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Original poster

Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

369 replies

Bdaybdilemma · 17/11/2023 13:41

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

OP posts:
Lifeomars · 17/11/2023 14:21

All he needed to do was to have a polite word with her, it is always a good idea to model the behaviour that you want to see. Grabbing her backpack was totally unnecessary. As for the "woke" comments, oh I do not have the words to express how sick I am of hearing this as a catch all response to anything someone does not like. It is only going to get worse now we have a Minister for Common Sense in the person of Esther McVey who has pledged to fight "wokery". It would be funny if it was not so depressing and pathetic

Elastica23 · 17/11/2023 14:22

Woke is a compliment, AFAIC, though not in the minds of the bigoted twats who think it's an insult.

To "Oh are you woke?" I'd reply "Why, are you asleep?"

Lifeomars · 17/11/2023 14:26

Nonplusultra · 17/11/2023 14:07

Well done for speaking up - it will hopefully make him think twice about doing it again, even if his reason is to avoid “woke” reactions like yours!

I’m puzzled by your title though - do you feel bothered by the term woke? It would have been something else ten years ago, and something else ten years before that. Commie…red…hippie…punk… pc… It’s all just ways of saying “are you someone who doesn’t subscribe to my world view of my own entitlement?” And clearly your answer is no.

We now have a Minister for Common Sense, one Esther McVey who has pledged to fight "wokery" (her word). This shows her pervasive the expression has become.

StereotypicalBarbie · 17/11/2023 14:29

Well they totally misunderstand what woke means.
In my local town, it’s usually the older people pushing to the front at the bus stop.
The young girl shouldn’t have pushed to the front but as the mother of teens, they don’t always think of others in the way they should.
But I’m furious reading this, how dare he put his hands on her and pull her. In my experience, there are men of a certain age, who think it is acceptable to do this sort of thing. And it certainly isn’t acceptable. If it was a tall teen boy, he wouldn’t be doing that.
Good for you for sticking up for her.

haribosmarties · 17/11/2023 14:30

She shouldn't have pushed in but he should have spoken yo her not mildly assaulted her. Fkn disgusting behaviour from a grown man. Absolutely no justification for manhandling a young girl. Men getting away with this type of shit grinds my gears I would have gone ballistic. Would he do that to another man? Of course not. Only people who he knows won't turn round and hit him. You don't pull strangers about.

Bouffe · 17/11/2023 14:32

Would you say you're ageist, OP? Just look at all the other ageists you've attracted. Plus all the people who call those they don't agree with morons and cretins — and all of them thinking they're so progressive.

LakieLady · 17/11/2023 14:32

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/11/2023 13:51

It's completely lost its meaning hasn't it?

When someone uses the word "woke" now in conversation I always brace for a battery of poorly thought out Right wing invective about young people. Tedious as fuck.

Show quote history

Oh, they don't reserve it for young people. I've been called "woke" on a few occasions, and I'm 68.

Lookingoutside · 17/11/2023 14:33

Of course he shouldn’t have done that. You met 3 idiots. It feels like the country is full of them.

And exactly, he did it because she’s a young woman.

MrsMarzetti · 17/11/2023 14:34

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/11/2023 13:45

He sounds like a thug and the two women sound like complete cretins.

The problem with this "woke" word is that it's now lost all meaning and has just become the catch-all rallying cry of Express-reading knuckle-draggers who don't have a clue what it means.

Yes the teenage girl was mildly self-centred but she's a teenager. An adult male should absolutely not be seeking to physically restrain a younger female for something like this.

You're right to have confronted him -- good for you. Wish I'd had the balls.

And the problem with people making continual excuses for teenagers is one of the reasons our society is a mess. If that teen is old enough to travel on public transport she is old enough to have manners. I have had it with the excuses, i was 15 once i would never have behaved like that and no excuse would be made for if me i had behaved like that and rightly so. Stop babying teens, they are a short way from adulthood, teach them how to be a decent member of the population.

W0tnow · 17/11/2023 14:35

Bouffe · 17/11/2023 14:32

Would you say you're ageist, OP? Just look at all the other ageists you've attracted. Plus all the people who call those they don't agree with morons and cretins — and all of them thinking they're so progressive.

Where has the OP been ageist?

LadyMacB · 17/11/2023 14:36

As a general rule, I’d work on an assumption that anyone who calls someone else “woke”, is probably a dick. The same goes for “snowflake”.

CuboidsAndSpheres · 17/11/2023 14:36

YABU she was rude.

He was out of line to physical grab her bag, but maybe she's learnt something. I was also a little shot who used to push past and if someone pushed me back, they'd have been fair enough

Backtomyoldname · 17/11/2023 14:37

May be she was pushing on, maybe she didn't realise. Who knows.

As a former child and as a teacher I found that teenagers don't always queue to get on a school bus. More like a scrum.

But he was wrong. Open to accusations. Open to prosecution if she's fallen back and injured herself.

General rule - don't touch strangers.

As for it being woke. It's a word with a range of meaning but I can't see that any fit this situation.

You were right to tackle this male Karen.

Imnotsorrysorry · 17/11/2023 14:38

It’s unacceptable to physically anything to a stranger. Poor girl. She may not have realised it was a queue or she could have had a condition which makes her less observant such as autism or she may just be a teenager with her head in the clouds. He was more rude to touch her than she was for queue jumping. It’s probably classed as assault to be honest.

MasterBeth · 17/11/2023 14:41

I'm as woke as fuck and would wear this insult as a badge of honour.

sashagabadon · 17/11/2023 14:42

Elderly people used to hit us on the head when we were at school and piling on the bus barging them out of the way in the 80’s. People are much more polite now!

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/11/2023 14:43

@MrsMarzetti

And the problem with people making continual excuses for teenagers is one of the reasons our society is a mess. If that teen is old enough to travel on public transport she is old enough to have manners. I have had it with the excuses, i was 15 once i would never have behaved like that and no excuse would be made for if me i had behaved like that and rightly so. Stop babying teens, they are a short way from adulthood, teach them how to be a decent member of the population.

Right-oh... you heard the woman. We just need them all to know their place.

A bit of manhandling by an adult man should do the trick. Let's show them who's boss.

Sallyh87 · 17/11/2023 14:43

I’ve lived in England for about 10 years and the obsession with queues is amazing.

If everyone is standing at a bus stop how is there even a queue? Surely everyone just crowds in surely?

Anyway, love this country! But queues are like catnip to you people 😂

Yeah, he was wrong. Bet he wouldn’t have done it to a big bloke.

MikeRafone · 17/11/2023 14:44

Just ask them - what does woke mean, they can't ever answer

CurlewKate · 17/11/2023 14:45

Remind me why his age was important?

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/11/2023 14:46

CurlewKate · 17/11/2023 14:45

Remind me why his age was important?

I don't think his age in itself is important aside from the fact he's an adult and clearly old enough to know better. What is very material is that he's a bloke and she's a teenage girl.

Warriormum1 · 17/11/2023 14:47

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/11/2023 13:45

He sounds like a thug and the two women sound like complete cretins.

The problem with this "woke" word is that it's now lost all meaning and has just become the catch-all rallying cry of Express-reading knuckle-draggers who don't have a clue what it means.

Yes the teenage girl was mildly self-centred but she's a teenager. An adult male should absolutely not be seeking to physically restrain a younger female for something like this.

You're right to have confronted him -- good for you. Wish I'd had the balls.

You are absolutely right! There is a real problem with people throwing words around and calling people names whenever they don't agree with them. "Woke" "Far left" "Far right" "Conspiracy theorist" "Tin Foil hat wearer" "Express reading knuckle draggers" It's all the same no matter what side people are on. There's also a real problem with people using dramatic language to describe things they don't agree with in order to make things seem worse. e.g "seeking to physically restrain" when someone tugged on a backpack. The world would probably be a better place if people learned to put their point across intelligently instead of being reduced to calling each other insulting names.

Pumpkinpie1 · 17/11/2023 14:49

Why did you get involved? She shouldn’t have been rude and pushed in

Sickofhousestuff · 17/11/2023 14:49

Well done OP. Nice to see people looking out for one another. Yes the girl was in the wrong but you just don’t get physical. Hope I’d be as brave as you if I saw similar.

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/11/2023 14:49

@Warriormum1

Well I've been put in my place twice for using insults to describe the intellectually challenged and fair enough.

But I stand by the fact that someone who accuses someone else of being "woke" because they challenge a third person for physically manhandling a child isn't terribly bright. And that manhandling a child is thuggish behaviour. Sue me.