Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

I generally consider being called woke a compliment

Some people are thoroughly deserving of ageist comments, particularly when they think they are are superior to younger generations and happy to make ageist generalisations about younger people.

It helps highlight their own ageism as they don't like it turned against them.

This sums it up well.

She probably wouldn't have tried to push in front of a 6 foot tattooed lad built like a brick shithouse either.

I guess it's quite useful to be a 6 foot tattooed lad built like a brick shithouse. My son is 6ft3 in doesn't have tattooes, I wonder if he has similar protection?

YANBU. Even if she was in the wrong for skipping the queue he has no right to put his hands on her. I doubt he would do the same to a man.

Well, I disagree.

Firstly, he touched her rucksack, not her.

And, chances are that she knew she was jumping the queue but thought some oldie wouldn’t have the balls to challenge her.

She will learn a lesson.

I know it is not popular these days, but this would have been the norm (irrespective of the sexes) a few years ago.

And I do see where the ‘woke’ thing comes from. It is all about privilege and who you are, rather than what you have done. If a ‘brave’ teenage girl had pulled the rucksack of a middle aged guy pushing in, it would have been congratulations all round to the brave heroine.

@W0tnow "
You don’t think it’s relevant to point out that he was a grown man, old enough to know better, and she was a teenager?"

That's what the word "man" is for.

Well that's how shitty behaviour continues isn't it? No-one challenges it.

Same could be said for the pushing in. But yes he should have told her rather than touched her bag.

You don't see the power ratio is different between a teenage girl and an adult man?

You, sir, are a numpty.

Of course he shouldn't have pulled her backwards. He should have said something to her if he was put out about it.

At the same time, she shouldn't have pushed ahead of other people in the queue, and frankly, if she's got enough confidence to push her way to the front of a queue then it's unlikely she needs someone to stand up for her, although it was kind of you to do so.

I really couldn't be exercised about someone telling me I'm woke. It says far more about the ignorance attitude of the women who said it than it does about you OP.

No she shouldn't have pushed in front but absolutely was not okay to grab and pull her back either and was aggressive and unnecessary response. Touching anyone in that way is not okay let alone a grown male adult towards a female teenager. As others have said it would been viewed very differently had it been the other way round.

He had absolutely no business laying his hands on her. She shouldn't have jumped the queue but what he did was far worse. The use of the word woke was ridiculous.

There are however some horrible posts on here - ageism, ableist language, Karen etc.

What is it with old people and queue etiquette when it's not warranted????

Bloody hell, I’ve never noticed ageism on MN before and now it’s non stop.

The times I have been standing at the right stop and the right bus has sailed past while the wrong bus has stopped and opened the doors...

One time I got on a bus near Wapping to go to Canary Wharf. The new bus driver got completely lost and we were all trying to direct him - despite the three of us on it having zero real clue of his actual route. Proper magical mystery tour of Shadwell and Limehouse.

Whatever happened to the very british "excuse me, There's a queue you know" and a good loud tut?

Absolutely this. He could tell her and tbh it didn’t affect him in reality as she went to sit at the back so he was just making a deliberate point.
My DD did the same last week when the bus arrived, she was very quick so I couldn’t stop her, just reminded her later that she needed to wait next time until an old lady who was there already would go fist. My DD has additional needs, yes, she knows about queues but can be forgetful.

Do people always queue in the shelter first then & filter out as necessary?

Technically an assault I could argue. Objecting verbally to pushing in would be OK, not what the man did.

That sounds hilarious unless you were pushed for time.

To be fair only bus stop queue etiquette you may be aware of at 13 is "everyone for themselves" on the school bus. You snooze, you lose.

At DD1's school there were so few spaces on the bus at the beginning of term there loads would get left behind, and for many there was only one bus and it was ten miles home.

It all sorted itself out after a few weeks when the Y7s who could get on one of several other buses did so, but until then it was brutal.

@CurlewKate i don’t for a second think you believe that no more relevant context is given when talking about say, a 20 year old, or 40 year old.

He shouldn't have pulled her.
He should have said "Excuse me, there's a queue and you just pushed in"
She shouldn't have pushed in but she did not deserve to be manhandled.

I still remember being about 6 or 7 at the shops with my aunty and cousins. We were in the fireplace department for some reason. I can't remember all the details but I do remember walking in front of a man who was looking at a fireplace (ie. instead of walking behind him) - he shoved me over and I landed on this iron fireplace, ended up with bruises etc. He shouted at me not to run in front of him. My aunty came over - no sympathy for me whatsoever and said "You shouldn't have run in front of him". I was crying my eyes out. I didn't even realized I'd gone in between him and the fireplace as he was standing a metre or so back. There was no need for either of them to behave like that - never an excuse to manhandle anyone.

The word "woke" needs to die as does "Karen". Those two words are used as weapons to shut people down who are standing up for themselves or others.

I think you were right . I’d have done the same only I wouldn’t have been as polite. Nasty old fart wouldn’t have grabbed a 6 foot 18 year old lad would he?

The teen sounds entitled and rude, and I very much doubt grabbing a backpack will traumatise her. How is she supposed to learn her behaviour is offensive if no one does anything? My son learned to take turns by five years old. Hopefully it will teach her to behave better - surely the teens of today are not such snowflakes that an OAP touching their bag leaves them running off to therapy? Where I live (different country) people queue, but elderly people are usually let on the bus first as a courtesy to make sure they get a seat.