Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

@Bdaybdilemma she was a rude lil shyte for skipping but NO ONE has the right to put hands on another person and he would never have done that to a boy or man.

You did right by pulling him up. If we don't call out bullshit like this when it happens, men like that go on getting handsy with girls whenever they like. Call it out, stand up for other woman.

I agree she should learn manners and not push into the queue.

But the man shouldn't have grabbed her bag, he should have said something like excuse me, the queue is there. He should learn manners too.

There is nothing wrong with pulling someone up on their behaviour but I do think he should have kept his hands to himself.

It was genuinely great fun. I had a London Transport obsessed toddler with me... he thought all his Christmases had come at once. He spent YEARS telling everyone how he helped drive a bus to where it needed to go. We used to have the book "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" and every single time we read it my son used to collapse in giggles about how the pigeon could have got us to Canary Wharf better than the poor driver.

The guy just blanked out, it was a few years before smart phones so no real way of helping him with his route. At one point he spotted a bus stop, drove up to it, got out, looked at the bus timetable and came back on saying "ok that's for every other bus in the area but not mine." 😂

He should have said to her there's a queue, the two women should mind their own or at least only use words that they know the meaning of.
I would call someone out for manhandling a woman or child, but then I'm aggressive to idiots who should know better.
If someone calls me woke I generally tell them to fuck off.

They were both in the wrong ~ her for skipping the queue and him for grabbing hthe handle of her rucksack . I do , however , disagree with the poster who called him a thug for doing this !!

We don’t know if she skipped the queue or not.

i don’t wait in bus shelters because they’re often pissy, other people are rude so I queue outside even if I am first.

with that said and OP only having the info in front of her he was an arsehole to use physical force for a potentially minor queue cut.

it is classed as assault however you look at it. And nobody deserves that for minor issues around manners.

I think the OP was right in doing this. The OP stood up for someone who felt unable to say something and intimidated. It was a child who was pulled back by an adult man who could've told her that ppl were queuing and could she go to the back which would've been adequate. He would never have done this to a man. Sometimes people need others to advocate for them when they are unable to.

Teenage girl was wrong to jump queue, but OP, you were totally correct to call the rude man out on it.

As many have said before, do not put your hands on another person, either directly, or in this case indirectly, by controlling her movement using her back pack.

You have inspired me to lay more attention to that kind of crap.

I personally wouldn't get involved...too much to go wrong. But I am interested to hear why you felt it was the right thing to do to challenge his (unacceptable) behaviour, but you didn't challenge the (unaceptable) behaviour of the girl that jumped the queue?

He shouldn't have grabbed her. But she was in the wrong to jump the queue.

She was outside the shelter standing in the cold, whilst they were all sat in the shelter, so was probably desperate to get on the bus and sit in the warm. Poor kid.

Did you ask her why she skipped ahead as a college atudent she is old enough to know common etiquette. That would have been one of my questions.

But yes he shouldn't have touched her. You were right but I hope you also told the girl to not jump ahead next time might and up in a full blown confrontation

Obviously he shouldn’t have laid a finger on her but she sounds like a right pup. Not sure why you felt the need to reprimand him. Seems like a ridiculous overreaction all round.

As another poster said, it is hard to queue at many bus stops because people are waiting for different buses. 5 different buses go from the main stop near me and I’ve got no idea who is waiting for what and who was there first. People generally don’t push and shove though.

YABU she was a cheeky madam and needed telling. Completely acceptable in my book. Since when are we no longer allowed to pull up the younger generation on their behaviour? Just wow.

He shouldn't have touched her. She shouldn't have pushed in front.

I'd rather be 'woke' than a cunt.

There was room for everyone on the bus so 🤷‍♀️. The girl shouldn’t have cut the queue but it’s not like she elbowed elderly people out of the way.
Im an older person (60s) and I find a lot of men my age and older and are very rude and talk down to woman , very often their wives, in public.
And no, he definitely shouldn’t have manhandled her, what would he have grabbed if there’d not been a backpack…

Possibly because of the huge power imbalance between an adult male and a young girl? Not to mention the difference between the minor (and possibly accidental) misdemeanour of queue jumping and physically manhandling someone.

I can't believe anyone thinks these are comparable.

I recall standing in a queue for a bus in one of these working museums, elderly couple in front of me first in the queue.
Bus arrives, group of teens wander up and start to walk past all of us. "Excuse me, these people are first, please go to the back" in best teacher voice. They apologised, headed for the back and everyone else got on.

Teens are often in their own worlds, that I agree with, but it's as simple as using your words. To grab the girl and pull her was totally uncalled for. I recall as a younger woman being pulled backwards by a man and shouted at for dropping litter. I'd pulled my glove out of my pocket and dropped a tissue, hadn't even realised, but I was physically pulled back by my hood and berated. Fortunately I had the words to tell him to take his hands off me immediately, but I can see a young girl not having the confidence for that.

In neither the OP's scenario nor mine would anyone have been physically pulled back if they were male.

Are you being serious? I don't know about you but I was brought up to not to lay hands on other people or their property unless in an emergency. He has a tongue in his head he could have said "excuse me there's a queue"

Jesus the 1950 are that way...

Good for you, OP. What a dick.

Unfortunately it often happens that young people are so engrossed in their phone that they often do not realise how their behaviours (pushing to get ahead or jump a queue) impacts on others.

He was wrong to do anything other than eye-roll or comment 'that there is a queue and they were all waiting to get on'.
Maybe that would have been an education for her for next time she is waiting for a bus
.
I feel some of the words used to describe the man and the women as a 'thug' and 'cretins' unacceptable on this thread. Others have pointed out the hyperbolic use of these terms in this instance.

He assaulted her. Absolutely right to call him out.
By all means point out she has queue jumped but grabbing…. totally unacceptable.
As for the woke accusation, I just say I’m proud to be woke. Amusing to watch people’s reactions!

@ruby1957

I feel some of the words used to describe the man and the women as a 'thug' and 'cretins' unacceptable on this thread. Others have pointed out the hyperbolic use of these terms in this instance.

I've been pulled up on this and I've apologised...

But in deference to the language police surely we can agree that a) the man was a bully for physically manhandling a child and b) the women were not the most intellectually capable specimens if they equate challenging someone for poor behaviour with being "woke".