Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

YANBU. Good on you for checking in with her and standing up for her.

She shouldn't have pushed in. But he shouldn't have pulled her back.

Absolutely no way on earth would he have done this to a teenage boy or even less a grown man. Misogynistic arse.

A totally normal unfolding of the situation would've been:
Girl pushes in.
Man says "Excuse me, you've just pushed in".
Girl realises and says "Oh I'm sorry".
Girl takes her rightful place in the queue.
Man gets to board the bus in his rightful place.
Girl is a bit embarrassed, learns lesson and doesn't jump a queue again

She was rude, he should have called it out verbally and definitely shouldn't have touched her.

I’d take it as a compliment being called woke. I’m also laughing at people queuing at a bus stop. I live in London and the bus pulls up wherever it likes and the nearest to the door get on. Older and infirm people are usually offered a seat and the young ones nearly always go upstairs. So not really an issue.

I would have loved it if you had asked them "what does woke mean?" Bet they have no idea, just spouting it to shut you up.

YANBU to stand up for her. Teens often need it against bullying older people.
But she was rude to push in too.

I’m also laughing at people queuing at a bus stop.

A queue is normal where I live. Based on observation, it seems to be cities where it's a free-for-all and towns where people queue.

In any event, if people are clearly standing in a line waiting for public transport, it's polite to join the back of the queue, even if it's not what you're used to.

That isn’t acceptable either. I’ve reported your post.

Cripes OK. Can we just go with intellectually challenged individuals then?

Clearly that works in some places but please don’t tell me how to behave as I do know how to adapt my behaviour to my circumstances.

Well done for speaking up - it will hopefully make him think twice about doing it again, even if his reason is to avoid “woke” reactions like yours!

I’m puzzled by your title though - do you feel bothered by the term woke? It would have been something else ten years ago, and something else ten years before that. Commie…red…hippie…punk… pc… It’s all just ways of saying “are you someone who doesn’t subscribe to my world view of my own entitlement?” And clearly your answer is no.

YANBU. Good on you for standing up for her.

I’m also laughing at people queuing at a bus stop.

They are normal where I live - at bus parks actual queues tend to form up as it clear where bus will park but more ordinary stops and small crowd convention is who turns up first - larger crowds where that's not clear anymore it's form a quick queue or part form a queue and everyone is polite and considerate.

Even when I've lived in bigger cities it's more semi queue and less free for alls.

This!

He would have been fine to say / call out something like “oi, no queue jumping” but pulling her back like that is not on. Never a call to get physical esp not for something like this.

Would he have done that to a 6’, strapping teenage lad? I don’t think so!

The ladies saying “woke” were just demonstrating their ignorance of what the word means.

Same in London, because people are often all waiting for different buses from the same stop

@Nonplusultra

I’m puzzled by your title though - do you feel bothered by the term woke? It would have been something else ten years ago, and something else ten years before that. Commie…red…hippie…punk… pc… It’s all just ways of saying “are you someone who doesn’t subscribe to my world view of my own entitlement?” And clearly your answer is no.

This wasn't directed at me but: I wouldn't be offended by the term "woke" -- I'd rather be aligned with "woke" than with these people of intellectually challenged and aggressively backwards views.

It just irritates me when words become weaponised as generic insults, particularly by people who lack the critical analysis abilities to actually understand their context and meaning.

I live in London. We queue for the bus. You sort of see who’s arrived before you and let them on first.

TBH, I normally let more elderly people and parents with children on before me, regardless of who got there first. I’ll only end up giving my seat to them anyway, if the bus is a bit crowded, so it saves a bit of faff.

That he thinks “woke” is an insult says all you need to know about him.

And as if he would have done the same to a guy.

What a twat.

She shouldn’t have skipped the queue and you shouldn't have involved yourself

This. I hate queue jumping, BUT (and it's a massive but) his behaviour was absolutely unacceptable.

Absolutely no need to touch that girl. None at all. I hate queue jumpers but it's not ever acceptable to grab someone because they've done it. Horrible bastard. Unless there was likely to not be enough seats for everyone boarding I wouldn't even say anything to a bus queue jumper, let alone assault one.

Was the girl even definitely pushing in the queue? Any chance she had actually been waiting longer? Or perhaps everyone was faffing to get ready to board so she nipped in front.

I got told off by a man yesterday who accused me of pushing in. I was sat down waiting in bus station in the seats directly in front of bus stand, had been for a long while before the bus arrived. If he had physically touched me for this perceived queue jumping, I would have been furious.

He shouldn't have grabbed her, he should have said politely, "Excuse me, there's a queue," as I'm sure he would have done if it were a 45 year old man.

I was that teenage girl one time in an unfamiliar city on work experience, when I was 14. I ran to the bus stop with my mate as a bus pulled up, it was quite dark and wet, and suddenly there was a man's arm across my chest and I nearly fell over backwards. We had come from the other side of the bus shelter and couldn't see the queue. Not intentional at all on our part. The rude, creepy weirdo.

Yes, they called you woke because calling people out on their behaviour is what woke has to come mean now. Whether people like or not the meaning evolved. About the situation. It seems that people are way more aggressive out there at the moment. She should not have jumped the queue but he should not have reacted like this. I will not get involved in things like this nowadays. You can get a nutcase to knife you to death in buses these days.

It was one of the two women who said it.

At least with the term 'political correctness gone mad' you sort of knew where you were -- it was generally a right-wing critique of broadly centrist or leftist respect for diversity. Now, with the term 'woke' people from any and all perspectives express their distain for those with different perspecitves. I can think of several social divisions where you can be dismissed as 'woke' for taking a stance on either side. Nothing means anything any more.

BTW, I'm sixty and if I were to grab at some random person getting on a bus it wouldn't be my age that caused me to do it. I don't think I am more likely to do such an agressive thing now than I would have been one or two or three decades ago. So, call me 'woke' if you like () but I could have done without the ageism in several posts on this thread.

well done @Bdaybdilemma ! The 'Gentleman' thinks that pulling someone backward is an 'acceptable' way to let her know that she should wait her turn? What is the world coming too!..... He could have easily pulled her over if she'd lost her balance. I'd hate to think of what he's like at home if that is what he thinks is ok to do to a stranger.

You educate through using conversation and words not via physical action against someone. That's basic 101 that you teach toddlers, 'use your words'.

Absolutely you did the right thing.