How the hell do you look after a child of this age?! I feel like a shit parent

[Parentingonee]

DD is 13 months. She’s in nursery Monday to Wednesday while I work (I’m using annual leave to take Thursday and Friday off after maternity leave), and then we have four days together. I was adamant I wanted this and didn’t want her in nursery too much.

I had a pretty easy year with her. She breastfed easily, slept well etc. I felt confident I could navigate year two with her. Her dad sees her once a month so I get no real break, although he does pay all her nursery fees and provides 250 a month for her general expenses, which is a massive help. I use this money for a cleaner to help me keep on top of the home etc and felt like I was really making things work well. But I’m not.

I am losing my mind. Been up today since 7am and I want to cry. I have no idea what to do with her. We live semi-rural but I can’t face a soft play on a weekend. She can’t walk and doesn’t like the pram much so even if we have a walk it’s for 30 mins. She looks at a book for 30 seconds then that’s it. Even the tv I resorted to but she’s not interested in that anyway, plus I know it’s not good. I do play with her at home but I can’t do that for four days straight before work again. I feel like such a shit parent. Meal times are good as it’s something to do and interact. Even if we go out it feels pointless. She likes shopping in the trolley but obviously that’s only an hour max before i am losing my mind again.

Can’t believe I thought I was good at being a parent. I’m fully put in my place now and begging for ideas on how to fill these days???

Go feed the ducks on canal/lake, or farm parks are open at weekends, as are swimming pools, walk around a local walking trail. Join a pram fitness group, or advertise for others.

Hang in there OP. I remember weekends and school holidays being really tough when my first was that age. All activities and groups are geared around weekdays and term time and it seemed amongst friends I made at antenatal and baby groups to be generally accepted that we were all having family time at weekends therefore no-one was around to meet up. It can feel relentless and it's often lonely. As others have suggested, find a routine and split the day in to a series of activities. Mine loved mucking about with random objects at home (emptying cupboard of pans for example) - helping with baking (messy but so what!) - messy play - finger painting etc. There are loads of ideas online for simple but effective sensory play at home using stuff you've probably already got. Don't let bad weather stop you going out, mine loved playing in the rain, puddles, mud, leaves. Day trips to visit family are also a good distraction.

I always endured I had a trip out per day, so a typical non working day was

Sociable Outing, mostly for mum - play group (churches or synagogue ones are great and free or just biscuit money), library sing time, meet another parent for a coffee with a similar aged child, a baby class if you can afford it.

Solo outing - walk to count cats on the streets, playground, play zone, cafe with play area etc.

At home - housework with you (vacuuming was a big hit), playing toys, bathtime - any time of day, pots and wooden spoon banging, etc.

My only advice is to try to live for your pleasure - sociable outings etc., getting chores done - and baby comes for the trip rather than making it all about the baby.

Playing in the bath with bubbles, cups, jugs etc., visit somewhere with animals to look at/touch (my daughter loved looking at horses and cows in a field!), local craft place where you can make a mess with paint/glitter etc, swimming pool, trip on a bus so she can look out of the window, singing songs with actions so she can copy you, local library with song/play time. These are things I did when my daughter was younger, it’s hard on your own when they’re so young. You’re not a shit parent at all - you care.

It's really tough being a single parent, especially when your kids are little. I found weekends the worst, as other mum friends would be having family days with their husbands.

Could you change your working days to Mon, Weds, Fri? That would break the week up a bit, and you would have a day at work either side of the weekend.

If you think being at work an extra day a week would help, that's OK. You aren't a shit mum for working, and you won't be letting your daughter down.

Are there any local toddler groups? A bit daunting at first but they saved me from loneliness and I made some great friends.

Swimming - maybe the local pool has a toddler session? If not still go. Take snacks for the changing room.

Plan the weekend in advance. Do the food shop at the weekend to fill the time, make sure you get out every day.

Things will get easier. Very soon you will be able to do playdoh, finger paints, baking together.

This is definately not a you problem. Hang in there, you're doing great 💐

It is a tricky age! It gets much better soon as they start to have a longer attention span etc

I work part time and have a 15month old who has only just started walking. I second doing lots of organised activities (we do sing and sign, baby sensory and swimming lessons) - but appreciate there aren’t many of these at the weekend. One of my DC’s favourite toys is his pop up tent and tunnel which was v cheap from Argos. I put some of his toys inside and he crawls in and out to play with them. Other things that DC enjoys is painting and play dough. The other good investment is a good puddle suit so you can get to the park almost every day - we go unless it’s torrential rain.

I went to a local church with a friend just as a community thing (I’m not a Christian). Someone would obligingly take DD off my hands for an hour of Sunday school and I had an hour of peace with some nice singing.

Another one saying bath time is a great activity for this age. I had three under four and bath time must have taken up 1.5 hours of their days.
So much easier when they walk. We had no money so a slow toddle to the park and library and back was a daily activity for us. They seemed happy enough!

Sorry I know this isn't what you asked, but as you're a working single mum you may be able to get universal credit to pay back 85 percent of your nursery costs and then you would have extra from her dad and could do a few more paid activities or pay someone to come round a couple of hours each day to give you a mental break. How much an ex gives towards the child doesn't affect how much UC you get. I'm guessing you earn too much to claim the housing and living part of universal credit but that doesn't mean you wouldn't necessarily not be entitled to the childcare part. You could use the entitled to calculator to find out by plugging in everything including childcare costs. Doesn't matter if the childcare bill comes out of his bank account you just need an invoice showing paid from the nursery, to claim it back. Message me if you want any help with this....fellow single mum.

There are loads of toddler groups and activities. Avail of those, go to the park feed the ducks or play on the swings, do some diy messy play. Find a tv programme she likes and let her have a little tv time every now and the. If you need a break. Tv is not evil. . Do some diy messy play - pinterest is your friend - search up toddler activities. Get suited up in wet weather gear and go kick leaves and stomp in muddy puddles - both of you. Give her a big bubbly bath with lots of toys in the middle of the day and let her stay in as long as she wants. Do not stay in the house all day as you will go mad.

Oh god yes. really full on age.
I remember taking my two out to look round ToysRUs on more than one occasion. Just to get out the house. We had the full on talk that under NO circumstances was anything going to be purchased, but they could look, try any toys that were lying around, play in the wendy houses, train tracks etc.

I think they must have been a bit older that 13months though.

You are being unreasonable, due to the pressure you are putting on yourself. It's bloody hard entertaining them and ensuring they survive your parenting, 😆 Get on socials and find a mums group as near to you as possible. Find a babysitter/childminder for a couple of hours to ensure you have some "you" time. A happy, less stressed mum is paramount. Go on you deserve it!
Good luck
PS
This is the EASY bit, wait till she's 13🙄

Also OP take heart from all these messages - it’s because we’ve been there and know it’s hard but have the benefit of knowing it gets better with time xx

Messy things.

Rice in bowls, hoovers up easily enough.

Bath crayons, stick her in the tub, doesn't need to have water in, let her scribble away, rinse it when it's done.

Washing up! Let her wash some toys or plastic dishes with bubbles, lots of splashing.

I used to do things like Bake cakes and bread because they liked helping, it took longer but they found it fun. Walks where they looked for pine cones or oak leaves or something similar, playing at the park mostly on the swings and slide tbh. My youngest loved washing up so I'd put her in her high chair at the sink with loads of bubbly washing up water and lots of plastic cut is and plates, that was a favourite fun thing and I could clean up the kitchen while she was 'helping' just generally keeping her busy while I was doing things. It gets easier and more fun the older they get and the more they can do. Also, I had a large playpen so I would sometimes pop mine in there with some toys while I cracked on with other things or even if I just wanted a cuppa without being climbed on.

Perhaps invest in a baby carrier/sling to alternate pram with, if you haven't already. Get an all in one suit weatherproof suit to go out and and explore in. Its nice if it is rural where you are, take some seeds to feed birds, peanuts for squirrels, bread for ducks. Those are my favourite days, away from the hustle and bustle and just out exploring in nature. Collecting leaves for leaf art. If you're little one sees you enjoying it, it will encourage them too.

The best thing about kids is how they manage to bring the inner child out in you, so try to think back and remember all the little things that used to bring you joy.
Mine see me being ever so silly, singing random parodies to songs that don't make a huge amount of sense. But it's the seeing you happy that can have the biggest and most positive effect too.

You'll be fine, enjoy it, it honestly goes so quickly. X

And also some baby reins, the ones that have a backpack and lead. It's been a godsend for my 2 year old now for a long time.
I know you said you didn't like the TV being on too much, but even having some music or nursery rhymes playing in the background can be quite soothing too whilst keeping their brain active.

Is it possible to rearrange your work days? I did Monday, Wednesday, Friday when dc were small, then we could do groups on the Tuesday/Thursday and it was just the weekend without organised activities. Just helped spread the load a bit (dh worked away for weeks on end).

Nrtft so sorry if I'm repeating anything.

If you like being outside you could try a carrier? There's lots of different types I liked a soft structured carrier at that age, see if there's a sling library you can get to or join some babywearing Facebook groups for advice if there's not. So much more freedom to explore than a pushchair and opens up zoos, farm parks etc that you would otherwise need a pushchair for.

Get a tuff tray for sensory play, look up baby safe tuff tray sensory activities because she will definitely put some of whatever in her mouth, but it's something shes likely to keep going back to over a few hours. Great when the weather is crap!

Oh Op its tough.

You are doing it really the hard route as you are on your own all weekend.

so - my top tips for survival - focus on as much time outdoors as possible - particularly my son we had to be out twice a day - get up and out in the morning, wear them out - does she walk ? If not she will be soon doing more

secondly you need adult company - be the change - there will be other lonely mums nearby!

What is the nearest good park/ play area? Can you find out if other single parents would like to meet every saturday at 10am in the park ? Put a note on local facebook?

come home, nap and lunch - then out again! that's how I survived.

I would also change work if possible so you don't have 4 days in a row with her. You will enjoy the weekend more if you work fri and monday?

At that age, like PPs I liked to get out every day. Either bounce and rhyme at the library or a mother and baby group in the community centre. I met friends for lunch. I went to a local cafe and had a coffee. I also went to a mothers and babies fitness class in the local park where we all ran round pushing prams, brought our yoga mats and did yoga on the ground beside them (if it was dry) and finished with a coffee in the cafe.

national trust membership? quite often a play park but regardless a nice walk and a decent cafe! Joined when my kids were little and used to go at least once a week.

I remember this stage well op, it’s exhausting!

I used to spend a lot of time outside. I was lucky to have access to Botanic gardens which didn’t allow dogs and was very secure, so I used to sit on the grass and let them crawl and explore. An hour or so of that usually tired them
out so much they would sleep for a couple of hours. Music classes, soft play, swimming, the beach, anything to tire them out. We were rarely at home and when we were it was hard, so I totally get where you’re coming from.