Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

What he did outweighs what she did by a country mile. Never touch someone else. Ever.

Well, clearly you don't if your reaction to seeing a queue at a bus stop is to laugh at the people standing in it.🙄

Yes indeed, it's pretty much only used as an insult by people who are short on intelligence, but with bigotry in abundance.

Firstly, you have no idea if the girl had no manners or just made a mistake. If you have a strong case you shouldn’t have to make stuff up to state it.

I never said pushing in a queue is feminism. Again. If you have to make stuff up to make your case, you have no case.

You’ve been doing feminism wrong if you think it’s ok for a man to use his larger strength and size to get away with physically pulling at a woman to ‘correct’ her.

You’ve also been doing manners and civil society wrong if you think we can go around pulling at people to ‘correct’ them rather than speaking to them.

Whether she queue jumped or not, he physically pulled her backwards via the rucksack.
Definitely not ok when words would've sufficed.

She shouldn't have pushed in, but he shouldn't have pulled her. He commited the bigger of the two wrongs, clearly. The women are just idiots.

Alternatively, wouldn't it have been nice for the adults to have made sure the teenage girl got safely on the bus?

Who is actually more in need of getting safely on the bus- a big adult man or a young teenage girl on her own?

Who would you rather see having to wait at a bus stop on their own if the bus indeed had been so full that they couldn't both possibly squeeze on?

The people on here trying to justify this weirdos actions.

He behind her so he couldn’t use his words as she wouldn’t know he was talking to her. 😂

I can just imagine the people writing these ridiculous comments.

The same sort of people who tell girls ‘he’s mean to you because he likes you’ and ‘boys are just more boisterous’ ‘it’s hard for boys to control their emotions’ 😂

Ooh! It was fine for him to pull her back by the bag strap then! Of course it was...

I know my husband would have offered for her to get on the bus before him anyway rather than risk a young teenage girl being left by herself at the bus stop. But you know, he is a good person.

Exactly this... also the kind of people that say she was asking for it when a woman has a short skirt on and gets sexually assaulted!

pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards

this is what OP said. Backpacks are attached to the wearer. If you grab that you have a solid hold of them, and they get pulled too.

It not just ‘touching the bag’ as other posters have minimized it as.

Oh, and this is what OP said

pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards

So no, not ‘touching’ her backpack at all.

So thats three things you made up in one short paragraph to make your ‘argument’.

Still, I see loads of people on this thread are calling out your nonsense.

What is it with men and queues? One thing is for certain he wouldn’t have done it to bloke. He had no right to touch her, he should have used his voice instead. It doesn’t only happen to teenager though, I’m 75 and it happened to me.
I was in queue in Tesco express a few months ago, I had a basket and it was heavy so I put it on the floor while I waited, pushing it along with my foot as I progressed up the queue. A bloke behind me poked me in the back with his walking stick and shouted MOVE! I couldn’t move, another shopper was getting served at the only checkout open. Don’t know where he expected me to MOVE to.

Thank you for standing up for her.

Queue jumping was not a justification for him grabbing her backpack and pulling her backwards. That was incredibly dangerous of him. He should have used his words, like they teach little kids.

He was a misogynistic bully and I'm glad you told him off.

@Daffodilsandtuplips you’ll probably find the man who poked you in the back graduated from the same caveman school as the bus weirdo.

’I simple man- me not learn sentences yet’ these types of bloke only know how to use their hands. Their brains haven’t developed yet.

I live in London and I queue for the bus in the morning because it is possible to do so because it is ordered and I can see who was in front of me.

When I return, the council have made an absolute mess of things and it is absolutely impossible to tell where the queue is as so many buses stop at the same place (often at the same time, often blocking the road). People who are at the bus shelter might easily have been there far longer than the people who are in the "queue" at the roadside, people you are patiently standing behind might not even want the same bus, etc.

Generally, people do their best not to push in but it is certainly not an orderly process and easy to get wrong. I have never seen anyone get cross about it either verbally or physically, it is just not a big deal. All works out on the inside. Teens and fit adults go upstairs, elderly downstairs, too full and you wait for the next bus...

No he shouldn't have grabbed her, he should have said excuse me these people were before you in the queue which would have been enough. Bet he wouldn't have grabbed a 6foot man pushing in, the twat.

What proof is there that she jumped the queue?

Just because people are in the shelter doesn’t mean they were first to arrive at the bus stop. I take the bus all the time and I often wait in front or beside the bus stop not under the shelter. Regardless if she did or not, you don’t put your hands on someone and yes, pulling someone back without consent/notice by the backpack they are wearing is touching them.

Yeh this

Firstly, they were ahead in the queue. Secondly, teenagers used to be taught that they should stand for older people, particularly if they are frail.
The girl was rude to push in.
The man was completely out of order pulling her back, he should have said something , not pulled her. He would not have pulled the rucksack of a large bloke.

OP, it seems that you're more appalled that they called you woke. Why? Isn't it "woke" to stand up to what you perceive as injustice against women and girls? Or do you think it's only left for racial issues, which is why many on here use it as a pejorative?

I can imagine most people here supporting you would be the ones calling someone else "woke" as an insult had it been the same incident but based on race instead.

Also, I noticed your 'tall and big build' description of the man to emphasize your point. I'm sure it helped.

He was wrong too grab her backpack and hopefully he’ll reflect on it.
She was also wrong to push to the front of the queue, and hopefully she’ll reflect on that.

Did you not see my post at 13:48 where I clearly said it wasn't?

Pointing out that you are 'replying' to a point about age that no one had in fact made is not tantamount to saying the man's actions were OK.

You seem to be dipping in and out of this thread, not reading it properly, and posting random goady comments.

This. He should have spoken up and reminded her that she needed to queue.

Can't see how anyone would get so worked up about such a minor incident unless they just enjoy preaching their individual (and not necessarily right) views to complete strangers.

If those in the bus shelter got there first she pushed into the queue.

Would you have got involved if a women had instinctively tugged back a teen lad to correct his behaviour before he disappeared onto the bus?

Really none of your business. No harm was done and hopefully the teen will learn to be more considerate next time.

You probably need to do some "reflecting" too.