Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

I think you have misread the OP post... it is clear to me that she did not jump the queue...

I agree. And she didn't need people supporting her in her rudeness.

Totally agree. I can’t believe anyone could possibly try and defend this man’s behaviour. Those of you who are, you’re honestly telling me that you would be happy for your sister/mother/daughter to be dragged by the backpack when a stranger deems them to be in the wrong. By all means have a conversation, calmly, like an adult. God forbid a grown man should have to form a sentence as opposed to resorting to being physical. Disgusting.

So, as another poster has already said, if an older person pushes in front of me for the bus next week, it's OK to grab their bag and pull them backwards?

Serious question.

If an older person queue jumps me, how should I handle it? Because, believe me, some older people automatically push in front of the kids. And I think they should know better too.

Right ok. So the next time an older person jumps the queue I have the green light to yank their bag, do I and shove them out of my way. After all it’s not grabbing the person is it?

As a mum of three children, haven’t you taught them not to jump the queue, and wait their turn, so this would never happen?

This. Unbelievable how much support lack of manners gets when the perpetrator is female.

@BIossomtoes why couldn’t the poor man use his words? If he was so outraged by this teenage girls ‘lack or manners’ what right has he got to use his hands as opposed to his voice? It’s the way a 2 year old might handle a situation.

Are you deliberately misreading the OP's post no jumping of queue occurred... they were all stood at the bus shelter and she happened to get on first. Even if she had jumped the queue it is totally inappropriate to put your hands on someone else like this.

@Bambooshoot Are you OK, hun? A child makes a mistake so she deserves to be pulled back by a 60 year old bloke who should know that women and children should go before him because that’s basic manners? That makes you feel better does it? Weird hill to die on but you crack on.

Great post. Agree with it.

Next time an older woman pushes past me I'll pull her back by her coat. Seems to be fair based on the defenders of this "man".

What words do you suggest he used? Given that he was obviously behind her? What words would have attracted her attention?

How about, excuse me there’s a queue? Five words? 😂😂

You are utterly out of order and I will report your post. It is not acceptable to make personal attacks on a poster. You are very wrong.

But, like I've pointed out in my post, I've been in the situation where a young boy waited outside the shelter having got to the bus stop before me. I saw him because I was coming from the direction of the side he was standing. The bus shelter filled up, bus came along. I signalled him to go in front of me as he'd been there the longest and got a mouthful from a woman who said I shouldn't let him queue jump. I more than happily explained to her that maybe she should have looked before she leapt in with her little shout.

So he hadn't jumped the queue but would have been accused of it had he stepped up to the bus if I hadn't been there. So 'it would never happen' is total rot.

It still doesn't get away from the fact that pulling someone back isn't acceptable.

If it has now become so, I'm grateful to know it as there are older people who decide they're entitled to go ahead of the queue merely because they're getting on a bit - I'll try that next time, thanks for the tip. And I'm 60 by the way.

If (which I don't this happened) she had done something rude ... he could have said loudly excuse me I think we were here first! Not that difficult is it!

How would she know he was talking to her?

He could have said something to her face once on the bus.. not difficult!

Too late once she was on, she’d have jumped the queue.

I think the opposite. Teenagers get away with anything under The excuse of being teens.

Why is it too late?

Anyway she did not jump the queue..

Girl was wrong. Man was wrong. You were also wrong to get involved - it was none of your business. He didn't touch her, only her backpack. Three wrongs - how many rights does that equate to?

You can’t be serious @BIossomtoes
you’re obviously joking. Are you in the habit of pulling strangers by their clothing when you deem them rude? If someone leaned over you in Sainsbury’s would you give them a quick tug? Do you struggle to use your words too?

If someone leaned over you in Sainsbury’s would you give them a quick tug?

Did you really say that? 😂