Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

You should have stayed out of it. But young people do need to learn respect. Society is a mess these days. Hopefully she will think twice next time

I probably would have done the same as the man and I would have done it even to a man. What a little cow!

of course he wasn't in the right, what an awful man. people jump the queue all the time in London its not a massive thing

Whao! I live in Mexico and people hardly ever queue-jump here. I thought the English were supposed to be the world's top queuers.

I probably would have done the same as the man and I would have done it even to a man.

Course you would. 😂

In my experience, people will always queue when it is obvious where to queue.

Sometimes at bus stops it really isn't easy to tell as some people stand by the kerb, some choose to sit, some are getting different buses. At my work bus stop, the buses sometimes even open their doors while in the middle of the road, behind a couple of other buses also with doors open. You just do your best to be fair but it is not a perfect science.

@MenorcaMarguerite

Fair point.

’You should have stayed out of it. But young people do need to learn respect. Society is a mess these days. Hopefully she will think twice next time’

@VoiceOfCommonSense

Young women will “learn respect” by being dragged around by brainless men? Do you want to change your user name?

Hopefully he will think twice next time. What if his little handmaidens’ aren’t around to speak up for him?

Personally I hope his next victim thinks about smashing his face in because he’s supposed to have learned how to behave by now. Men like that tend to only understand matters like these when they get hurt.

Oh and @VoiceOfCommonSense don’t tell other women what they should have done just because you won’t do anything. Coward.

I agree.

As someone who gets on the bus regularly, everyone manages fine. Nobody pushes in front of others by accident.

I'm not saying the man is wrong, but he didn't feel the need to yank this girl because she was gingerly waiting for people to get on, and just a bit confused.

Not saying he's right*

So what are you saying?

It's pretty obvious but if I have to spell it out for you - @Lookingoutside

We don't need to excuse the girl pushing in. This man would not have had such a strong reaction otherwise.

We don't need to minimise bad behaviour to also be able to criticise his bad behaviour.

🙄

People that queue for buses are weird.

He ‘had such a strong reaction’ because he’s an imbecile. Like his little supporters.

Polite and well mannered actually but manners seem to be considered weird these days.

Where is the evidence she pushed in by the way?

could be the man made an honest mistake….happened once to me in a shop I was so stunned i didnt say anything 😀

although i will say it again even if she did push in he shouldn’t have dragged her back by her back back

It’s in the OP that she “skipped the queue”.

Nah people that queue don't like to wait their turn. You get on in approximately the order you arrived, everyone is chill. People that come and queue and then get funny when people who've been waiting longer want to get on the bus then use the excuse of the imaginary queue are doing this deliberately

Queues aren’t “imaginary”.

They are if there's already people at the bus stop

It does…but all the OP said was that she was not under the shelter, not at what point she turned up.

To clarify the queue situation: she didn't push her way past anyone. She was waiting beside the shelter and went to step on the bus before those waiting in the shelter, so broke the bus queue etiquette of allowing the people in the shelter to get on first

As others have said she could have been there all the time

but manners wise i am someone who doesn’t believe that just because someone has ‘bad manners’ that i have to lower myself to their level(or below) by yanking them back by their backpack

I think you did the right thing in talking to the girl. From her reaction it seems like she might not have realised she was queue jumping. Of course it’s wrong to jump a queue but it’s also wrong to physically pull someone backwards. Well done for speaking up, OP.

She shouldn’t have skipped the queue. I would be really annoyed if either of my dc did that. And would have had no sympathy if they came to me with a sob story about a nasty man.

Doesn’t mean I agree with what he did, but zero sympathy for the teen I’m afraid.

What about if your husband came home and said he'd manhandled a child?

What about it? I’d still have no sympathy for her, and also not agree with what he did. They were both in the wrong. But perhaps she might think again before behaving like an entitled arse

It's amazing how many people have decided to pretend not to know the difference between the minor discourtesy of que jumping and physically assaulting someone. I know it's terrible to lose an argument on mumsnet, but have some dignity.