or anything like that.

But that might not be what she likes, it's probably a bit of trial and error. But water trays seem to be a hit with a lot of kids.

I hate cleaning too, but if you are bored at home with the baby you might as well be bored whilst doing the cleaning and talking to her. At least then you can save the cleaner money for doing nicer things out of the house with her, either now or when she’s older.

You don’t need to entertain constantly. Do your own thing and narrate what you are doing, or leave her to entertain herself completely for small chunks of time.

My kids loved these at this age
https://www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/toys/pre-school-and-electronic-learning/tomy/tomy-toomies-hide-and-squeak-eggs/p/224269

You don't need a swimming class. Babies at that age absolutely love watching other children so if you take them swimming yourself just in an ordinary sat am family session there will be lots of other kids to watch. I used to take a non messy snack (eg biscuit or chocolate button one at a time) for the changing room after so that you can sit them still in the strap chairs they have in the family changing rooms. They are so hungry and thirsty after swimming it gives you time to get yourself changed first. Try it. As other posters have said you get a mega rest afterwards because they sleep for ages after a swimming session. Basically a full day event. Need to pick a slot between nap times though.

Mine definitely couldn’t direct the paint onto pasta at that age, don’t worry! I tended to find painting quite a lot of mess and stress until they had better control skills but a similar hand-eye ours loved was dropping things through slots- esp if they seemed to disappear! You can make a version of this with a simple Tupperware container ( I found not using a clear one was more engaging) then cut a hole in the lid. Provide a selection of things that fit in for LO to drop in. Oh! Where’s it gone? Just hide your car keys and other small valuables. My DS lost my wedding ring with his self- adapted version of this! Things got slotted everywhere!

I think Early Learning Centre actually used to sell a postbox version of this , though the slot was quite thin so not sure if 13 months is a bit soon?