Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

The difference appears to be age. It is acceptable to pull on backpacks of teenagers, but no one says the contrary for an older person.

If it's allowed for teens, it presumably is okay for anyone else.

The silence on that point tells you everything

You'd just "not agree" if your husband came home and said he'd been violent with a teenage girl?

Crikey

Nobody should pull anyone by the strap. Nobody should skip a queue.
But one is deliberately done and one could be accidental.

Saying that, queue jumpers are generally entitled assholes.

A security guard grabbed my jacket as I went past and yelled at me, but let go when he saw I was not who he thought I was, I was furious, don’t touch people, they might wallop you.

@Tryingtokeepgoing

But I am interested to hear why you felt it was the right thing to do to challenge his (unacceptable) behaviour, but you didn't challenge the (unaceptable) behaviour of the girl that jumped the queue?

Presumably because one is annoying and the other is assault?

And OP's threshold for getting involved in strangers business is (I think quite sensibly) met by assault and not by annoyance.

Haha, calm down love. People will learn respect when they realise there are consequences to their actions. If I was in the same situation I don’t think I’d be dragging a girl but I’d certainly say something if it affected me. Otherwise I’d mind my business like OP should have.

I wouldn't have got involved at all!

I think I would have asked them to tell me what exactly they think ‘woke’ means? And then laughed at them when they got it wrong. As soon as anyone says ‘woke’ I usually expect it to be followed by a load of Suella Braverman-esque rubbish.

I would’ve loved to have seen how he handled a London bus stop. There is no queue, everyone just bundles for the door of the bus! I don’t feel it’s rude though.

I’m intrigued about the women calling you “woke”, for defending a girl who’s just been assaulted. As if that’s supposed to be an insult! You also checked on her after the assault, which was the right thing to do. I’d take your ‘wokeness’ as a compliment. Thanks for looking out for this girl.

He probably shouldn’t have grabbed her backpack but I don’t think additional confrontation was necessary.

Firmly moved away a chancer? Or violent? There is a big difference.

@crumpet

Well let's take OP's description.

If your husband said a teenage girl went ahead of other people in the queue, so he "pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards", you would honestly think that was acceptable?

If he did that in front of you, you'd think it was ok and not be incredibly embarrassed?

There was a very ild man in the fruit and veg shop the other day.

ignored the queue and went straight to the front….nothing ambiguous like in the OP

i assumed he just hadn’t realised where the queue was and to be honest I figured that he might have all sorts of reason why queueing was hard for him so I didn’t say or do anything

now i know if it happens again i can just ‘firmly move a chancer’

its going to make veg shopping very interesting

ild? Old obviously

It's a use of force against a teenage girl by a grown man. A grown man doubtless emboldened by the fact it's a young girl he's pulling about and not someone who's gonna turn round and knock his teeth out

The word "woke" is being used by fiend and for alike with a totally different meaning to that which it originally had, amongst black people on the US. Like the word "gay" which originally meant happy and jolly, now meaning homosexual. Many were/are unhappy that it was co-opted into a different meaning.
Do words evoke or doth language remain static?

You guys crack on. A pull with a single finger would be enough force to pull someone with a rucksack back with if they weren’t expecting it.

Hyperbole isn’t the answer.

@crumpet

I'm unclear on your position in this if your husband was the man in the situation.

If your husband said a teenage girl went ahead of other people in the queue, so he "pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards", you would honestly think that was acceptable?

If he did that in front of you, you'd think it was ok and not be incredibly embarrassed?

YABU, actions speak louder than words. There could’ve been a lesson learned there, but thanks to you that girl still thinks it’s OK to jump the queue.

Wheres the hyperbole in my post

i even used your phase!